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Quitster
Day 31.
- Thanks. Gosh, thanks! ToddL on 05/01/1998 00:21:45
Promised myself I'd post something as the 1-month mark turned,
and I'm a few minutes late. Thought I'd fiddle with a new medium,
new persona, mayhaps?? Just trying it on. Here you go, then.
Quitster
- Long last first month
- Just starting to stop
- New friend, shared past
- Pencil-rendered face, voice
- Have you done the same with mine?
- Maybe it will work this time
Day 39. Crackkk! It's way back there! Gone! The crowd goes
bananas! NIH called about a grant, good news which creates a cascade
of positive changes. It provides research assistant support for
a graduate student who has been a real pain in the butt as a teaching
assistant. So our Intro Bio lab coordinator is thrilled to be
rid of him, and owes me a case of scotch at minimum. This also
permits me to support my other graduate student, who is more worthy,
during the summer with the other grant that had been committed
to supporting the useless student. The remaining challenge will
be getting the useless student to actually do some work. [I know,
it sounds like the worthless one is being treated better-- he
is, at the moment, but it's based on commitments I had to make
before I knew either of them.] After the call, I was nearly overwhelmed
by the desire to smoke, and smoke like crazy. This was, after
all, my time-honored way of celebrating. Sneak out, smoke, and
laugh silently at my evil naysayers, those bastards in the chemistry
department. Yesss.
So, what did I do? Nothing immediately. Later, I did make a
high-risk Friday night trip to the local liquor store, alone,
the first time I've done that since day 2 when my evil twin was
on the rampage. This was really high risk behavior, and I know
I was on a tightrope then. But what about quitnet? How could I
ever go back there again? Strangely, by the time I reached the
counter I was not tempted any more. Still, the celebration did
not really occur.
Lesson: we need to watch out for positive events as triggers
for relapse, just as carefully as we need to beware of adversity.
I haven't had to deal with too many positive crises lately. The
struggle is not yet over, but I have quitnet this time. Never
did before.
Don't be misled. Most of the effort that led to this grant
was generated while I was a smoker, and a productive person. The
proposal was submitted five months ago. However, I did have to
jump through a number of hoops, providing the feds with various
bits of information that they should have asked me for initially,
and each time it appeared that the proposal was in trouble. Two
of those four crises occurred during my quit, and I was lucky
to get through them.
Day 44. Must have entered a new phase. I've never been a faithful
chronicler of personal events. I'm a terrible correspondent, and
I even have trouble keeping notes of experiments I've done. Indeed,
as I look back on this, it is the longest and most thorough history
of any period in my life. Must have been significant. But I find
that there are major gaps in the record back there. Somewhere
during the last three weeks a change occurred. It was subtle,
and maybe gradual. I'm not sure when, and it may relate more to
the hectic period at the end of the semester than to anything
else, but I seem to have been spending less time on introspection
and more in quasiproductive activity. Interesting. That's how
it's supposed to work, isn't it?
During those gaps I struggled to wrap up my courses, and spent
a lot of time at quitnet. May has brought in many new faces. The
optimism of spring and a new month may account for some of these
new quitting efforts. Guilt associated with Mothers' Day may account
for others. Crises, current or past, have been shared all around.
Bridg's mother had surgery for a possibly malignant tumor. Martha
has had gum surgery, faces knee surgery shortly, and cares for
her mother, who lost her larynx to throat cancer. Many of these
names are becoming real people to me: Social_Scientist once wrote
for the Worcester newspaper, lives nearby, and has a new Corolla
due to a misadventure at the wheel; db03 lives 35 miles from the
nearest town in Missouri, with a tobacco-chewing husband who grew
up next door to her; Craftsman claims that his hair is changing
from grey to black since his quit; Elfie has settled, Green Acres-style,
in rural Connecticut after years of fast-lane cosmopolitan life
in Asia and Europe. Quitmate Barbb returned smoke-free from her
Aruba vacation, and her husband is starting to quit now. She has
had very few problems since the early days, unless she's been
suffering silently. Others have been more vocal. Suzann's quit
has passed the 1-month mark with several steep fluctuations in
mood. She's had fierce internal struggles, but recently has been
sounding good. Shields, who has a tough time every mother's day
remembering her lost son, has returned. She has wellbutrin now,
and is enthusiastically preparing for a quit in early June. She
now smokes only 10-12/day, and only at the kitchen table. Some
familiar names have left quitnet, either with farewells (Anne
Ballard, Willdo) or by drifting off (e.g. Stevems, Tirsh). I will
follow them, eventually, but it is saddening to see them leave.
