Things I have learned from The Pumpkin (that I never knew I didn’t want to know):

 

One:  Never give your baby a chocolate chip cookie at 8 p.m.  (If you don’t get it, you’re either one of those healthy wholesome “natural” parents, or else you don’t have kids at all.  If, on the other hand, your response is nervous laughter, well, you know what I mean.)

 

Two:  When a pint of blueberries goes in, what comes out is hard and dense and, alarmingly, jet black.

 

Three:  Baby asparagus pee is just like adult asparagus pee.  Only, it’s trapped in a diaper.  (Think about it.)