Quitster
Day 31.
  • Thanks. Gosh, thanks! ToddL on 05/01/1998 00:21:45
     
  Promised myself I'd post something as the 1-month mark turned, and I'm a few minutes late. Thought I'd fiddle with a new medium, new persona, mayhaps?? Just trying it on. Here you go, then.
Quitster
  • Long last first month
    Just starting to stop
    New friend, shared past
    Pencil-rendered face, voice
    Have you done the same with mine?
    Maybe it will work this time
    • Salutations, ToddL


Day 39. Crackkk! It's way back there! Gone! The crowd goes bananas! NIH called about a grant, good news which creates a cascade of positive changes. It provides research assistant support for a graduate student who has been a real pain in the butt as a teaching assistant. So our Intro Bio lab coordinator is thrilled to be rid of him, and owes me a case of scotch at minimum. This also permits me to support my other graduate student, who is more worthy, during the summer with the other grant that had been committed to supporting the useless student. The remaining challenge will be getting the useless student to actually do some work. [I know, it sounds like the worthless one is being treated better-- he is, at the moment, but it's based on commitments I had to make before I knew either of them.] After the call, I was nearly overwhelmed by the desire to smoke, and smoke like crazy. This was, after all, my time-honored way of celebrating. Sneak out, smoke, and laugh silently at my evil naysayers, those bastards in the chemistry department. Yesss.
So, what did I do? Nothing immediately. Later, I did make a high-risk Friday night trip to the local liquor store, alone, the first time I've done that since day 2 when my evil twin was on the rampage. This was really high risk behavior, and I know I was on a tightrope then. But what about quitnet? How could I ever go back there again? Strangely, by the time I reached the counter I was not tempted any more. Still, the celebration did not really occur.
Lesson: we need to watch out for positive events as triggers for relapse, just as carefully as we need to beware of adversity. I haven't had to deal with too many positive crises lately. The struggle is not yet over, but I have quitnet this time. Never did before.
Don't be misled. Most of the effort that led to this grant was generated while I was a smoker, and a productive person. The proposal was submitted five months ago. However, I did have to jump through a number of hoops, providing the feds with various bits of information that they should have asked me for initially, and each time it appeared that the proposal was in trouble. Two of those four crises occurred during my quit, and I was lucky to get through them.
Day 44. Must have entered a new phase. I've never been a faithful chronicler of personal events. I'm a terrible correspondent, and I even have trouble keeping notes of experiments I've done. Indeed, as I look back on this, it is the longest and most thorough history of any period in my life. Must have been significant. But I find that there are major gaps in the record back there. Somewhere during the last three weeks a change occurred. It was subtle, and maybe gradual. I'm not sure when, and it may relate more to the hectic period at the end of the semester than to anything else, but I seem to have been spending less time on introspection and more in quasiproductive activity. Interesting. That's how it's supposed to work, isn't it?
During those gaps I struggled to wrap up my courses, and spent a lot of time at quitnet. May has brought in many new faces. The optimism of spring and a new month may account for some of these new quitting efforts. Guilt associated with Mothers' Day may account for others. Crises, current or past, have been shared all around. Bridg's mother had surgery for a possibly malignant tumor. Martha has had gum surgery, faces knee surgery shortly, and cares for her mother, who lost her larynx to throat cancer. Many of these names are becoming real people to me: Social_Scientist once wrote for the Worcester newspaper, lives nearby, and has a new Corolla due to a misadventure at the wheel; db03 lives 35 miles from the nearest town in Missouri, with a tobacco-chewing husband who grew up next door to her; Craftsman claims that his hair is changing from grey to black since his quit; Elfie has settled, Green Acres-style, in rural Connecticut after years of fast-lane cosmopolitan life in Asia and Europe. Quitmate Barbb returned smoke-free from her Aruba vacation, and her husband is starting to quit now. She has had very few problems since the early days, unless she's been suffering silently. Others have been more vocal. Suzann's quit has passed the 1-month mark with several steep fluctuations in mood. She's had fierce internal struggles, but recently has been sounding good. Shields, who has a tough time every mother's day remembering her lost son, has returned. She has wellbutrin now, and is enthusiastically preparing for a quit in early June. She now smokes only 10-12/day, and only at the kitchen table. Some familiar names have left quitnet, either with farewells (Anne Ballard, Willdo) or by drifting off (e.g. Stevems, Tirsh). I will follow them, eventually, but it is saddening to see them leave. However, if nobody ever left the quitnet, it would be very crowded there.