However, if nobody ever left the quitnet, it would be very crowded
there.
Leaving quitnet
Day 45. Since my seventh week began, I've noticed that I am
starting to feel a bit more normal. Still somewhat fuzzyheaded,
but not quite the dingbat I've been during the preceding six weeks.
I may actually feel better than I did prior to the quit, for the
very first time. I'm skeptical of this: it could be a placebo
effect from the Skittles; could be wishful thinking; could just
be getting used to the airhead syndrome. I don't have any hard
evidence for this improvement, in the form of any concrete achievement
during the last 6 1/2 weeks. Unless you count not smoking; seems
like that should count for something.
Spent an exasperating evening trying to get onto quitnet.org.
It was not their fault, this time, but the fault of my internet
service provider, I believe. Unlike previous times, when failure
to get there almost resulted in panic attacks, tonight I feel
differently. It does bother me not to get there, but it bothers
me more that I'm trying so hard to do so. I seem to have been
visiting quitnet out of some sort of obligation lately. Maybe
it's time to try life without quitnet.org. I miss some of the
figures who were key to my quit, who have left.
Day 46. I decided to leave quitnet today. Maybe I'll make a
last visit this evening for goodbyes and then go off without them.
I'm not sure this is something I really want to do, but the substitution
of one habit for another is only useful for so long. Unlike the
last one, this quit will not involve physical withdrawal. I've
invited the friends I made there to stay in touch; I hope some
of them will.
Day 47. Crept back to quitnet.org to check for messages and
took a really heartwarming peek at the responses to my planned
departure. Can't remember feeling this way before. Wrote a second
goodbye letter, which sums things up as well as I can:
- Bye again (it's not easy) ToddL on 05/16/1998 23:52:06
Dear Quitsters,
Yesterday I decided enough's enough, but feel I owe you a
more graceful goodbye than I provided yesterday. That abrupt
message was written in haste, with a lot of internal conflict
going on. The conflict remains, but I think it's best for me
to engage in Quitnet deprivation. I mentioned yesterday that
it has become an obligation, but this may not be the best description,
as it is still a joy to visit. But for me, it is bordering on
another addiction, a very good alternative to a much more destructive
one that it displaced 47 days ago, but an addiction nonetheless.
I discovered the site by pure serendipity. A mindless search
engine, perhaps Yahoo or Lycos, led me here as I was looking
for information about withdrawal symptoms. After getting to know
it well, I've concluded the site is really quite beautiful in
its design. There are a few minor features that still need work,
but the architecture is secondary to the people who make the
site work so well.
I could not have come by at a better time. What more luck
could I have than to join the likes of Martha, Deebeethree (she'll
always be that to me), Social_Scientist, Craftsman, Pic, Willdo,
DDG and Stevems (sorry, I can't name you all, but would like
to) just after they had found their confidence, and while they
were still active enough to nurture me along? Help and listening
ears were always there, within minutes, always tolerant, upbeat.
I had the additional good fortune to be joined, soon after my
quit, by some other remarkable people (e.g. Barbb, Suzann, Elfie,
Bridg, BevM) who were available for commiseration. I've NEVER
received this much pure, no-strings-attached encouragement, from
this many people, for anything I've ever tried to do; I find
it miraculous that it came from complete strangers.
I have some concerns that I'm leaving people high and dry,
abandoned at a crucial time, especially those I've just met recently,
but I don't think it's possible for me to pay back as much as
I've gained from this bunch. I could stay for years and still
be in debt. Besides, I know I'm leaving the newly-quit or soon-to-quit
in capable hands, and I see the future support network developing
beautifully.
