personification

noun

the attribution of a personal nature or human characteristics to something nonhuman, or the representation of an abstract quality in human form.

OK, you got that?.....You know and I know what I’m talking about here.....My plants are out to get me!!!.........:)

You know what some folks say about being paranoid don’t you....”I’m not paranoid, not me.....I don’t THINK folks are out to get me, I KNOW IT”.......Well folks I’m here to tell you my plants are out to get me....Not all my plants mind you, just the ungrateful, uncaring ,mean, selfish, spoiled, greedy ones....:)

Don’t take my word for it.....You want an example you say, here goes.....I got me some of those ‘Goldstrum’ rudbeckia, why I loved them plants all my short but disappointed and disheartened gardening life....You know what they did? After I dug them little ingrates up with my own hands and divided them, divided them so they could feel just like kids again, gave them things a new lease on life by doing it too,.....

Well those greedy little brats have done took over the middle of my side border!!!....Can you believe it?.....Hey that ain’t all, oh no, they knocked down my Perovskia atriplicifolia, my Russian sage....Stomped that sucker to the ground....pushed it aside like a wet dish towel on the floor,,,,,,Shocking you say, darn right its shocking....And let me tell you one thing else, if I wasn’t the warm hearted, caring, unselfish person I am, why I’d shovel prune them suckers into the compost pile in a heart beat!!!......Sorry, I get carried away sometimes when my hearts been broken and I’ve been used and taken advantage of....

And for god’s sake don’t get me started telling you about ‘Herbstonne’ rudbeckia.....Let’s just put it this way, I gave them the best corner I got, you know the one over there next to Mr. Bates house. Yea that one.....My showcase corner.....What we do for our plants, the sacrifices.....Oh don’t get me started.....They think they’re too big for me to do something about it, them being about 7 feet tall at maturity (like they ever acted mature in they’re whole life) but I ain’t scared of them no matter how tall they git....Before I tell you what they did let me tell what I did for them....I spaced  4 of them down one side of my BEST CORNER and 4 down the other side, the other side of my BEST CORNER.

And then slap dab in the corner itself I put a Helianthus angustifolius, don’t you just love those, and so well behaved, oh if all my plants just behaved as well as those little darlings my life would be like heaven instead of the purgatory like mess I’ve been thrust into lately.....Now in front of it all I got a drift of echinacea purpurea....I know, I know its inspired but when I’m not being harassed and bullied by some of my plants I can come up with some really beautiful combinations if I do say so myself....Of course you know me, I’m not one to toot my own horn....

So getting back to what those big beasts did to me, the ‘Herbstonne’s , the ‘Herbstonnes” from Hades they aught to be called as far as I’m concerned.....Oh I can’t hardly bare it, let me just tell you the rest of it and get it over with....The Piedmont Garden Club was coming over to my house to see my garden, that’s right, The Piedmont Alabama Garden Club!!!...Take that and put it in your pipe and smoke it Martha Stewart.....Well the morning of the afternoon they’re supposed to come and gaze on what God probably wanted paradise to look like, my garden, it started raining....Not a big rain, tiny ity bity rain....and the wind got up, not a lot mind you, a tiny ity bity wind.....and you know what them lazy no good shiftless ‘Herbstonne’ rubeckias did to me?....

They used a little ity bity rain and wind as an excuse to lay right down on the ground!!......I tell you give me patience Lord....Laid down on the ground 4 hours before the Piedmont Alabama Garden Club was coming to my house!!!

And on top of that one of them bullies fell into and knocked over that sweetest of sweet Helianthus angustifolius, the well behaved, cute as a button Swamp Sunflower I was telling you about.....Was I livid?...Of course I was.....And I knew at that moment, knew it like I know my own name, Paul from Alabama......knew that those plants were out to get me. You see you’re only paranoid if you THINK you’re plants are out to get you, I KNOW IT....

personification

noun

the attribution of a personal nature or human characteristics to something nonhuman, or the representation of an abstract quality in human form.

Paul from Alabama