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Thursday, June 1, 2006
Blast from the Past
 
As first officer of the Star Trek Fan club, you meet a variety of people from all walks of life, brought together by a lack of social skills, an inability to attract members of the opposite sex, and an undying love for Star Trek. Below are actual minutes taken from meetings of the University of Arkansas Start Trek Fan club. Enjoy. December 3rd, 2001 Raymond ranted for thirty minutes about ships. Back off man, he’s an engineer. Katie aka Girl went a whole 5 minutes without mentioning movie trailers. Jesus, I was joking. By the end of the meeting she did mention it. Christ almighty. Ship name ideas: Multivector ship: class unknown (ask Raymond) USS Razorstar NCC-62434 Descartes Old Main Caraway Tiberius Taikai Northwest Arkansas Hitler Joe Blow Bin Laden Adi Adi Adi ALLAH!!!! Pol Pot Stalin Charlton Heston Lucifier People like Raymond, the little boy and his mother, Girl and the new guy want to help with the commercial. Selling to area business. Volunteers include Ray and the new guy. Quarter page ad for $10. OR $30 for full page. Times 2 if they want it in color. Ten dollar dues next meeting $50 for admiral pass with free STCCG card General admission-$15 Just the dinner theater--$25 STCCG game-$5-$7.50 MOVIE TO SHOW: FIRST CONTACT, DIRECTOR CUT OF ST1, WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S II, Tremors, Tremors 3: Back to Perfection, Phantom Menace, voted on First Contact, Episode I I pity us, each and every one of us. Presigned goal, 100 people. New year’s resolution: win the lottery and get laid. Must hit up Eureka Springs, there is a klingon club there. Eureka Springs is the Kronos of Arkansas. Raymond volunteers to gather contact information. St engineers disappeared. Last seen dreaming unobtainable dreams. MAYBE DO A UATV SPECIAL. RAYMOND LIKES. Do Computer gaming again. Where’s Lucas? Where’s Waldo? WHO GIVES A SHIT? Vintage stock teach STCCG. Girl’s paternal unit has entire collection of STTNG collector coins. WHOOPIE. Local authors, tailors? Are you kidding? Give Chad the web page passwords. March 6th, 2002 Contact Sougoura Anime Katie is fanatical about those goddamn trailers. She’s been working with Subway about the trailers. Subway shaved. Still looks like shit. Raymond insists that you change the U of A emblem on the poster. This may confuse all other U of A system students, like those at the University of Arkansas School for the Mind Numbingly Stupid and Mentally and Physically Retarded. Girl has been working with Subway about the trailers. Subway is still pissed about how this club is run. He blames you, you incompetent twit. Fucking shit, he graduated from S.U. god damn it, he knows the score!!! Katie is working on the trailers. Raymond is coming by your house tomorrow…and the next day…and the next day…I pity you. Raymond has many ads sold. He’s as slick a salesman as a Saharan Arab. Katie is working on the trailers. She has downloaded the trailers. She has been working with Robert. Don’t hire professionals to take pictures. If you’re going to do that, why don’t we keep our customers warm by starting a bonfire in the middle of the ballroom kindled with ten-dollar bills? Take pictures and sell them at the convention. Star Trek geeks will get gooey in their pants if they get a signed picture of themselves with Picardo and Big Tits. Katie’s been working on the trailers. She ruined a nice big pair of panties downloading them. Raymond says the stars must pay taxes on their signatures. This dumb fucker doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground. Raymond really wants to come over to your house. You lucky dog. Don’t you dare tell him where I live! Subway loves his new computer. Katie is working on the trailers so everybody just cool out, COOL OUT! Subways talking to Brinkley (bitching about you no doubt), Rock Bottom, etc… He also went to the USS Celt to sell tickets. These are the people who want tickets: 1. Brian Roberts 