Sex: Want it or not?

Azza:
Welcome back! Thanks for taking the time to check in....Girl, you seem to be getting it real good - lucky you! But then since they have to pass the test with you, I am sure that they are open-minded, ego aside, and quick to learn and please. I enjoyed reading your comments and your detailed descriptions....I have to say you are very open about sharing some thoughts on your sexual experiences with the men, and I am sure that the women out there are excited....thinking to themselves, “Uh huh, I’d love to meet a man who knows how to please a woman like that!” Your comments have inspired me to write about sex, or the lack of sex which is sadly the case for many women, today.

I talk about sex a lot with my girlfriends and not wanting sex seems to be rampant between many of them....I seem to be one of the only ones out of many getting it good, so many look to me for advice. However, I really don’t want to talk about my sex life on line; that isn’t the point of this blog. The reason I am bringing it up is out of concern of my many girlfriends who tell me that they are no longer interested in sex at all. In fact on Oprah a year or so ago, statistics showed that 40 million women in the United States no longer want to have sex! They simply never think about it, don’t desire it, and some are even repulsed by it. I find this shocking and very sad and it seems to be a growing epidemic.

I always ask “Why not?” and the answers I get are varied. Some women find that after they have kids, they no longer have the desire; they feel a strong mother energy take over, and they have somehow lost the sexual woman that they used to be. I don’t have kids so I can’t relate to this, but I have heard many women say this. Some women are just so tired from work and caring for the family that they just don’t have the energy to “do it” - this one I hear the most. Some women say that their husbands are very loving but that they still don’t want it. Some women say that they just don’t have any interest; never think about it! How can you not think about having sex at all? Yes, I can vouch that there have been times when I am not in the mood...but to not ever want it...ever? I can’t imagine; I don’t want to imagine.

However, I can’t help but think that the men have something to do with it, and my women friends just aren’t coughing it up when we are blabbing. Women can not be the only issue here - this I know. But many of my girlfriends put most of the blame on themselves and very little on their man or at least that is how they express it. Yes, they may complain a little and say that he is not as romantic as he used to be or that he is rushed and there isn’t much foreplay, but some don’t see that that could be one very good reason that they are not interested in sex anymore. When I bring that point up, some women just shrug and say, “It doesn’t really matter. It’s not like I want to have sex with another man I just don’t want to have sex, period.” Unfortunately the conversation kind of dead ends there. I always sympathetically throw out...”Well, you know if you don’t use it, you’ll loose it; you know the desire, it will disappear. It is a muscle you know. The more you have sex the more you want it. You just need to get into the habit of doing it again; making the time for it. Your marriage and the sexual connection with your husband is more important than anything - When was the last time you both took a weekend off just to be alone with each other - you know no kids, no work, just the two of you?” They all look at me like it is just too much work. But I know they know that this is not good; this is not right. But it is how they feel. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t have much more to say unless I get real honest. Maybe this is my venue to do so...

...Frankly, I think their husbands need a lesson or two on the art of making love, sex, fucking, whatever you want to call it. From your comments Azza it seems that the men you are working with have mastered it. I wish that earth men had as much experience as the men up there seem to have, but unfortunately it is very different for many men down here. I don’t think that many men have really mastered the art and I think it is showing up in the lives of many of my girlfriends and the 40 million women who no longer want sex. I am not saying that all of the men are at fault 100 percent or that I do not think the women play a role here. It is definitely a dance between both parties and communication is key. Men could probably use a little training but unfortunately not many men would admit that they could use some help, not to mention how advice would weigh on their egos. And women could probably verbalize their wants and needs more and exercise a bit more patience, but maybe they have and the men aren’t listening. I really don’t know, but again, I think clear communication is a step in the right direction as well as some alone time.

Still, because it is the woman who is giving up on having sex, and not the man; it is the woman that is being turned off to it, not the man...I can’t help but think that these men...well... to be blunt, that these men just don’t know how to fuck, that they don’t know how to satisfy their woman. I mean if you were getting your needs met; satisfied sexually would you no longer want sex? I don’t think so. Could I be wrong? Could it be that simple? Maybe for some and not others. Women, blog me if you really feel that way about your man. I’ll understand if you answer anonymously. I think that other women would benefit knowing that there are other women feeling the same way, and maybe it will inspire action. Men, how do you feel? Do you know what turns your woman on? Are you doing everything you can to make it a pleasurable experience for her or are you more concerned about your orgasm and hoping she’ll get off too? Or is it something else? I would understand if you answered anonymously also.

The sex forum is now open.....blog me.

Lastly, Azza, T. : Thank you both for your comments on yesterday’s blog. I was not expecting the praise but it sure made me smile.

Zmiv: You know, I have had a magazine tear out featuring this exact product from Sharper Image, in my file of “things that I want” for a long time. Thanks for the reminder and the confirmation that this is a good product. I’m going to check out the website you listed - thanks!

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Sunday, December 30, 2007

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