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For The Record... This Week’s Picks

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 08:35:40 -0800

The Thanksgiving Holiday wrecked everything from a writing standpoint, but you Twitter folks know I went 3-0 on Thanksgiving. You save all my tweets, right?

So let’s get the rest of the picks onto the actual record before kickoff

JAGS OVER NINERS
*Niner fans, this looks like “the season you found the pieces” , as opposed to “the season you put together some miracle to run to sneak into the playoffs”

FALCONS OVER BUCS
*As a general rule I like to pick against teams that fire their Offensive AND Defensive coordinators in the same season. Unless they’re the Niners, in which case that might be a decent idea. Hey-O!

BENGALS OVER BROWNS
*This doesn’t need a comment. Not when Ochocinco’s sitting up there in a snuggie. (pic via Deadspin)

SEAHAWKS OVER RAMS
*Kyle Boller gets the start for the Rams. Let’s hope he selects his receivers better than he selects his women. Carrie Prejean? Yikes!

PANTHERS OVER JETS
*It’s a battle of team-killing QB’s! I trust Jake Delhomme more than Mark Sanchez, which means it may be time for Sanchez to start re-evaluating things

COLTS OVER TEXANS
*I’m done picking against Peyton Manning which means it’s the week he’s gonna lose just to screw me

CHARGERS OVER CHIEFS
*Uh-oh, Chris Chambers revenge game!. Hell hath no fury like a tiny receiver with bad hands scorned.

EAGLES OVER THE REDSKINS
*Some weeks the Eagles just come out a lay and egg. I t don’t think this will be one

CARDINALS OVER TITANS
*I’m enjoying this Vince Young run too, but nothing lasts forever in the National Football League, except announcers saying “National Football League” for no real reason.

VIKINGS OVER BEARS
*Brett Favre is like a kid out there. A kid with an awesome defense and the world’s greatest running back to make him look good, but whatever

RAVENS OVER STEELERS
*The nice thing about writing your picks 30 minutes before kickoff is that you get to know when teams are starting their super-skinny 3rd string QB. Yay, me!

PATRIOTS OVER SAINTS
*Just not going against Belichick with something to prove

Friday Football Picks

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:52:55 -0800

It’s always nice to start the week off in the hole, right? I picked Carolina last night, which was clearly a grave, grave mistake. Can you imagine depending on Jake Delhomme every single week? I’m surprised the murder rate hasn’t gone up in Charlotte this year.

But I’m not worried about it too much. We live in a world where Jack Del Rio is making shrewd strategic decisions and Bill Belichick is making dumb ones. NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING! THERE ARE NO RULES!

Unless of course, Andy Reid successfully manages a 2 minute drive. Then we have reached the end of the Mayan calendar. On to the picks...

PACKERS OVER NINERS
*Remember the last big game The Niners won on the road? It was week one. Something to chew on as the Guy You Could Have Had takes on the Guy You Actually Got

BENGALS OVER RAIDERS
*Bruce Gradkowski threw 2 interceptions in 9 passes last week. He is starting over the team’s #1 draft pick. Pretty much everyone agrees this is the right thing. This is Raider Football.

RAVENS OVER COLTS
*Picking against the undefeated Colts is bold. Picking against them 2 weeks in a row is reckless. Picking against them 3 weeks in a row is idiocy. And I am that idiot. NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING!

STEELERS OVER CHIEFS (Suicide pick)
*Steelers are my suicide pick. For those of you not familiar, a suicide pool is where you pick only game per week and if you get that game wrong, you’re out. But have you seen Chiefs coach Todd Haley on the sidelines?

I think there’s a decent chance this game could actually cause him to commit suicide. This would probably make me feel bad about this week’s choice

VIKINGS OVER SEAHAWKS
*Minnesota extended Brad Childress’s contract this week, does this make him the most successful creepy-bearded guy ever?

GIANTS OVER FALCONS (sigh)
*The Giants have lost 4 in a row, but somehow every trend in this game favors them. The Falcons have been bad on the road, the Giants are home and coming off a bye. The Falcons are banged up on both sides of the ball, The Giants practiced all 53 of their guys for the 1st time this year. The Falcons only hope is that Eli has one of those meltdown games...it’s really the one thing keeping me from a Sunday night bender.

LIONS OVER BROWNS
*I watched Monday Night, I’m not picking Cleveland, and I’m leaving it at that.

COWBOYS OVER REDSKINS
*Remember when people cared about this game?

SAINTS OVER BUCS
*Did you happen to catch that documentary on Jimmy The Greek on ESPN? Fascinating story. Back in the day, when there was one 30 minute pregame show (seems insane I know), Jimmy used to make picks for gamblers, but the NFL wouldn’t let him talk about point spreads. So he used to have little codephrases. So in honor of Jimmy, I’ll call this one “closer than the experts think”.