At tomorrow's commencement, I will parade to the platform
in an ever-so-very-goofy cap and gown to help push another crop
of unsuspecting graduates into the real world. I'll be having
thoughts similar to theirs. I'll be trying my wings without you
for a while, and I expect this won't be easy.
You've taught me the meaning of LOL, literally and figuratively
(at first, I thought this was a quaint Canadian colloquialism).
Sniff, sniff, "Scarecrow, I think I'll miss you most
of all."
Thanks again, happy quits, and much love,
ToddL
Heffalumps and Woozles
NostalgicWeek 8. The post-quitnet era has begun, and
I'm not at all happy about this. I find myself missing the quitnet
even more than I missed cigarettes during the first quit-week.
E-mail from several quit-friends has kept me going. I need them
desperately.
Preparations for a trip are keeping me occupied. It will be
a combination college reunion (25th) and family reunion, as my
sister, father and niece are alumni from the same place. In an
effort to ace out my sisters for the inheritance, I nominated
The Phil (dad) as a distinguished alumnus last fall. He deserved
it and got it, based on a very productive career in high energy
physics (yes, there is some definite psychobaggage in this father/son
relationship, which we'll set aside for now). So we're using the
event as an excuse for my widely scattered family to regroup,
which does not happen often.
The trip to the wilds of southern Minnesota was a delight.
I have always loved it there, and spouse and daughter were well-behaved.
We saw many Holsteins and Norwegians, and refreshed our midwestern
tendencies. For this page, the important result was that I did
not smoke, and that I was not even tempted, although I did spend
some time with the very friends who got me interested in tobacco
in the first place, and some of them still smoke. This trip featured
relatives, and all of my trips to visit relatives have been smoke
deprivation experiences, combining all the cravings and misery
of the first few days of quitting with the anxieties associated
with visiting family. This has never been a happy combination,
and it certainly eases matters to remove the nicotine withdrawal
from the list of anxieties.
I returned feeling that age hasn't ravaged me too severely
yet, and glad to have finally quit smoking. Two classmates became
quite rotund during the last 25 years. One of these still smokes,
and has a drinking problem and a divorce to contend with all at
once. He's a mess. I'd like to send him to quitnet, but I think
he has problems worse than smoking at the moment. He has yet to
reach the really-wanting-to-quit stage, and unless you're there,
it won't work.
Yikes! Heffalumps, Woozles, Pending Dangers in week 9. After
returning, I sense a renewed craving for nicotine. It really hit
me this morning at the beginning of week 9. I have always recovered
from these family visits by dosing up heavily at the first opportunity.
Perhaps this is part of that decompression process that I had
ritualized over the years. There do seem to be a variety of rhythms
to deal with during this quit, at very different time scales.
The shorter time scales are encountered first, and may be the
most difficult rituals to break, but there are weekly, monthly
and annual cycles of habit that also figure in, along with others
based on events that just strike randomly. This craving may be
an example of a response to events that occur less often than
once a year, but around which I have still managed to construct
some smoking traditions. These less common events are the ones
that take us by surprise, and we have to keep our guard up against
the heffalumps and woozles.
- They're black, they're brown, they're up, they're down
- They're in, they're out, they're all about!
- They're far, they're near, they're gone, they're here,
- They're quick, and slick, and insincere!
- Beware, beware, be a very wary bear!
- [from Disney's "Winnie the Pooh and
the Blustery Day." See also "Pink Elephants on Parade"
in Dumbo; incidentally, the mystery voice is Wally Cleaver, the
Beave's older and wiser brother -- you knew that!]
