family
 
there are many definitions of the word family. the one i like best is on my desktop widget dictionary and it defines family as: (noun) a person or people related to one another and so to be treated with a special loyalty or intimacy. there are also the families we create. bonds forged in love by choice and affection. i think what matters most is the commitment to being a family. to honoring that commitment in a difficult and stormy present. to forgiveness of past transgression and fallibility. to moving on and ahead. some days it’s easy to forget my family. life gets busy and the people and commitments right in front of me take precedence. as the youngest child, i’ve always been my own brand of selfish. not much has changed as an adult. i could express my thoughts on family and faults but frankly nobody is perfect. the thing i see within my siblings is that they try to connect, to relate. no matter what, they wouldn’t break the bonds. i should know. i’ve tested the limits for years. i’ve never understood families who cut each other out. catastrophic and abusive behavior aside, i don’t know how one can stop fighting for that connection. maybe it’s because my life is more than half over and my parents are dead. i don’t know. i do know that we choose what we choose and no matter how we try to define or explain away that choice, it is a choice. my father was the human equivalent of T-REX when i was a kid. you could feel his wrath coming up the stairs by the floor vibrations. he scared the hell of me. like the rest of us, my dad was an imperfect person who often fell short. but he never stopped trying. how can i not honor and love him for that alone? being an uncle has always been a kick. i’ve always been proud of my nieces and nephews, even when they got into trouble (my nieces would want me to point out that it was the boys). i adored them as children and i like the people they have become. as they have grown into men and women with full lives of their own, i realize how much work i have ahead of me. each day when i come to work i’m doing what i love. i’ve made some mistakes along the way and though i care less what people think of me than of my product, i hope my family is proud to have their name attached to this enterprise. i never thought to ask.
Saturday, September 19, 2009