What’s up with the name Mayberry Magpie?
Okay, my town technically has another name, but it really is Mayberry. My town is in middle America (Oklahoma to be exact); it’s small (plus or minus 3,500); our streets are paved in red brick (very charming); we like to sit on our porches and wave at passersby (very neighborly); and my town is full of quirky, memorable characters like “Mother-F$#ker Man” and “Shakey Shenanigans.” (I’ll tell you about both of them someday, I promise!)
When I was 19 I traveled to New York City to visit a relative. While there, I had dinner with some relatives-by-marriage in a Brooklyn high-rise and they couldn’t stop asking me to describe my town in detail. For an hour, they peppered me with questions such as “Are there Indians in your town?” (Yes, but they mostly look like me and there’s not a tomahawk to be found) and “Do people ride horses?” (Yes, but primarily at rodeos and not to the grocery store or school). Finally, after hearing all the details of my quite ordinary life, they concluded I lived in Mayberry.
Told you.
As for the Magpie part, well, once you get to know me, you’ll realize it’s the perfect nickname. Like me, magpies are acquisitive creatures that horde food and are drawn to shiny objects.
Also, magpies are a member of the crow family. In high school, a group of punk older boys nicknamed me “Crow.” As if spreading this cruel name wasn’t humiliating enough for a tall girl with skinny legs and a big nose, their favorite activity was to “Caw” loudly at me while I cheered in pep assemblies.
I’m over it. Really.
What’s your real name?
My real name is Joan-Marie. I’m named after my two grandmothers, one of whom moved to Mayberry in a covered wagon not long after statehood.
Have you always lived in Mayberry?
Nope. I lived in one of our state’s biggest cities until the age of 10. My family moved here the summer before 5th grade and I stayed in Mayberry until age 19 when I went to college. I lived elsewhere for 25 years, including a two-year stint in Boston where I became an avowed liberal. I moved back to Mayberry about a year ago.
Why did you move back?
Are you kidding? Wouldn’t you? It’s Mayberry.
Are you married? Do you have kids?
Yes to both. I’ve been married 16 years. I have two kids – a 15-year-old daughter named Kate and an 12-year-old son named Parker. I’m one of three women in my family with a two-name first name, although mine is the only one that is hyphenated. I wanted to call my daughter Kate Elaine to keep the tradition alive, but it just never stuck. My husband has privacy issues so he’ll be known here as Mr. Mom, a handy label that refers to his stay-at-home status.
Do you have a day job?
Doesn’t everybody?
Does it suck to be a liberal in Mayberry?
Believe it or not, more than a few enlightened souls live in Mayberry. But it’s probably a good idea to avoid topics like abortion, gay marriage, and why W is a total dick-head at the donut shop and bait store. Actually, it’s probably a good idea to avoid these topics in all polite conversation. If you want political dialogue (or partisan ranting), there’s plenty of other stops in the blogosphere besides Mayberry Magpie with content more to your liking.
Is everything you write about true?
Of course! Real life is way too interesting to make this stuff up. It’s why I don’t read fiction. Who needs made-up entertainment when there’s a big, bulging world full of crazy, fascinating, inexplicable, infuriating, mysterious, inspiring, hilarious folks right down the street? Did I mention “Mother-F$#ker Man?”