I also returned to some e-mail from quitster friends. Based
on these messages, the Memorial Day weekend was a challenging
one all around. One of my favorites, who quit a couple of weeks
earlier than I, is quite annoyed with herself, having slipped
over the weekend. I feel badly for her, because she was always
the most triumphant in her posts, and was clearly getting a huge
psychic boost from quitting. Sounds like she was set up by her
husband's friend, who failed to realize how fragile this quitting
process is. I know she'll recover-- she has to, because everybody
at quitnet.org relies on their daily dose of sweetness from her
to get through their morning cravings. It is useful for people
to air their aggravations with themselves when they slip. It gives
me all the more aversion to doing the same (although there is
also the thought that, hey, if she can do it, so can I), but I
am a bit shaken to learn of her problems (if it can happen to
her, it can certainly happen to me).
After my initial observations, which must have occurred during
a period of little trouble at quitnet.org, I have seen quitsters
step forward quite often to report a "slip" in which
they let down their guard, usually for only one cigarette or a
few. Those who slip harder than that are either very quiet about
it, or they leave altogether. Sometimes they return weeks later.
There are different approaches to handling the statistics for
those who slip. Some are self-forgiving, call it a momentary aberration,
and keep counting the days as if nothing had happened. Others
reset their quit dates and start from scratch. It doesn't matter
to the others, who are uniformly consoling (this is largely a
group of moms, after all). Although I doubt that their lung epithelia
and circulatory systems really care, this seems to be an important
psychological issue. And, having seen how troublesome it is to
resolve, I am trying to avoid that confrontation.
The thought of failing is beginning to loom more prominently
as my greatest challenge draws closer. Next week I go on the first
of three summer field trips, about a week alone on the road. I
have no idea how I will handle this. My standard tool so far has
been the quitnet, and more recently e-mail with quitsters, but
I won't have access to it from the highway. Could be done, but
cell phones and cell-capable modems, and 800-number access to
internet are the stuff of the regional sales managers of the world
on expense accounts, not humble field biologists on tight budgets.
Maybe I could stop at public libraries here and there?
Looks like I will need to formulate an approach.
Field-testing the Big Quit.
Heavy Weather.
Month 3
Early rumblings, day 1. The quit has yet to be tested
under field conditions. That is, the event that has always been
associated with smoking, field work while travelling alone, has
not been attempted since the quit began. The formulated approach,
only vaguely worked out in advance (not a good sign) was to check
in with quitnet.org whenever possible and report on my progress.
Much the same approach that worked during the first two weeks.
By day, I could find a library that might have web access, and
at night I could plug the laptop into the phone line and run up
a bill that might be only somewhat more than the cost of Massachusetts
cigarettes.
I did pass an impressive library in Hershey, where my first
collection site is located. I passed by, thinking I was close
enough to a motel stop that I might as well keep going. Besides,
I had two sites to take care of in southern PA. So I did those,
and here I am in the Rambler Inn, in Thurmont MD, the real skinny
part of Maryland just north of West Virginia. It's a modest but
fairly nice place for a mere $42. Plan A is not possible-- no
modular wiring for the phone, so I can't connect the modem. Hmm.
For plan A to work, I may have to upgrade my choice of lodging.
Have to keep that in mind for tomorrow night, as I'm sure I won't
find any public libraries in the West Virginia mountains.
So, what's plan B? Gosh, I don't know. How did people quit
smoking before the internet? Surely it has been done. And I've
not smoked for two months. This is pathetic that I even need plan
A, and didn't bother to bring plan B (or my toothbrush, I've discovered).
Maybe I can do without plan A. Or, maybe I can just pretend someone
else will read this. A future post, perhaps. Guess that's plan
B. There are signs of hope. If I was trying to set myself up,
I might have taken a smoking room, but I didn't. I confess, I
did hesitate when making the choice.
Now what? Brought some really boring reading. I'm not that
desperate yet. Let's see... Ooo, cable. Don't have that at home.
Hmmm. Brady Bunch. Never liked it, even as a kid. Historic documentary
on Ed Sullivan, featuring Herman's Hermits. That was Junior high.
