I Wrote This Last Year, but I Feel Like This Today

I’ve got that I-want-to-do-anything-but-what-I-need-to-do feeling (laundry, dishes, take out the garbage, among other things). I’m edgy, I feel like blogging but my thoughts are not coalescing into a solid blog idea entry. It’s like, ok, I’ll go take out the garbage but not until I see how this segment of Clean House ends...the reveal...and I really want to crack open a bottle of wine and drink it from the bottle and crank up Company of Thieves but first I’ll wash a few dishes and the coffee pot after I check my email. F..k.

Right now my computer is my scroll, bear with me, I’m no big-time writer, but I want to rant and let these roiling thoughts roll out.................................................

So, I think Georgia O’Keeffe’s flower paintings look like female anatomy but what’s wrong with that? Giant paintings of lovely anatomically correct flowers? I am working on a large painting of my daughter France’s interpretation of an Emily Dickinson (big-time writer) poem. It will be monstrously large, with fire and ice and emeralds and the streaky sky and a bit of a windy windblown housewife and her broom.

Mantini will be in the studio all day tomorrow and I will be working. He just put two tomatoes and some hot chili peppers in the ‘fridge or else they’re not gonna last, oops, don’t show those nipples on Dr. 90210, blurrrrr, maybe I can paint huge pictures of flowers that look like abstracted nipples...

NO, did her daughter have a pierced tongue, I didn’t see?...well, I do have a big tattoo...

Yes, you can switch it, what’s he going to choose??? aaaaahh Spanking the Monkey, no, The Truth About Cats and Dogs, Uma Thurman is in it, rumor is she’s going to play Alice Neel in a documentary, or so says K-Alt.

Frances wants a snack, she’s chosen a:

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup;

good choice, every now and then, a mom knows she’s done something right...Anto has now come downstairs looking for a snack, what will she choose? Nothing right now, maybe later, Hans wants to know what’s the ruckus, he nabbed two Hershey’s kisses and a sucker last night after trick-or-treating and wants more, I think we’ll have a party next year (this year), it’s time, I’ll send all of the children into my basement, that would scare the crap out of them, in fact, it scares me...

We have a hedgehog living in our garage, I feed him cat food and oranges, he likes that.

I’m hot but if I take of my hoodie I’ll be cold and that’s annoying, my house has radiators so it’s a different temperature in every room, yeah, yeah, update the basement and the heating...orrrrrr, buy a cottage on Chincoteague Island and go there when my temperature needs an ad-just; ride horses, kayak, draw, paint, write, play my guitar,and then roast or chill on the beach at Assateague Island and swim even if the water is cold I don’t care gimme the waves, fast and furious and salty, I scare people when I swim way out but I can’t swim well if surrounded by people, so I have to go out further where it’s way over my head but the lifeguards trust me now, so they let me go on until I can’t see anything around me except the waves. The beach folks stare at me when I come in and wonder who I am and I don’t tell them anything other than that I’m part-mermaid, which freaks them out, haha, so I towel off and go to the crab-shack.

My mom doesn’t like shellfish, only Lake Erie perch, her house is referred to by my daughters as “Non’s Snack Shack”, she likes that, I’m invited to three parties this weekend, hope to make it to two, and so then with my inevitable hangover on Sunday,

I will drink coffee, eat the Halloween candy for breakfast

that Frances and Anto don’t like, for example,

Rolos, Hot Tamales and Sugar Daddys,

sounds like a good name for an “avante garde” flick...

then I, awash with coffee and sugar, will write about anarchist’s headstones during the Spanish Revolution, lipstick, stigma, the use and power of words, and the ultimate futility of cemeteries.

xoxo, Beth.

Slightly Edited, Pre-Halloween

Monday, September 21, 2009

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