Leaving quitnet
Day 45. Since my seventh week began, I've noticed that I am starting to feel a bit more normal. Still somewhat fuzzyheaded, but not quite the dingbat I've been during the preceding six weeks. I may actually feel better than I did prior to the quit, for the very first time. I'm skeptical of this: it could be a placebo effect from the Skittles; could be wishful thinking; could just be getting used to the airhead syndrome. I don't have any hard evidence for this improvement, in the form of any concrete achievement during the last 6 1/2 weeks. Unless you count not smoking; seems like that should count for something.
Spent an exasperating evening trying to get onto quitnet.org. It was not their fault, this time, but the fault of my internet service provider, I believe. Unlike previous times, when failure to get there almost resulted in panic attacks, tonight I feel differently. It does bother me not to get there, but it bothers me more that I'm trying so hard to do so. I seem to have been visiting quitnet out of some sort of obligation lately. Maybe it's time to try life without quitnet.org. I miss some of the figures who were key to my quit, who have left.
Day 46. I decided to leave quitnet today. Maybe I'll make a last visit this evening for goodbyes and then go off without them. I'm not sure this is something I really want to do, but the substitution of one habit for another is only useful for so long. Unlike the last one, this quit will not involve physical withdrawal. I've invited the friends I made there to stay in touch; I hope some of them will.
Day 47. Crept back to quitnet.org to check for messages and took a really heartwarming peek at the responses to my planned departure. Can't remember feeling this way before. Wrote a second goodbye letter, which sums things up as well as I can:
  • Bye again (it's not easy) ToddL on 05/16/1998 23:52:06
       
     
     
    Dear Quitsters,
    Yesterday I decided enough's enough, but feel I owe you a more graceful goodbye than I provided yesterday. That abrupt message was written in haste, with a lot of internal conflict going on. The conflict remains, but I think it's best for me to engage in Quitnet deprivation. I mentioned yesterday that it has become an obligation, but this may not be the best description, as it is still a joy to visit. But for me, it is bordering on another addiction, a very good alternative to a much more destructive one that it displaced 47 days ago, but an addiction nonetheless.
    I discovered the site by pure serendipity. A mindless search engine, perhaps Yahoo or Lycos, led me here as I was looking for information about withdrawal symptoms. After getting to know it well, I've concluded the site is really quite beautiful in its design. There are a few minor features that still need work, but the architecture is secondary to the people who make the site work so well.
    I could not have come by at a better time. What more luck could I have than to join the likes of Martha, Deebeethree (she'll always be that to me), Social_Scientist, Craftsman, Pic, Willdo, DDG and Stevems (sorry, I can't name you all, but would like to) just after they had found their confidence, and while they were still active enough to nurture me along? Help and listening ears were always there, within minutes, always tolerant, upbeat. I had the additional good fortune to be joined, soon after my quit, by some other remarkable people (e.g. Barbb, Suzann, Elfie, Bridg, BevM) who were available for commiseration. I've NEVER received this much pure, no-strings-attached encouragement, from this many people, for anything I've ever tried to do; I find it miraculous that it came from complete strangers.
    I have some concerns that I'm leaving people high and dry, abandoned at a crucial time, especially those I've just met recently, but I don't think it's possible for me to pay back as much as I've gained from this bunch. I could stay for years and still be in debt. Besides, I know I'm leaving the newly-quit or soon-to-quit in capable hands, and I see the future support network developing beautifully.
    At tomorrow's commencement, I will parade to the platform in an ever-so-very-goofy cap and gown to help push another crop of unsuspecting graduates into the real world. I'll be having thoughts similar to theirs. I'll be trying my wings without you for a while, and I expect this won't be easy.
    You've taught me the meaning of LOL, literally and figuratively (at first, I thought this was a quaint Canadian colloquialism).
    Sniff, sniff, "Scarecrow, I think I'll miss you most of all."
    Thanks again, happy quits, and much love,
    ToddL
 