Great fodder for a future Ph.D. dissertation in Interdisciplinary
American Studies. Nah, it's probably been done already. Have I
been time travelling? No, the tv is definitely in color, and I
have whiskers. Ooo, pro wrestling. Orioles or Cubs? History channel
has documentary on trains, with a focus on the magical era of
the circus train. I'm afraid of clowns. Click. Jerry Springer,
"I have a secret for my man" episode, not about closet
smoking. Click. Hmmm, high-budget movie about cockroaches, featuring
a fetching entomologist named Bambi. Click. Some sort of feminist
cartoon, called Daria, with art that looks like a cross between
Beavis & Butthead and Bazooka Joe. Ooo, now Ed Sullivan's
introducing Gerry and the Pacemakers. Ed did have a certain style
all his own. I miss him. Had the cardiac pacemaker been invented
yet, or were these guys ahead of their time? Wonder if there was
ever a group called Danny and the Defibrillators? Click. How sad
that Pam Ewing will never have a baby of her own. JR reminds me
of a certain university administrator. Click. Ooo, big fat strong
guys pulling busses with harnesses and ropes on ESPN. How have
I lived without this? Ooh, that live cop show. Geez, I'm almost
desperate enough for the journal articles. Hmm, maybe we'll go
back to Bambi the entomologist and the problem with roaches. Is
this a great country, or what?
Here, just a few miles south of the Mason Dixon Line, I can
hear some very inexpensive cigarettes beckoning from the convenience
store next to the motel. I am sorely tempted, but I know that
if I cave in on the first night, I'll have a habit to get rid
of by the time I get home. Can't do that. Think I'd be a whole
lot better off just going to bed. I have at least 8 hours of work
to do tomorrow, plus about 6 hours of driving. Could be a long
week.
Big trouble for the Big Quit . Heavy weather on day 2.
It's a twistah! It's a twistah! Dorothy! Where's Dorothy?
After a busy day fighting with thorns, ants and DC traffic,
here I am with a pillow and powerbook in the hallway of the Comfort
Inn in Frostburg MD. It has been an eventful evening in these
parts. I pulled off the interstate in tiny Flintstone MD (no lodging
and two closed diners) due to a tornado warning, about 7:30. Several
tornadoes had been sighted within about 20 miles of there, and
it seemed like a good idea at the time. Found shelter in a mom
and pop bait shop/gas station/convenience store. Proprietor and
a few stranded locals were smoking up a storm, picking up reports
on the scanner of of funnel clouds at nearby spots. I was too,
after about an hour of watching lightning all around, horizontal
hail pelting my car and a several inch-deep river rushing down
the steep street.
The warning was in effect until 9:00, so I stuck it out at
Billy Bob's and got back on the road when it was downgraded to
a tornado watch, trying to get to Morgantown WV for the night.
Ten miles down the road, the radio had reports of yet another
warning. A tornado was moving right between my destination and
me. So, I pulled off here in Frostburg. The wind practically blew
me through the door of the motel, and they actually had a room
for me. As soon as I got in, a hotel employee was knocking on
all the doors, ordering everyone into the hall with a pillow.
This is the first time I've actually heard emergency sirens going
off.
This is a frightening storm. And there's a scary looking guy
who looks like Lon Chaney lurking down the hall. I've just heard
that Frostburg did get hit in a couple of places. Now I'm back
inside the room, with the real threat apparently missing us for
now. I had visions of spending the night in the bait shop with
Billy Bob, and then visions of being blown off a mountainside
on I-68 before I could find an exit. There is apparently another
headed in this general direction, but not knowing the towns around
here, or where the radio station is located, it's not clear just
how close it is. They are still telling mobile home residents
to find another place for the night, and warning travellers to
get off the road. There are still sirens outside, sounds like
the emergency ones plus fire and either police or ambulances.
I've smoked.
I've let you down. Thanks to a few others who have done the
same, I don't feel too horrible about it. That surprises me. The
excuse was not too feeble, but not good enough. Since there's
nothing in the manual about what to do in the event of tornadoes,
I'm going to chalk this up as tornado-induced slippage, although
I know that my evil twin was really looking for an excuse and
might well have settled for less. He was bothering me a lot last
night, and all day today.
