On February 25th, 2006 I sent the following call to online list-serves (rhizome.org, craigslist.org, artsopportunities.org, cac.ca.gov and artdeadline.com) and over 200 personal and professional contacts. 

Call for Artists/ Speech Writters - $50 prize

Can you imagine a speech given by president Bush that would convince you that he has had a change of heart and could actually be the president of your dreams?  

It is all too easy (and seems to get easier and easier) to criticize our president and his administration.  Life changing events (often of the extremely painful variety) force us to reevaluate our values and actions.  What if this happened to our president.  What if he were humbled in some way which caused a profound change in his outlook on life and his role as the leader of our country - turning the aggressive posturing of an all-attack-all-the-time leader into a gentler, wiser soul determined to demonstrate the power of honesty and vulnerability.  Channel your frustration, use your wit and ingenuity to write "the speech that shocked the world."  Send your 1-2  page typed speech to me by March 6th at submit@helenakeeffe.com to be considered for the award of "most convincing" speech.  The winning speech will be read by a Bush impersonator and made into an audio recording, which will be available to the public on my website.  The winner will receive a $50 cash prize and a copy of the audio recording.

I received several responses in support of the project but not a single serious attempt at writing a speech.  Finally, two days after the deadline, I received news that a group of first graders from Rooftop Elementary in San Francisco, had written speeches.  Upon receiving their humorous and thoughtful contributions I found a most convincing George W. Bush impersonator in Jim Meskimen. In lieu of awarding the young speech writers a monetary prize, I elected to use the funds to throw them a cake party. Photographs from the party, as well as the Bush impersonator’s reading of the kids’ speeches are below. Please enjoy these two speeches from Melissa and Natalia.

              

                  

                     Lumi Sugazawa O’Neill               Melissa Mongan                       Natalia Howard                  Hannah Cohen-Sidley                       Zoe Baker   

The Making of 256 Dollars

The night I worked for Helena Keeffe was fairly ordinary. I did have one table of note. Prior to the table being seated I received a  TC from the hostess. A TC is a small note that contains relevant information about a table, such as dietary restrictions, celebrations and other details. This particular TC had a quoted note from the guests’ online reservation. It read, “it’s our 25th anniversary, please bring my beautiful bride something chocolate for dessert.” After several minutes of waiting on this couple it was clear that their love was still going strong. They sat on the same side of the table and were cuddling and exchanging affection between courses. On a few occasions the man referred to his wife as “my beautiful bride.” Towards the end of their meal, my front waiter (sort of like my assistant) informed me that the couple had asked to have a menu autographed by the staff. I approached the table and they confirmed that they did in fact want a signed menu. They told me that they collect menus and keep them in their wine cellar. The gentleman went on to tell me that what they like to do is go to the cellar, open up a nice bottle of wine and peruse their autographed menus reflecting on all the fine meals and service they’ve enjoyed over the years.