Heffalumps and Woozles
NostalgicWeek 8. The post-quitnet era has begun, and I'm not at all happy about this. I find myself missing the quitnet even more than I missed cigarettes during the first quit-week. E-mail from several quit-friends has kept me going. I need them desperately.
Preparations for a trip are keeping me occupied. It will be a combination college reunion (25th) and family reunion, as my sister, father and niece are alumni from the same place. In an effort to ace out my sisters for the inheritance, I nominated The Phil (dad) as a distinguished alumnus last fall. He deserved it and got it, based on a very productive career in high energy physics (yes, there is some definite psychobaggage in this father/son relationship, which we'll set aside for now). So we're using the event as an excuse for my widely scattered family to regroup, which does not happen often.
The trip to the wilds of southern Minnesota was a delight. I have always loved it there, and spouse and daughter were well-behaved. We saw many Holsteins and Norwegians, and refreshed our midwestern tendencies. For this page, the important result was that I did not smoke, and that I was not even tempted, although I did spend some time with the very friends who got me interested in tobacco in the first place, and some of them still smoke. This trip featured relatives, and all of my trips to visit relatives have been smoke deprivation experiences, combining all the cravings and misery of the first few days of quitting with the anxieties associated with visiting family. This has never been a happy combination, and it certainly eases matters to remove the nicotine withdrawal from the list of anxieties.
I returned feeling that age hasn't ravaged me too severely yet, and glad to have finally quit smoking. Two classmates became quite rotund during the last 25 years. One of these still smokes, and has a drinking problem and a divorce to contend with all at once. He's a mess. I'd like to send him to quitnet, but I think he has problems worse than smoking at the moment. He has yet to reach the really-wanting-to-quit stage, and unless you're there, it won't work.
Yikes! Heffalumps, Woozles, Pending Dangers in week 9. After returning, I sense a renewed craving for nicotine. It really hit me this morning at the beginning of week 9. I have always recovered from these family visits by dosing up heavily at the first opportunity. Perhaps this is part of that decompression process that I had ritualized over the years. There do seem to be a variety of rhythms to deal with during this quit, at very different time scales. The shorter time scales are encountered first, and may be the most difficult rituals to break, but there are weekly, monthly and annual cycles of habit that also figure in, along with others based on events that just strike randomly. This craving may be an example of a response to events that occur less often than once a year, but around which I have still managed to construct some smoking traditions. These less common events are the ones that take us by surprise, and we have to keep our guard up against the heffalumps and woozles.
      • They're black, they're brown, they're up, they're down
      • They're in, they're out, they're all about!
      • They're far, they're near, they're gone, they're here,
      • They're quick, and slick, and insincere!
      • Beware, beware, be a very wary bear!
        • [from Disney's "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day." See also "Pink Elephants on Parade" in Dumbo; incidentally, the mystery voice is Wally Cleaver, the Beave's older and wiser brother -- you knew that!]
I also returned to some e-mail from quitster friends. Based on these messages, the Memorial Day weekend was a challenging one all around. One of my favorites, who quit a couple of weeks earlier than I, is quite annoyed with herself, having slipped over the weekend. I feel badly for her, because she was always the most triumphant in her posts, and was clearly getting a huge psychic boost from quitting. Sounds like she was set up by her husband's friend, who failed to realize how fragile this quitting process is. I know she'll recover-- she has to, because everybody at quitnet.org relies on their daily dose of sweetness from her to get through their morning cravings. It is useful for people to air their aggravations with themselves when they slip. It gives me all the more aversion to doing the same (although there is also the thought that, hey, if she can do it, so can I), but I am a bit shaken to learn of her problems (if it can happen to her, it can certainly happen to me).
After my initial observations, which must have occurred during a period of little trouble at quitnet.org, I have seen quitsters step forward quite often to report a "slip" in which they let down their guard, usually for only one cigarette or a few. Those who slip harder than that are either very quiet about it, or they leave altogether. Sometimes they return weeks later. There are different approaches to handling the statistics for those who slip. Some are self-forgiving, call it a momentary aberration, and keep counting the days as if nothing had happened. Others reset their quit dates and start from scratch. It doesn't matter to the others, who are uniformly consoling (this is largely a group of moms, after all). Although I doubt that their lung epithelia and circulatory systems really care, this seems to be an important psychological issue. And, having seen how troublesome it is to resolve, I am trying to avoid that confrontation.
The thought of failing is beginning to loom more prominently as my greatest challenge draws closer. Next week I go on the first of three summer field trips, about a week alone on the road. I have no idea how I will handle this. My standard tool so far has been the quitnet, and more recently e-mail with quitsters, but I won't have access to it from the highway. Could be done, but cell phones and cell-capable modems, and 800-number access to internet are the stuff of the regional sales managers of the world on expense accounts, not humble field biologists on tight budgets. Maybe I could stop at public libraries here and there?
Looks like I will need to formulate an approach.