I did discover that cigarettes really do taste lousy after
two months without them-- this is clearly an acquired taste that
I had lost in 64 days of abstinence, and gave me no comfort at
Billy Bob's. I don't know how many I smoked, more than 3. After
a few, I was quite disappointed in the lack of physical gratification,
and in myself. The rest of the pack is in Billy Bob's dumpster.
I'm ready to continue the effort, with the wisdom that it ain't
over till it's over. Couldn't take your word for it, had to learn
it for myself, as usual.
Field test, day 3. Tonight, I connected to quitnet.org
and spent $17.00, reading responses to the pitiful story above.
Collectively, the quitsters are quite an endearing lot; I could
never go back to smoking now. Whatever would I do without them
(we all know the answer to that, don't we)? And how could I have
been so foolish to think I was ready to leave? That was very premature.
I'm back. I'm also convinced that my evil twin was determined
to have his day, had been working on it for weeks, and seized
his opportunity yesterday. Something about the price of liberty
and perpetual vigilance comes to mind.
Today was not a problem, but then the weather was perfect and
the scenery gorgeous, a reminder of why I do whatever it is that
I do. I did see one place where a tornado touched down, right
on the Interstate, just a few miles beyond last night's motel,
in an uninhabited forested area. Big oak trees, 1-2 feet in diameter,
were snapped off at the trunks. I heard that several houses were
destroyed in Frostburg and surrounding towns.
Field test, day 5.
- Nature-boy on the road ToddL on 06/05/1998 22:59:06
Dear Quitsters, Here I am in Dillard, GA, just south of the Great
SMOKEY Mountains. Passed through ASHeville this morning, and
went past WINSTON-SALEM NC last night and Upper MARLBORO MD three
days ago. I passed CAMELback Mountain in Pennsylvania, and spent
some time along the CHEAT River in West Virginia.
While in West Virginia, I also passed FAT BOY'S PORK PALACE
("where the hog is king") in Brandywine. Not particularly
smoke-related, unless you consider the weight gain issue. Didn't
eat there, but got a picture. My guess is that they don't get
many couples there on first dates. And I can imagine the waitresses
(not to mention the proprietor), can't you?
Speaking of triggers, my elderly car developed some steering
irregularities in West Virginia, whining loudly (an unusual sound
in the absence of students) during sharp turns at low speeds.
I found a Ford dealer in Elkins, and Bubba said she'd be ok as
long as I stop ever' 50 miles or so to fillerup with fluid. So
that's what I been doin'. Whew. I had visions of spending a whole
day in Elkins getting it fixed, with nothing to do but... you
know.
Long car trips alone are loaded with triggers. Heck, I bet
even more are waiting for me on the way back, which I start tomorrow.
Wish some of you could talk my ear off on the way home.
The mountains are stunning. I'm a bit late for the rhododendron
blooms, although I had an encounter with a thicket of them at
one of my field sites in NC. I seem to have picked up some chiggers
and poison ivy, too. Nature has its price, and always wins in
the end.
ta ta,
Todd(itchy 'n' scratchy somewhere in month 3)L
Heading home, and about time. The final leg of this 2580 mile,
7-day trip was uneventful, but disconcerting. I wasn't smoking,
but the car had taken up the habit. Power steering fluid smolders
when spattering on a hot engine. This was noticeable only at low
speeds. I kept going fast, so I wouldn't notice, hoping that maybe
the engine would not burst into flames until I got home.
Withdrawal symptoms nobody
told you about
The slippage of last week has convinced me that I need to return
to quitnet.org. I'm still not cured. Since my return, I visit
there with every craving, and these still come quite often. Sometimes
I have some whining to do:
- A little-known withdrawal symptom and newfound youth ToddL
on 06/09/1998 15:20:41
- The literature on quitting seems to leave out a few things.