JAGUARS OVER BILLS
*Congrats to Buffalo for firing their coach and being the first to wave the white flag on the 2009 season. Beating Cleveland and Oakland is quite an accomplishment.

CARDINALS OVER RAMS
*Cards have been great on the road this year, and The Rams have been... The Rams

CHARGERS OVER BRONCOS
*Not sure the Broncos can win without a healthy Kyle Orton. I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence.

PATRIOTS OVER JETS
*I think the Pats get right back to coldly taking out teams they should beat, but of course NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING, THERE ARE NO RULES!

EAGLES OVER BEARS
Why is this game on Sunday night? I don’t even think these teams’ fanbases like them.

TITANS OVER TEXANS
*Tennessee can’t win 10 in a row? Why not? THERE ARE NO RULES!

Last week: 10-5

Season: 87-51

Suicide Pool: still kickin’. New Orleans, Baltimore, Washington, Green Bay, Chicago, Philly, Jacksonville, Indy, Atlanta, Pittsburgh, and San Diego have been used

Friday Football Picks

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:37:28 -0800

Hey look, you guys, picks are a day early! That’s cause we have a Thursday night game this week. Now, I’ve heard some people who are actually upset about this! They say things like “It’s too early in the year” or “Now I have to give up another night to football”. Seriously, what kind of talk is that?

Who would be against some sort of football every night of the week? Have you seen what’s on TV lately? You’re choosing between the f’n Country Music Awards and “I Love Some Reality Show Whore I’ve Never Heard Of” on Vh-1. How could you not welcome the sweet release of football in the middle of that?

You know, reading that last paragraph, I’m starting to understand why I’m now single. Maybe we should just move onto the picks...

NINERS OVER BEARS
*Tough game to call, as the loser would need a miracle to get back in the playoff race. In fact, the ticker on ESPN just described this as “a matchup of two struggling the teams”. Man, when the ticker takes a shot at you, you know your season is on the brink. But the Bears are banged up, and the Niners are at home, so I’m hanging with them. Of course that’s not gonna provide a lot of comfort when I’m watching Alex Smith throw it to the other team repeatedly.

COWBOYS OVER PACKERS
*Look, I like Aaron Rogers, and I think he’s good, but at some point, he has to actually start winning some games, right?

TITANS OVER BILLS
*You realize that the Bills are about to go the entire decade without making the playoffs? And unlike say, the Lions or Raiders, they’ve actually been trying. Which makes it even sadder when you think about it

CHIEFS OVER RAIDERS
*’Cause that’s what the coin I flipped told me to say.

SAINTS OVER RAMS (sucide pick)
*Lamb...meet slaughter

DOLPHINS OVER BUCS
*It’s gonna be an interesting battle between Miami and Tennessee for “best crappy team” down the stretch. Good luck with that, fellas

VIKINGS OVER LIONS
*Getting the Lions at home after your bye week? Doesn’t seem fair does it?

JAGS OVER JETS
*Just seems like the kind of dumb game the Jets manage to lose at least once every year

CARDS OVER SEAHAWKS
*If the Niners lose and Arizona wins, I propose we give the Cards their playoff spot and give the rest of the division the season off.

STEELERS OVER BENGALS
*Maybe it’s the lack of Woody and Ravey in my life, but it seems like Pittsburgh’s going about it’s business rather quietly this year.

CHARGERS OVER EAGLES
*Gotta go with Norv when he may not actually be the dumbest coach on the field

BRONCOS OVER REDSKINS
*I watched an entire Redskins game for the first and last time last week. Man that team is a trail of tears

FALCONS OVER PANTHERS
*My coach can beat up your coach...and players

PATRIOTS OVER COLTS
Picking against the Colts 2 weeks in a row? Foolish! Picking against Manning at night? Foolish! But I think the Pats need this game more and the Colts secondary can be had. Or I’m an idiot. Either way, gimme New England

RAVENS OVER BROWNS
*Yikes. I’m not even sure I’ve seen ESPN run promos for this game. Even they don’t want it to happen.

Last week: 7-6

Season: 77-46

Suicide Pool: still kickin’. New Orleans, Baltimore, Washington, Green Bay, Chicago, Philly, Jacksonville, Indy, Atlanta, and San Diego have been used

Friday Football Picks

Fri, 6 Nov 2009 13:27:31 -0800

Yes, it’s true, I no longer have a giant corporate website to spout football picks on, but that doesn’t mean I’m not watching football and running my mouth every week. So you can look for picks here, while I look for a permanent home for them. And of course, it figures the week my blog goes dark is the week AFTER I go 10-3. I want my bragging rights dammit!