Field-testing the Big Quit. Heavy Weather.
Month 3
Early rumblings, day 1. The quit has yet to be tested under field conditions. That is, the event that has always been associated with smoking, field work while travelling alone, has not been attempted since the quit began. The formulated approach, only vaguely worked out in advance (not a good sign) was to check in with quitnet.org whenever possible and report on my progress. Much the same approach that worked during the first two weeks. By day, I could find a library that might have web access, and at night I could plug the laptop into the phone line and run up a bill that might be only somewhat more than the cost of Massachusetts cigarettes.
I did pass an impressive library in Hershey, where my first collection site is located. I passed by, thinking I was close enough to a motel stop that I might as well keep going. Besides, I had two sites to take care of in southern PA. So I did those, and here I am in the Rambler Inn, in Thurmont MD, the real skinny part of Maryland just north of West Virginia. It's a modest but fairly nice place for a mere $42. Plan A is not possible-- no modular wiring for the phone, so I can't connect the modem. Hmm. For plan A to work, I may have to upgrade my choice of lodging. Have to keep that in mind for tomorrow night, as I'm sure I won't find any public libraries in the West Virginia mountains.
So, what's plan B? Gosh, I don't know. How did people quit smoking before the internet? Surely it has been done. And I've not smoked for two months. This is pathetic that I even need plan A, and didn't bother to bring plan B (or my toothbrush, I've discovered). Maybe I can do without plan A. Or, maybe I can just pretend someone else will read this. A future post, perhaps. Guess that's plan B. There are signs of hope. If I was trying to set myself up, I might have taken a smoking room, but I didn't. I confess, I did hesitate when making the choice.
Now what? Brought some really boring reading. I'm not that desperate yet. Let's see... Ooo, cable. Don't have that at home. Hmmm. Brady Bunch. Never liked it, even as a kid. Historic documentary on Ed Sullivan, featuring Herman's Hermits. That was Junior high. Great fodder for a future Ph.D. dissertation in Interdisciplinary American Studies. Nah, it's probably been done already. Have I been time travelling? No, the tv is definitely in color, and I have whiskers. Ooo, pro wrestling. Orioles or Cubs? History channel has documentary on trains, with a focus on the magical era of the circus train. I'm afraid of clowns. Click. Jerry Springer, "I have a secret for my man" episode, not about closet smoking. Click. Hmmm, high-budget movie about cockroaches, featuring a fetching entomologist named Bambi. Click. Some sort of feminist cartoon, called Daria, with art that looks like a cross between Beavis & Butthead and Bazooka Joe. Ooo, now Ed Sullivan's introducing Gerry and the Pacemakers. Ed did have a certain style all his own. I miss him. Had the cardiac pacemaker been invented yet, or were these guys ahead of their time? Wonder if there was ever a group called Danny and the Defibrillators? Click. How sad that Pam Ewing will never have a baby of her own. JR reminds me of a certain university administrator. Click. Ooo, big fat strong guys pulling busses with harnesses and ropes on ESPN. How have I lived without this? Ooh, that live cop show. Geez, I'm almost desperate enough for the journal articles. Hmm, maybe we'll go back to Bambi the entomologist and the problem with roaches. Is this a great country, or what?
Here, just a few miles south of the Mason Dixon Line, I can hear some very inexpensive cigarettes beckoning from the convenience store next to the motel. I am sorely tempted, but I know that if I cave in on the first night, I'll have a habit to get rid of by the time I get home. Can't do that. Think I'd be a whole lot better off just going to bed. I have at least 8 hours of work to do tomorrow, plus about 6 hours of driving. Could be a long week.
Big trouble for the Big Quit . Heavy weather on day 2. It's a twistah! It's a twistah! Dorothy! Where's Dorothy?
After a busy day fighting with thorns, ants and DC traffic, here I am with a pillow and powerbook in the hallway of the Comfort Inn in Frostburg MD. It has been an eventful evening in these parts. I pulled off the interstate in tiny Flintstone MD (no lodging and two closed diners) due to a tornado warning, about 7:30. Several tornadoes had been sighted within about 20 miles of there, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Found shelter in a mom and pop bait shop/gas station/convenience store. Proprietor and a few stranded locals were smoking up a storm, picking up reports on the scanner of of funnel clouds at nearby spots. I was too, after about an hour of watching lightning all around, horizontal hail pelting my car and a several inch-deep river rushing down the steep street.
The warning was in effect until 9:00, so I stuck it out at Billy Bob's and got back on the road when it was downgraded to a tornado watch, trying to get to Morgantown WV for the night. Ten miles down the road, the radio had reports of yet another warning. A tornado was moving right between my destination and me. So, I pulled off here in Frostburg. The wind practically blew me through the door of the motel, and they actually had a room for me. As soon as I got in, a hotel employee was knocking on all the doors, ordering everyone into the hall with a pillow. This is the first time I've actually heard emergency sirens going off.
