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Every Man’s Survival Guide to Ballroom Dancing

3) Focus on rhythm patterns, not direction. A step pattern defines the bigger motions a couple makes moving around the floor; it combines a direction, which is where to move your feet, with a rhythm pattern, which is when to make weight changes. A rhythm pattern has to do with whether you step or don’t step on a beat of music, and whether you get fancy and step between beats of music, not the geography created when you move around the floor. For the beginner, I believe understanding when to step (rhythm patterns) is far more important than where to step (direction). Rhythm patterns—not to be confused with the rhythmic beat of the music—are the focus of this book.

4) Focus on technique, not learning more step patterns. If a step pattern is what you do moving around the floor, technique is how you do it. Technique is the subtle movements of the body that improves the look of the step pattern. Most newbies are focused on step patterns, on what foot to move and where to move it. But remember to pay attention when your teacher tells you how to move your body, how to make it look better. Please, look beyond patterns: see that good technique looks better than an encyclopedic memory and regurgitation of sloppy patterns; and that a well–executed, simple step pleases the eye—and your partner—more than a poorly executed, eye-catching pattern. Partners will line up for the guy with a handful of perfect patterns as quickly as they will avoid the schlub with dozens of reckless steps.

5) Get out and dance. This book should help a great deal, but don’t expect miracles: you can’t learn to dance just from reading a book. You must get out and dance, even occasionally, because any time on the dance floor will make you better. Thankfully, with great music and enjoyable partners, the work is easy.

 

6) Dance with a variety of partners. While having a regular dance partner is wonderful and will accelerate your progress, as a beginner, dancing with only one person over time might result in bad habits. It’s important to have a variety of partners, as adjusting to a new partner is a basic dance skill. Of course, if you’re shy, to find any partner is a challenge. A class is a good route as teachers usually rotate partners every few minutes.

7) Dance-Up. Dancing-up means asking better dancers than you to dance. If you’re a beginner and only dance with partners of equal ability (read: little ability), stuff won’t work and it’s easy to assume you’re at fault, a bad dancer. When you dance-up, miraculously, things begin to work and you’re able to move to the next level. You should, at least occasionally, dance-up if you want to progress at a reasonable rate. It may be intimidating but, every now and then, do it.

8) Recover seamlessly from mistakes. As a beginner, mistakes will be plentiful. Handling mistakes is tough—it’s not always clear who’s at fault—and the poor handling of mistakes is a common cause of bad feelings. Lighten up! It’s best not to blame and, if you’re the culprit, do not apologize excessively. Dance right through mistakes. In fact, recovering from a mistake is a critical skill every advanced dancer knows. Mistakes can even be fun and produce interesting results—add a smile and it may look like you were improvising a new move.

9) Watch great dancers. By watching great dancers you develop a sense of the possibilities, you begin to define your personal style and you create an image in your mind of where you want to go. Like salivating at the thought of food––like Pavlov’s dogs––a mental thought can affect us physically: by observing and saturating your psyche with great dancing, you’ll program your subconscious mind and prep your body for a better performance. It’s a good activity when sitting out a dance. Ironically, when I got hooked on becoming a better dancer, I stopped gazing at the women and started studying the men—to steal moves.

10) Learn manners. Yeah, I only had nine tips so this is filler, but it’s good filler… Manners, etiquette, common courtesies, the whole shebang. Be a gentle, polite dancer so you’ll have lots of partners. You’re allowed to be a little klutzy, not rude. And check your attitude: it’s best to be warm and friendly with all eye contact, to treat everyone with respect. Watch that ego does not exceed ability—this can wear thin on others and it’s hard to dance with someone when he lacks sensitivity to his partner. Think: less is more.

Finally, always dance for fun. I stressed excessively about becoming a great dancer. I had the unhealthy attitude that I didn’t want to dance and embarrass myself until I was a great dancer, an utterly destructive Catch-22: I wouldn’t dance until I was good, but I couldn’t get good until I danced. I now realize that there aren’t a lot of Rudolph Valentino’s out there—hardly any—and most women are impressed with just a gentle, adequate dancer. Once again, find fulfillment in the journey and do not fixate on the goal. To paraphrase an old Zen saying: With one eye so firmly planted on your goal, you’ll only have one eye left to lead the way.

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