man’s best friend

anyone who knows me knows i am a dog person.
i think dogs are the most strange and wondrous creatures.
to have loved and been loved by a good dog is a religious experience.
they tuck themselves into our day to day life and slowly, almost imperceptibly change every aspect of our existence. the person i am today is a great deal more patient, loving and less willing to hold a grudge since ricky bound into the picture. he created momentum in vast empty tracts of my life and reordered my priorities. the choice to have ricky in my life changed life itself. though he was a dog, i liked him a good deal more than i do most humans.

normal dogs have an enormous capacity to bond. ricky imbedded.
no matter where i went, there he was. happily spoiled. large and in charge.
james used to call him “the rat”. from our first kiss to james’ proposal of marriage, ricky interrupted everything. he had a way of pushing himself between us that i found humorous (and james found prohibitively annoying).
eventually they learned to love one another and live together but to the last breath, ricky vied to be first in my heart. just the thought of it pulls all the air from my lungs. we adored one another. all of my memories.. my grief, my triumphs, my failures, my joy.. the last 10 years are marked with ricky at my side. thankfully, i was always aware of how incredibly blessed i was to share space with this particular creature. my angel. my best guy.

this morning, our last together, we walked to washington square park.
just the two of us, as we did so many mornings long ago when he was just a pup. ricky knew where we were headed. his sense of anticipation tempered but obvious. upon entering we could see that the park was filled with the ghosts of our past and though his ears pricked up upon seeing the many squirrels, his body was no longer eager to give chase. we ambled over to the fountain to sit and he just looked about, as if at any moment something familiar would appear. our walk home was long, and slow, and sad.

there is hope in ever after. the idea that somewhere he and drifter are roaming the beach together again. that is my idea of heaven.
i could not have wanted for a more loyal, loving and humorous companion to share this part of the journey.