443-2280. Larryhog @aol 2. Larry Roberts same number as above 3. R. Harper 827-7201 USS CELTS are volunteering for the convention. He will bring a list. Subway will email the list of bodies. Katie going to tell the leader of her anime club your email address. She will contact you shortly. Did I mention she has been working on the trailers? She is almost as dumb as Raymond. Raymond wants to make a shirt. Please let Raymond make a shirt. He wants a shirt. He made the shirt. He made the ship. It’s Echilla class (Achilles class to the literate). Katie has been working on the trailer FOR THE LOVE OF SHIT. Subway wants to work on the auction. HE IS FUCKING PISSED. Robert: “Fuck you!” He was talking to you. You better watch your back. You better let him do the auction. I’m not kidding. I think he is crazy. I repeat, I AM NOT KIDDING. Chris showed up. He wants you to stop and plug the convention at Shorty Small’s Saturday at 7 pm. SO HELP ME GOD Katie is working on the trailers!!!! Robert is pissed. He’s going to go Son of Sam on your ass. He’s going to stab you with a Subway sandwich knife and fill a large soda cup with your blood. Then he is going to make 15 foot-long sandwiches with your entrails. Rest easy, Girl is working on the trailers. Subway is giving you the evil eye from across the table. You are dead sandwich meat. My god, my dear sweet god! Look at this menagerie of “humans” in front of us. God has a sick sense of humor…and I ain’t laughing. March 28th, 2002 Cast of Characters: Raymond--a fucking simpleton Katie--a trailer obsessed embarrassment. Robert--a psychopath that just happens to work at Subway. Raymond: “I have done some more ads, Blimpie’s got their ad. Right now I have a total of 4 paid for. I got 50 dollar, Hooters give a hundred bucks, chuckie cheese, noodles gave gift cards. I need to get a hold of Becky at FAT TONY’S. Simple Simon…I don’t know if they are going to call me back. Nationwide, I’m makin’ an ad for them. US pizza (home of Spring “lesbian” Woods) I gonna make one of them. On back page, auction info on back page of the pamphlet thing, so those businesses can get credit. New star trek games, enough to cream your jeans about I promise you. It is a coming this Christmas. I want to put them in the program. (Aside: this is fucking ridiculous! This program will be a fucking 35-page book, for the love of Christ!) In conclusion, I am as dumb as a fucking stump.” Robert: Do you want me to take care of the Vintage Stock Ad? Ben: No, I’ll do it. Robert: Okay, All right. (muttering) Go fuck yourself you self-righteous son of a bitch! Ben: What else do we need to talk about? Robert: Brinkley’s wants an ad. Ben: Good. Robert: Also, another card shop… (pause) Wait, I would like to say something to you, Barney or whatever your name is. I hate your guts you worthless, inefficient bag of horse dung. You disgust me more than my hair disgust you. You make me want to lose my lunch (a 12 inch cold cut trio). You fucking uppity prick. You Jesus humping sack of piss. (long pause). Goddamn it to shit. Ben: Okay, Katie, what is your news? Katie: Well, surprise, sur-fucking-prise. We need to talk about the god-forsaken trailers. My email address is kfitch@uark,.edu. I love these fucking trailers. Ben: Chris, what’s new? Chris: We had a hell of a good time at Shorty Small’s. I partied like a klingon after 15 pints of blood wine. You know what I am saying. Raymond: I need two people. 1 for camera booth camera filmer person, 2 people on the floor for the auction. One auctioneer and one runner. Katie: Five people, one at the door, 1 for the trailers and bloopers, 3 for costume contest. Robert: 3 Chad: 6 total, 3 security, etc… 9 humans, klingons, etc..needed. Comics and stuff in Rogers, he wants us to bring our auction stuff. 26 tables all together. Chad has them. Webpage updated, banner fixed. Give it to Donnena. Put it on football overpass. Fucking shit, the show is about to start. Commence ejaculating and cooing over oneself like some sub creature (Girl)