This is a frightening storm. And there's a scary looking guy who looks like Lon Chaney lurking down the hall. I've just heard that Frostburg did get hit in a couple of places. Now I'm back inside the room, with the real threat apparently missing us for now. I had visions of spending the night in the bait shop with Billy Bob, and then visions of being blown off a mountainside on I-68 before I could find an exit. There is apparently another headed in this general direction, but not knowing the towns around here, or where the radio station is located, it's not clear just how close it is. They are still telling mobile home residents to find another place for the night, and warning travellers to get off the road. There are still sirens outside, sounds like the emergency ones plus fire and either police or ambulances.
I've smoked.
I've let you down. Thanks to a few others who have done the same, I don't feel too horrible about it. That surprises me. The excuse was not too feeble, but not good enough. Since there's nothing in the manual about what to do in the event of tornadoes, I'm going to chalk this up as tornado-induced slippage, although I know that my evil twin was really looking for an excuse and might well have settled for less. He was bothering me a lot last night, and all day today.
I did discover that cigarettes really do taste lousy after two months without them-- this is clearly an acquired taste that I had lost in 64 days of abstinence, and gave me no comfort at Billy Bob's. I don't know how many I smoked, more than 3. After a few, I was quite disappointed in the lack of physical gratification, and in myself. The rest of the pack is in Billy Bob's dumpster. I'm ready to continue the effort, with the wisdom that it ain't over till it's over. Couldn't take your word for it, had to learn it for myself, as usual.
Field test, day 3. Tonight, I connected to quitnet.org and spent $17.00, reading responses to the pitiful story above. Collectively, the quitsters are quite an endearing lot; I could never go back to smoking now. Whatever would I do without them (we all know the answer to that, don't we)? And how could I have been so foolish to think I was ready to leave? That was very premature. I'm back. I'm also convinced that my evil twin was determined to have his day, had been working on it for weeks, and seized his opportunity yesterday. Something about the price of liberty and perpetual vigilance comes to mind.
Today was not a problem, but then the weather was perfect and the scenery gorgeous, a reminder of why I do whatever it is that I do. I did see one place where a tornado touched down, right on the Interstate, just a few miles beyond last night's motel, in an uninhabited forested area. Big oak trees, 1-2 feet in diameter, were snapped off at the trunks. I heard that several houses were destroyed in Frostburg and surrounding towns.
Field test, day 5.
Nature-boy on the road ToddL on 06/05/1998 22:59:06
Dear Quitsters, Here I am in Dillard, GA, just south of the Great SMOKEY Mountains. Passed through ASHeville this morning, and went past WINSTON-SALEM NC last night and Upper MARLBORO MD three days ago. I passed CAMELback Mountain in Pennsylvania, and spent some time along the CHEAT River in West Virginia.
  • While in West Virginia, I also passed FAT BOY'S PORK PALACE ("where the hog is king") in Brandywine. Not particularly smoke-related, unless you consider the weight gain issue. Didn't eat there, but got a picture. My guess is that they don't get many couples there on first dates. And I can imagine the waitresses (not to mention the proprietor), can't you?
    Speaking of triggers, my elderly car developed some steering irregularities in West Virginia, whining loudly (an unusual sound in the absence of students) during sharp turns at low speeds. I found a Ford dealer in Elkins, and Bubba said she'd be ok as long as I stop ever' 50 miles or so to fillerup with fluid. So that's what I been doin'. Whew. I had visions of spending a whole day in Elkins getting it fixed, with nothing to do but... you know.
    Long car trips alone are loaded with triggers. Heck, I bet even more are waiting for me on the way back, which I start tomorrow. Wish some of you could talk my ear off on the way home.
    The mountains are stunning. I'm a bit late for the rhododendron blooms, although I had an encounter with a thicket of them at one of my field sites in NC. I seem to have picked up some chiggers and poison ivy, too. Nature has its price, and always wins in the end.
    ta ta,
    Todd(itchy 'n' scratchy somewhere in month 3)L
Heading home, and about time. The final leg of this 2580 mile, 7-day trip was uneventful, but disconcerting. I wasn't smoking, but the car had taken up the habit. Power steering fluid smolders when spattering on a hot engine. This was noticeable only at low speeds. I kept going fast, so I wouldn't notice, hoping that maybe the engine would not burst into flames until I got home.

