Dear Marilyn,

I have a very difficult decision to make, and I need your advice.  I have been accepted to UC Santa Barbara next fall. This is a dream come true for me. 

The problem is that I have a boyfriend that I will call Austin.  Austin and I have been together for five years now. 

Of course our relationship has had its bumps in the road, but overall it is a wonderful one.  Lately everything has been fantastic.

I don’t know whether to go to school in Santa Barbara after all.  I really want to learn to be independent.  I also want the new adventure of being in a new place.

However, let me tell you that this is easier said than done! I really love Austin very much.  I feel as if he is a part of me.  Not only is he my boyfriend, but he is my best friend as well.

I don’t know what I should do.  Austin would really like me to stay in town and go to school here. He says that he will support my decision if I decide to go, however.

Should I go, or should I stay?  What do you think that I should do?

Signed, Undecided

Dear Undecided,

I think that you should follow your dream, and go to UC Santa Barbara.  It will be a wonderful experience for you.

It is true that long distance relationships are not easy to sustain.  However, if Austin and you are truly meant to be together, than going away to school should not stand in the way in the long run.

You can certainly see each other over long weekends and holidays.  And, of course you can stay in touch over the phone and by email.

The college experience can truly be a wonderful and exciting time in your life.  This opportunity is one that you may never have again.

So, I recommend that you go, and have a wonderful and thoughtful time.  See Austin when you can, of course, but also focus on your studies and your new life there as well.

  

Dear Marilyn,

I am 19 years old.  I have been overweight almost my entire life.  I have tried dieting ever since I can remember, but I have not yet been successful in losing the weight.

I am now truly motivated to succeed.  I have recently started to go to the gym.

I really feel as if I am doing the right things.  I am watching my diet, and I go to the gym regularly.

I feel like I am making progress.  The problem is that my mother does not.  Whenever I see her, she says things like, “I thought you were going to the gym now”, or “what happened with the gym?”

I wish that she would encourage me, rather than criticize me.  She has been that way as long as I can remember.

What should I do?  Every time that she says something negative it breaks my spirit and resolve.  I’m starting to think that I don’t want to go to the gym anymore.

What’s the use? Maybe I really will never lose the weight.

Signed, Pressured Daughter

Dear Pressured Daughter,

There is a bigger issue here than just the one of your trying to lose weight.  One of the things that should happen when a person moves from being a teen to being an adult is that they begin to truly make their own way in the world.

Although it is nice to have parental approval, an adult should make his or her own decisions regardless of it.

Of course it would be nice if your mom were more supportive of your desire to lose the weight, and of your time in the gym.  Frankly, she is wrong to criticize you about the results of it.

However, it’s time for you to do this because you want to, not to gain her approval.  Don’t let her discourage you, or break your resolve.

It took time to gain the weight, and it will take time to lose it.  Keep up with your exercise and focus on healthy eating habits.

You may want to spend less time with your mom for a while.  Or, when you are together, if she starts in on you, then firmly let her know that you are working on it, and that you are making progress. Period.

Don’t offer excuses, and don’t let her make you feel sad or pressured.

You can’t control what she says, but you can control how you react to her.  Stay strong and keep your resolve.  You can do it!

Please send your letters to Deat Marilyn to ggjournal @aol.com.