This week’s NFL darling is the New Orleans Saints. The Saints hadn’t even finished beating the Falcons yet before the football world was wondering aloud if they can go undefeated. It’s true, there are only 3 tough looking games left on their schedule (Patriots, Cowboys at Falcons), but they will trip up somewhere. It’s a 16 game season, guys get hurt, teams lay eggs, opponenents catch fire. Hell, if Ted Ginn didn’t catch like a double amputee, they probably would have lost already. Mark my words, you will see that thingy on Drew Brees’s face disappear before you see the Saints go undefeated.

On to the picks...

49ERS OVER TITANS
*It’s gut check time, Niner fans. The Cardinals aren’t just gonna hand you the division. If you pride yourself on stopping the run and being physical, and you can’t beat a team with a QB who can’t throw, it might just be time to see what Mel Kiper Jr has to say about this year’s QB crop. And let’s face it, no one wants to have to pay attention to Mel Kiper Jr.

BYE OVER RAIDERS
*Sorry...it was just too easy

RAVENS OVER BENGALS
*Ray Lewis + Revenge = giddy up!

PACKERS OVER BUCCANEERS
*Frankly, whether the Bucs can go winless is a much more interesting discussion than whether The Saints or Colts can go undefeated

CARDINALS OVER BEARS
*Good luck figuring either of these teams out, never mind who might win this game. If you’re gambling on this, it might be time to start thinking about finding a meeting.

JAGS OVER CHIEFS
*Looks like one of Jacksonville’s semi-regular attempts to suck you into thinking they’re a sleeper. Ps....they’re not

PATRIOTS OVER DOLPHINS
*This is a game Miami has to have, which means they better break out every wildcat gimmick they’ve been saving. Rumor has it, they sent Ricky Williams to his room with a bong, bag of funyons, and a playbook, and told him to come up with a few “innovations”.

TEXANS OVER COLTS
*Did I not just establish that everyone was gonna lose a few paragraphs ago? BTW, a win would get the Texans to 6-3, which would set up an inevitable but hilarious 2nd half collapse to get them back to the 8-8 record they always wind up with.

FALCONS OVER REDSKINS (nervous suicide pick)
*As a Falcon fan, I’m a little scared of this game. Atlanta is banged up and playing on short rest, while the Redskins are coming off a bye. But Atlanta doesn’t usually mess around with bad teams, and the Redskins don’t usually mess around with the end zone, so there you go.

SAINTS OVER PANTHERS
*Did you know Carolina has won 7 straight in Louisiana? Did you know they appear to remember how to run the ball? Did you know that Jake Delhomme hasn’t totally killed his team in at least 3 weeks? All good things to have in your corner in a spot like this. Saints are a better team and may prevail, but 14.5 points looks tasty to me if you can get it.

SEAHAWKS OVER LIONS
*Enjoy the Lions, Matt Hasselbeck, they’re good for what ails you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a full head of hair by the end of this one

GIANTS OVER CHARGERS
*Here’s a game that both teams need. You can run on the Charger, you can throw on the Giants. So I’m gonna take the team that’s at home and not saddled by Norv Turner.

EAGLES OVER COWBOYS
*Dallas looks like that team that everybody likes a little too much right now

STEELERS OVER BRONCOS
*Steeler safety Ryan Clark has a blood disease that is affected by altitude. Last time he played in Denver, he lost his gall bladder and spleen! As I write this we have no idea if he will play on Monday night. Wow. If this were a movie, he’d play, and his heart would explode while trying to run back a game winning pick 6. But it’s real life, which means he’ll probably play and ESPN will just beat the story into the ground for 3 and a half hours. Yay.

Last week: 10-3!

Season: 70-40

Suicide pool: still here. Baltimore, Washington, Green Bay, Chicago, Philly, Jacksonville, Indy, Atlanta, and San Diego have been used

My 5 Favorite Things About The Spitzer Scandal

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:10:47 -0700

According to the affidavit, he like to do “some things you might not consider safe”. What could those things entail? Choking? Ball Gags? A Trapeze Act? Thinking about it is really quite the parlor game.

He used his friend’s name for the service and the hotel. Would you do this to your friend? What’s their next conversation going to be like?

He had a credit with call girl service. Because you never know when you might be up for some dangerous hooker lovin’, but a little short on cash at the same time.

He busted two different prostitution rings while Attorney General of New York. He also helped pass one of the toughest prostitution laws in the country. If this had happened 15 years earlier, Alanis Morissette could have written it into song.

Every time you watch a show like The Wire, and you see a politician do something dumb, and think “Nah, that’s too crazy”, something like this comes along.

Elliot Spitzer’s not the first, and he certainly won’t be the last, but it’s just not that often that a man is exposed as a hypocrite this spectacularly. And after watching this guy exploit the radio and record business, I’m going to relish the comeuppance.