You know, symptoms that maybe you'd like to have known about
in advance, but nobody had the nerve to tell you about. And then
you find this place and see all these exclamation marks and happystuff
flying around and you think gosh, this quitting must surely be
the key to youth and perpetual bliss. So, early in the quit you
develop these huge expectations about all the great things that
will come your way if you can just keep that next cigarette out
of your lips. Testimonials from quitsters who are packing serious
numbers on their quitmeters, measured to the nannosecond, tell
about how their brisk exercise programmes have become so much
more invigorating since they quit. Some have lost weight because
they have so much new-found vigor, they just can't stand still
long enough for the fat cells to find a place to settle in and
proliferate. We hear about changes in hair color, loss of wrinkles,
regained stamina, good breath, improved relations with family
and friends, yada, yada, yada; how could these stories do anything
but keep us all going? Heck yes, sign me up!
Well, buckaroos, let me share something with you. You may
not recapture all of the pleasures of youth. My right knee still
snaps with every step. Grey hairs are still alive and happily
taking over on my noggin. There has been no obvious change in
stamina for me, and my short-term memory is still only about
64K. There has, however, been one change in physiology that is
truly youthful. One change has indeed made me feel like a teenager
again.
Quitzits. Serially! I am not kidding here! Genuine quit-related
zits, in the manner of a 13-year-old teenager-in-love, taking
up long-term residence on the mug, especially the old schnozzola,
as if it hasn't had enough trouble lately. Plain as day, in full
bloom.
Gawd. Wonder if this happened to Joe Camel when he quit?
I can always count on quitnet for interesting replies, e.g.:
- Re: A little-known withdrawal symptom and newfound youth
meeem on 06/09/1998 15:42:29
ToddL, Well, good for you! At least you've gotten something
from your quit besides a little more change in your pockets and
non-alligator breath. So far, I feel I've gotten nothing. I've
been quit for a month and 2 days and am still waiting for something
great to happen - am still miserable, still wanting to smoke,
and still depressed about the whole thing. When are all those
wonderful things going to happen? I'll be too old by then to
enjoy them, I guess! Cheers!
- Re: A little-known withdrawal symptom and newfound youth
annlee on 06/09/1998 16:05:53
- so glad you are still here. the symptom that no-one told
me about is an excess of intestinal gas. I swear that my digestive
system has been playing show tunes. Talked to a couple quitters
about this and they have to agree that they also have had this
malady.
Take my evil twin... PLEASE!
It is worth joining quitnet.org just to read the posts of KateW
(pron. "katoo"), who came along with her virtual husband
JohnW while I was out of town. I was particularly interested to
learn that she has an evil twin. The beauty of quitnet is that
we discover we are not alone, no matter how peculiar we thought
we were:
- My evil twin... KateW on 06/15/1998 16:05:12
- Wants me to give up this quit! My evil twin says that because
I quit THREE DAYS before my quit date, that I am ENTITLED to
3 days of smoking. My evil twin says that I can smoke either
all 3 days at once or that I can smoke 1 day now and save the
other two for later.
Shut up, evil twin.
Kate
Attractive male evil twin seeks companion for smoking pleasures,
long walks, good times, conspiracies. Professional, well-bred,
very discreet. Call 1-900-evl-twin.
- Re: MET seeks FET for smoking fun KateW on 06/16/1998
18:08:52
EVERYone knows evil twins are NOT discreet.
- Re: Re: MET seeks FET for smoking fun ToddL on 06/16/1998
18:17:06
- This is a closet-smoking evil twin. Very discreet. Come on,
he's perfect for her. I've got to get him fixed up with someone,
he's really getting on my nerves.
- Take my Evil Twin...PLEASE! ToddL on 06/17/1998 16:07:37
Dear Quitsters,
Well, I had high hopes that my Evil Twin would hit it off
with KateW's Evil Twin, so he'd run off and leave me alone. It
seemed so right. But, I'm afraid that Winston and Medusa didn't
really hit it off. He claims Medusa is just too obnoxious, but
I'm sure it was mostly Winston's fault. Anyway, he's still shadowing
me. If anyone has an evil twin who might be compatible with Winston,
please let me know. He sews all his own clothes, is a great dancer,
and has a nice clear complexion, a really deep voice, and a great
personality until you get to know him a little bit.
