We have been home for a little over a week and life around us is just as it was before we left.  That is to be expected.  However, the stone which I keep stumbling over is the fact that we have changed.  I see my surroundings and my place in them differently than I did just a mere two weeks ago.  I have felt a quiet heaviness on my heart ever since we returned home; a sort of weird discontent - not with what we have, but what we do with what we have - our gifts, our time and our passion.  I have spoken to Amelia and  the Wheelers about it, and they feel it too.  We are changed.  We don't know what the future looks like, but we know it will be much different than today.  We were witness to so many needs, and people using their gifts to help those needs.  It was more then inspiring.  I believe we have crossed a juncture that we will never be able to go back over.  We can't just gloss it over as a "neat experience" and turn our direction back to the trivial things in life.  

 

The most amazing aspect is that only five years ago I had no interest in adoption.  I did not want to deal with someone "else's mistake".  God has changed my heart and my vision towards adoption through the process of Micah and Elliot.  I know they were meant to be my sons since the beginning of time.  When I look into Micah's eyes, I am overwhelmed with joy.  However, I want to do more than just enjoy my sons.  My heart has been changed for a purpose that is greater than me.

 

We are surrounded with such abundance here in the U.S.A. and we have brothers and sisters around the world who have incredible needs.  Many of these needs are simple things that we take for granted...things that would in the scale of economy cost us nothing.  I don't want to point fingers, or judge us as a country or individuals.  I merely want to do what I am called to do to make a difference; not just for today, but for eternity.

 

I have been examining my heart, gifts, love, fears, and dreams in comparison to the needs around me and the people God has placed around me to partner with to determine how to better to utilize the short time I have left on this planet.  I have not worked out the details, but I know the One who has.  I eagerly await His direction.