By Jim Tortolano

Garden Grove Journal

  Tucked neatly between the afterglow of Kobe and The Lakers winning the NBA title, and the imminent return of Manny “I’m Innocent” Ramirez to Dodger Stadium is the news that soccer (what most of the rest of the world calls “football”) in the Land of the Free has made a giant leap forward.

   As you may know, the U.S. national team, playing in the Confederations Cup in South Africa, raised some international eyebrows when it qualified for the finals with a 2-0 win over Spain, the world’s top-ranked team, then led Brazil (the defending World Cup champs) 2-0 at halftime before succumbing 3-2.

  In one week, the Americans gave the two best teams on the planet all they could handle. And in one week more, most Americans will have forgotten it.

  There is no shame in this. America is a sports-mad country, but we’ve already got four major sports and there’s just not much room in our calendar or psyches for a fifth. In the competition for the hearts and minds of the U.S.A., “footie” will likely remain a junior varsity sport.

  Why is this? Millions of young people play the sport; do you know a person under the age of 25 who wasn’t in AYSO or something like it as a munchkin? Add to that the fact that the fastest-growing part of the population is Hispanic and it seems like soccer would be the coming thing.

  Well, if you think that, you get a yellow card. Look closely at kids and soccer. It was ADULTS who put them in that program. If you asked the youngsters whether they’d rather play organized soccer or lay around playing video games or texting each other, they’d surely (pardon the bun) vote with their feet and that “everybody plays” sport would implode like the California state budget.

  Drive around town …do you ever see kids playing soccer, just for fun? Nope. You can spot them skateboarding or playing basketball or hitting each other with dirt clods, but no one is trying to bend it like Beckham.

  Even as this area becomes more Latino, you still don’t see it. I drive past a junior high at dismissal time and notice the sports jerseys on the guys. Lots of Laker stuff, Dodgers, Angels, even New England Patriots, but no Real Madrid or Manchester United. And certainly no Los Angeles Galaxy (that’s our local Major League Soccer team).

  As immigrant kids become more Americanized, they gravitate toward red-white-and-blue sports. Social acceptance is easier to come by when you fit in, and one quick way to do that here is to learn to cut off the relay, do the crossover dribble, or run the post route.

   There, of course, is more to it than this. Soccer grew in worldwide popularity because of the ease of play. All you need is some kind of ball … you can even use a head of lettuce, or anything that will roll or bounce. That makes it hugely accessible in a world which is largely poor and underdeveloped.

   But Americans, with our fast-paced lifestyles, need something a little more complex and exciting. Baseball is probably almost as dull as soccer, but it gets a pass because it’s embedded in our national consciousness, and has been for over a hundred years.

   Soccer, on the other hand …. Outside of watching golf, is there any sport more numbing to view than soccer? Most scores are 1-0 or 0-0; Brazil’s 3-2 win over the U.S.A. was a veritable festival of goals.

   I pity the poor announcers who have to make every kick, sidestep and throw-in sound like the world is tipping at the precipice of catastrophe. Can you imagine watching a  basketball game in which the final score was 3-2? You’d be late for the door and calling for an investigation into gambling interests.

   Don’t get me wrong. Soccer is a great game to play, like racquetball. It’s great exercise, it’s not limited to the freakishly tall or big, and it has many subtleties that a true fan can appreciate. But for the American fan …. There’s just not much entertainment value.

   Get Jon & Kate out there on the pitch and have their team go up against a lineup of disgraced governors and you might be able to sustain some interest for a while … until the NASCAR race starts and everyone changes the channel.