Withdrawal symptoms nobody told you about
The slippage of last week has convinced me that I need to return to quitnet.org. I'm still not cured. Since my return, I visit there with every craving, and these still come quite often. Sometimes I have some whining to do:
A little-known withdrawal symptom and newfound youth ToddL on 06/09/1998 15:20:41
The literature on quitting seems to leave out a few things. You know, symptoms that maybe you'd like to have known about in advance, but nobody had the nerve to tell you about. And then you find this place and see all these exclamation marks and happystuff flying around and you think gosh, this quitting must surely be the key to youth and perpetual bliss. So, early in the quit you develop these huge expectations about all the great things that will come your way if you can just keep that next cigarette out of your lips. Testimonials from quitsters who are packing serious numbers on their quitmeters, measured to the nannosecond, tell about how their brisk exercise programmes have become so much more invigorating since they quit. Some have lost weight because they have so much new-found vigor, they just can't stand still long enough for the fat cells to find a place to settle in and proliferate. We hear about changes in hair color, loss of wrinkles, regained stamina, good breath, improved relations with family and friends, yada, yada, yada; how could these stories do anything but keep us all going? Heck yes, sign me up!
  • Well, buckaroos, let me share something with you. You may not recapture all of the pleasures of youth. My right knee still snaps with every step. Grey hairs are still alive and happily taking over on my noggin. There has been no obvious change in stamina for me, and my short-term memory is still only about 64K. There has, however, been one change in physiology that is truly youthful. One change has indeed made me feel like a teenager again.
    Quitzits. Serially! I am not kidding here! Genuine quit-related zits, in the manner of a 13-year-old teenager-in-love, taking up long-term residence on the mug, especially the old schnozzola, as if it hasn't had enough trouble lately. Plain as day, in full bloom.
    Gawd. Wonder if this happened to Joe Camel when he quit?
I can always count on quitnet for interesting replies, e.g.:
Re: A little-known withdrawal symptom and newfound youth meeem on 06/09/1998 15:42:29
  • ToddL, Well, good for you! At least you've gotten something from your quit besides a little more change in your pockets and non-alligator breath. So far, I feel I've gotten nothing. I've been quit for a month and 2 days and am still waiting for something great to happen - am still miserable, still wanting to smoke, and still depressed about the whole thing. When are all those wonderful things going to happen? I'll be too old by then to enjoy them, I guess! Cheers!
Re: A little-known withdrawal symptom and newfound youth annlee on 06/09/1998 16:05:53
 
