Hey kids,

We ended up raising almost $500 for the Child’s Play Charity.  As a gesture, I decided to match the donation and round the whole thing up to $1000.  Nice work everyone.  I know it will all go towards those who really need it.

Secondly, we are doing EVERYTHING possible to get the chocolate out.  We have sent out 2/3 of all orders, but are waiting on the chocolate to finish the rest.  I will say this: YOU WILL HAVE THE CHOCOLATE BEFORE VALENTINES.  Even if I have to pay to overnight it to everyone, I will. 

But now for some griping.  I understand that you, as an individual, are concerned that I won’t get your candy to you in time.  I really understand this.  But when all of the “you’s” get together and start emailing me about when they are going to get it, it starts taking time away from me actually getting the chocolate out to you to tell you that I am trying to get the chocolate out to you.

Also, for those of you who haven’t become 15th level paypal users, and haven’t mastered the skills of changing shipping addresses, or can’t remember where you live, so you type in the wrong mailing address, I will say this: I take the addresses that paypal gives me, EXACTLY as they are written, and print them onto labels.  Then I have to go through and weed out all of the labels from the paypal noobs and create new labels based on the random emails that I get stating the need for address changes.  That being said, sometimes mistakes happen.  You complicated the situation in the first place, and we are doing our best to get it right, but we are humans and are trying to work fast and precisely.  So occasionally we goof. 

Then we get something like this:

“Hello,

Several weeks ago I placed an order online for chocolates to be delivered to an address different from my billing address. I emailed twice and called once to confirm that this wasn't going to be a problem and you assured me it wouldn't. So what show's up today in my mailbox (the billing address)? Of course, the chocolates.

Aaargh. What happened?”

Or this:

“I am very disappointed that an order I placed with you (and paid for that same day) has not yet arrived at my daughter’s home in Chicago.

 

I would appreciate a prompt refund or reply.”

Umm... well, we fucked up.  As far as the not getting to you in a timely manner... OK, I have to say it.  We all have spam accounts, emails we create for the sole purpose of not being bothered by the countless spam emails out there.  I have over 20 email addresses, many of them spam, so trust me, I know. 

BUT, if you create a paypal account with a spam email address, and the seller is trying to get a hold of you and the only means is through the email address paypal supplies, don’t write me because you haven’t heard anything. Check your damn email.  I have spent HOURS replying to people who have written in bitching (and, no, they are not just inquiring, they are actually bitching) saying how they haven’t gotten anything back from me except the paypal generated receipt, because they don’t check their spam account.  I try and be polite and chalk it up to it “accidently going into the spam box”, but I am not stupid, you don’t check that account.  Most of us, me included, just delete everything in the in-box.

I don’t mind the fact you aren’t checking your email.  I mind the fact that you write irate emails.  I can’t write irate emails back, or I run the risk of having paypal come down on me hard.  So I have to vent.  The other day my fist vented into my living room wall. (see above image) I even get emails from people like this:

“I was in love with your Mii chocolates the minute I saw them. But they were sold out on your website when I found out about them. Luckily, thinkgeek.com bought some from you and gave me another chance. I was on my computer at 1:30 in the morning waiting for them to become available. Anyways, I ordered them and they just arrived. Screw thinkgeek.com! To begin with the chocolates don't come in the Wii box with the writing. WTF! Your official website sent me there to order it from thinkgeek, but it never mentioned that the chocolates wound not come in the Wii box or that the product would be different in any way to the ones you yourself were shipping out. Say what you please, but the box really added a layer of thought and care to the product, and most of the reason I ordered it. I mean, my girlfriend will eat the chocolate. I wanted her to have the box to hold on to for memories and to show her friends. Then, the fucking male avatar was broken in half! He was shipped that way because his head was turned upside down from the rest of his body and packed tightly with bubble wrap. So it didn't happen in the shipping process. I'm definitely returning the P.O.S. But next time you screw a bunch of people like myself out of getting the true product you are making by selling 500 of them to an incompetent website...think again. I'm sure you stand by the quality of your product...but thinkgeek surely does not. I'm sorry but no matter how awesome the stuff you make is, I'll never purchase from you or thinkgeek.com because of this dissapointing Valentines gift.”

Fortunately, this man actually wrote an apology.  But who does this?  Can’t you just write a nice letter inquiring about something?  Just pose the question.  Don’t yell at me.  I can’t yell back.  If you want to be disappointed, or tell me to fuck off, then say it out loud, don’t email me with it.  Because I read it and don’t want to help.  Ask me and I will go to the ends of the earth to help you out.  Yell at me, throw your “weight” around, and I won’t.

I love the customers, I do.  But we have all become so used to instant gratification, to bitching until we get our way, that we forget that there are REAL PEOPLE on the other end.  I am not a machine.  I have feelers, just like you.  You are pissed, I am pissed that I have to deal with people who are pissed because they aren’t doing what they need to do.

So everyone calm down a little.  It’s almost over.  If I messed up, I will fix it.  If the post office delivers a drop-kicked box of chocolates, let me know.  I don’t want to know you are disappointed, or upset, or that you are giving the gift to someone special (who buys gifts for people they hate?), just tell me the situation.  To quote Joe Friday: ”Just the facts, ma’am.”  I will help you if I can.  And stop asking if the box has shipped.  PLEASE!