... only to discover that there exists a parallel universe of home (and ethnic) cooking in the frozen food section of just about any market anywhere,the likes of which simply didn’t exist in the last century.


I mean, frozen ham and cheese sandwiches? The box says “hot and melty in 60 seconds”.

That would, of course, require a microwave (see previous entry) and I don’t eat meat, so not on my watch.


I mean, corner bistro panini? Is there a bistro at your corner?

Non? Dommage! ...but there might be a freezer lurking about in some corner... because, as the copy says” “every dinner should feel this good”. (note the emphasis on feel, not taste)


Paella? No worries: “great taste in 10 minutes or less”. The ingredient list is giving me a headache.


Quesadillas? “just 200 smart calories” ... because we know there are stupid calories out there.


Curried chicken and noodles? “Meals in minutes” are on the menu, and with this product, you don’t even have to supply the chicken.


And FYI, frozen veggie lasagna at one of ‘the world’s largest retailers of natural and organic foods’ (I did not make this line up) is lovingly priced at $36.99 (ok, it’s a large one) while its meaty counterpart comes in at $45.99. Hmmmmm-  it kind of puts a whole new spin on the idea of picking something up on the way home from work or getting something “in a pinch”, doesn’t it?


And one more thing. I came across a magazine ad that told the reader she could perform miracles in the kitchen (note: the name of the product - please don’t sue me! is Contessa)... and said miracle is, naturally, “available in your grocer’s freezer”. Yes, I am talking to you, female reader, shopper, consumer, cook, stereotype...


and all this is just the tip of the ice... no, I won’t say it!