I'll be around. Best, ToddL
- Re: Take my Evil Twin...PLEASE! KateW on 06/17/1998
16:15:47
Hmmmm....THAT's not Medusa's story...she said Winston had
PIMPLES like a high school kid and a big Adam's apple that rode
up and down like a turkey's.
Tag, you're it.
- Re: Take my Evil Twin...PLEASE! TaraLyn on 06/17/1998
17:51:02
My evil twin is a freaky crazy woman who I wish would go away.
Do you think Winston would be interested? Let me know, I'll set
it up. I don't care, I think Eve Menthol would enjoy an adam's
apple.
- Re: Take my Evil Twin...PLEASE! ninety9 on 06/17/1998
19:10:25
-
- Dear Winston, Name's Virginia Slim, but you can call me Virgil.
I'm a long, lean smokin machine. I like my men like I like my
smokes. Rich, Smooth, and Hot. I'll show up when you least expect
me and I wont go home till I'm good and satisfied. I'll always
be lurking just around the corner. So WATCH OUT!!! I might just
jump out and surprise you one of these days.
-
- Re: Take my Evil Twin...PLEASE!-- So many choices. ToddL
on 06/17/1998 22:11:03
- I had intended to screen his "candidates," but
it seems that Winston has joined quitnet under an assumed name
and has received "q-mail" from a Ms. C. D'Evil. I don't
know anything about her, but they have already made plans to
go to a dog show tomorrow, if it stops raining. I'm really hoping
that she's "the one." However, Winston has never managed
to form lasting attachments before, so there may still be hope
for Eve or Virginia. I'll let you know.
Let's "keep our fingers crossed."
Despite these efforts to get rid of him, and more activities
with Cruella, my evil twin still visits regularly, nearly every
afternoon. I am becoming very worn down by the constant pressure,
but there are now some signs of hope.
The end of the floaties*
Through twelve weeks I've worried, waiting it out in quiet
desperation. I'm not sure whether it has been a withdrawal symptom,
or something unrelated to the quit, so I haven't said much about
it. Some of you may remember me doing a more than a little whining
about this back in April, but it has persisted much longer than
most peoples' complaints seem to last. With every upbeat report
from those in their second month, telling how great they feel,
I've felt cheated a little more.
I've had these weird feelings of imbalance, general clumsiness,
and a floaty feeling while walking. I call it the floaties. It
was different from the mental fog/stupidity that afflicts so many.
I had that, too. I don't think this ever became apparent to others,
but there have been times when I have thought I was going to either
fall over or become airborne. The symptoms have actually plagued
me since before my quit, but since they began at the same time
that I began my practice sessions (a period of several hectic
quits, failures, dramatic cut-downs, and new attempts during a
two week period), I've hoped that they're related to withdrawal.
Two months came and went, and the feelings persisted. Withdrawal
symptoms like these after 2 months? Nobody else seemed to talk
about these. The literature I'd seen described light-headedness
that might last for days, but nothing like this. Thoughts of afflictions
much worse than nicotine withdrawal were never far away from my
mind.
The floaties seem to have abated during the last few days.
I hope they stay away. What a difference. Finally, after twelve
weeks, I feel I can tell you about them. So, if you experience
something similar, there is hope. You might not have a brain tumor,
or multiple sclerosis, or Lou Gehrig's Disease, or any of a number
of other things my imagination has conjured up. But it may take
quite a while for the symptoms to go away, so be patient, and
walk carefully.
Now if I could only get rid of this painful case of browser's
butt and these nasty quitzits...
*Note:
I have since concluded that the symptom of imbalance was not
related
to the quit, but to time on a small boat in rough water. This has
recurred every time I've taken a small boat trip in rough water,
whether I've had a quit in the works or not. Some searching of
symptoms led me to information about Apres de Disembarquement Syndrome,
which is an inner ear problem that takes months to go away (sometimes
years), and has no treatment.
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