so glad you are still here. the symptom that no-one told me about is an excess of intestinal gas. I swear that my digestive system has been playing show tunes. Talked to a couple quitters about this and they have to agree that they also have had this malady.
  • Oh well still better than smoking BUT now that I can smell better--------------- Annlee

Take my evil twin... PLEASE!
It is worth joining quitnet.org just to read the posts of KateW (pron. "katoo"), who came along with her virtual husband JohnW while I was out of town. I was particularly interested to learn that she has an evil twin. The beauty of quitnet is that we discover we are not alone, no matter how peculiar we thought we were:
My evil twin... KateW on 06/15/1998 16:05:12
 
Wants me to give up this quit! My evil twin says that because I quit THREE DAYS before my quit date, that I am ENTITLED to 3 days of smoking. My evil twin says that I can smoke either all 3 days at once or that I can smoke 1 day now and save the other two for later.
Shut up, evil twin.
Kate
 
  • Re: My evil twin... ToddL on 06/15/1998 16:13:02
       
     
     
    Why don't you introduce your evil twin to mine, and maybe they will ride off into the sunset, and off a cliff together? They sound compatible. Many deals can be struck.
  • MET seeks FET for smoking fun ToddL on 06/16/1998 18:03:35
Attractive male evil twin seeks companion for smoking pleasures, long walks, good times, conspiracies. Professional, well-bred, very discreet. Call 1-900-evl-twin.
 
  • Re: MET seeks FET for smoking fun KateW on 06/16/1998 18:08:52
    EVERYone knows evil twins are NOT discreet.
    • Re: Re: MET seeks FET for smoking fun ToddL on 06/16/1998 18:17:06
        This is a closet-smoking evil twin. Very discreet. Come on, he's perfect for her. I've got to get him fixed up with someone, he's really getting on my nerves.
      • Re: Re: Re: MET seeks FET for smoking fun KateW on 06/16/1998 18:19:02   You did mention they would jump off a cliff together didn't you. Sounds good, I'll give her the number. By the way her name is Medusa.
         
