the beginning of the end

from the moment i first laid eyes on him i knew it was true love. i made the trip to the shelter to find myself an older rescue. when i went with the clerk behind the wall, there he was. he didn’t get up to meet me or come to the gate of the cage, he just laid there looking at me sideways. when i walked away he did this thing with his paw that he still does to this day. i didn’t think much more of him until awoke at two in the morning in a panic. i called the shelter right away, leaving a message that begged them not to do anything with him until i arrived. i was there before they opened at 8:30 am. it was as if i were possessed. i couldn’t live without him.

rewind 15 years. boots. my childhood dog. i loved that dog something awful. as a young man i took on the responsibility when it came time to have her put down. it was a horrifying thing. i never wanted to go through that again.

fast forward to 1999. they took him out of the cage into the yard and let him run. all of 10 weeks and 10 lbs, he tried to stop when he got to me but the ground was wet and his backside went through his front legs and well, he slid under me on his back with a goofy grin. i called after him “ricky!” and he responded. it was destiny. but fate is fickle and it reminded me that with every beginning there comes an end. i knew the horrifying truth. though dogs are more loyal then men, they die sooner.

some people have a difficult time talking about death. most people anyway. not me. death is life. an inevitable fact that completes the cycle.

i’ve had ten amazing years with ricky. of those years together, i was single almost five. he’s never quite gotten used to the idea of sharing me with james but they each have enough love for one another to please me. his heart broke when drifter died and he’s never gotten over the salon closing (he spent all day with me for eight years) but he’s a trooper. he’s gone from 10 lb pup to 85 lb dog.
6’ standing on hind legs, now grown gray and grizzled yet still has the sweetest eyes capable of piercing your heart. even on his worst days he’s happy to come with me anywhere i choose to roam. just as long as we can share the road together.

as we stand at the beginning of the end, each moment holds value no more or less than the last.
i knew for sure this day would come thereby assuring our life together would be full. he doesn’t know what’s coming next, only that i love him powerfully. the way it should be.