  • Take my Evil Twin...PLEASE! ToddL on 06/17/1998 16:07:37 Dear Quitsters,
    Well, I had high hopes that my Evil Twin would hit it off with KateW's Evil Twin, so he'd run off and leave me alone. It seemed so right. But, I'm afraid that Winston and Medusa didn't really hit it off. He claims Medusa is just too obnoxious, but I'm sure it was mostly Winston's fault. Anyway, he's still shadowing me. If anyone has an evil twin who might be compatible with Winston, please let me know. He sews all his own clothes, is a great dancer, and has a nice clear complexion, a really deep voice, and a great personality until you get to know him a little bit.
    I'll be around. Best, ToddL
    • Re: Take my Evil Twin...PLEASE! KateW on 06/17/1998 16:15:47 Hmmmm....THAT's not Medusa's story...she said Winston had PIMPLES like a high school kid and a big Adam's apple that rode up and down like a turkey's.
      Tag, you're it.
       
    • Re: Take my Evil Twin...PLEASE! TaraLyn on 06/17/1998 17:51:02 My evil twin is a freaky crazy woman who I wish would go away. Do you think Winston would be interested? Let me know, I'll set it up. I don't care, I think Eve Menthol would enjoy an adam's apple.
       
    • Re: Take my Evil Twin...PLEASE! ninety9 on 06/17/1998 19:10:25  
      Dear Winston, Name's Virginia Slim, but you can call me Virgil. I'm a long, lean smokin machine. I like my men like I like my smokes. Rich, Smooth, and Hot. I'll show up when you least expect me and I wont go home till I'm good and satisfied. I'll always be lurking just around the corner. So WATCH OUT!!! I might just jump out and surprise you one of these days.
       
    • Re: Take my Evil Twin...PLEASE!-- So many choices. ToddL on 06/17/1998 22:11:03
      I had intended to screen his "candidates," but it seems that Winston has joined quitnet under an assumed name and has received "q-mail" from a Ms. C. D'Evil. I don't know anything about her, but they have already made plans to go to a dog show tomorrow, if it stops raining. I'm really hoping that she's "the one." However, Winston has never managed to form lasting attachments before, so there may still be hope for Eve or Virginia. I'll let you know.

      Let's "keep our fingers crossed."
Despite these efforts to get rid of him, and more activities with Cruella, my evil twin still visits regularly, nearly every afternoon. I am becoming very worn down by the constant pressure, but there are now some signs of hope.

The end of the floaties*
Through twelve weeks I've worried, waiting it out in quiet desperation. I'm not sure whether it has been a withdrawal symptom, or something unrelated to the quit, so I haven't said much about it. Some of you may remember me doing a more than a little whining about this back in April, but it has persisted much longer than most peoples' complaints seem to last. With every upbeat report from those in their second month, telling how great they feel, I've felt cheated a little more.
I've had these weird feelings of imbalance, general clumsiness, and a floaty feeling while walking. I call it the floaties. It was different from the mental fog/stupidity that afflicts so many. I had that, too. I don't think this ever became apparent to others, but there have been times when I have thought I was going to either fall over or become airborne. The symptoms have actually plagued me since before my quit, but since they began at the same time that I began my practice sessions (a period of several hectic quits, failures, dramatic cut-downs, and new attempts during a two week period), I've hoped that they're related to withdrawal.
Two months came and went, and the feelings persisted. Withdrawal symptoms like these after 2 months? Nobody else seemed to talk about these. The literature I'd seen described light-headedness that might last for days, but nothing like this. Thoughts of afflictions much worse than nicotine withdrawal were never far away from my mind.
The floaties seem to have abated during the last few days. I hope they stay away. What a difference. Finally, after twelve weeks, I feel I can tell you about them. So, if you experience something similar, there is hope. You might not have a brain tumor, or multiple sclerosis, or Lou Gehrig's Disease, or any of a number of other things my imagination has conjured up. But it may take quite a while for the symptoms to go away, so be patient, and walk carefully.
Now if I could only get rid of this painful case of browser's butt and these nasty quitzits...
*Note:  I have since concluded that the symptom of imbalance was not related to the quit, but to time on a small boat in rough water.  This has recurred every time I've taken a small boat trip in rough water, whether I've had a quit in the works or not.  Some searching of symptoms led me to information about Apres de Disembarquement Syndrome, which is an inner ear problem that takes months to go away (sometimes years), and has no treatment.