About my blog

Let’s Get Real

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 11:28:47 -0400

What good is writing if you’re not being completely honest? When I was in second grade, I used to write in my daily journal complete and utter lies. ‘I can’t wait to get glasses!’ ‘Next week, I’m going camping.’ If you knew my family, you’d know we would never survive overnight in a tent. Lying to your own journal is pretty amusing when you’re in second grade. Now, in this age of blogging, it’s hard sometimes to decipher where the line is between being really vague and over-sharing.

Since I’m not sitting here penning a fiction novel, I want to be real. Blogging doesn’t have a lot of rules, so when I’m writing, I want to write about what’s going on in my life, but at the same time- this stuff is going to be out there for anyone to read. I think that’s where I’ve been thinking about it all wrong. Because anyone can read it, I’m opening myself up to be judged. The thing I’m forgetting is that I’m also able to reach a lot of people, and maybe even be of help to someone in need.

It’s a rainy, dreary Tuesday (my least favorite day of the week), and I feel inspired to write this because it’s a topic I’m fairly passionate about, seeing as it’s effected my own life in such a surprising way. This Tuesday brings out the worst in me. The big, ugly “d” word. Depression.

Depression is a word that is probably one of the more greatly overused and misunderstood in American society. Anyone can feel depressed for a day or two, but when you’re 22 years old, and everything in your life rocks, but you still have trouble getting out of bed in the morning- there’s a really good chance you’re officially and clinically depressed. I have been living with this condition for almost 2 years now, and it has been really hard. Half the battle is in dealing with the fact that this might be something I’m going to have to deal with all my life because (perhaps) it’s something that is genetically a part of me. The good part is, I know how I want to deal with it and how I don’t, and I know now that I want to talk more about it. There are so many other people out there my age that are going through the same thing, and it’s important for them to see, they’re not alone.

Now that I’ve broken the ice, I probably will be talking more about this later in time. Most importantly for me, writing about it has helped me break free of those initial feelings of sadness, and hopefully get on with my day in a better light!

The Wonderful World of 24

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:14:56 -0400

I enjoyed a complete and enjoyable birthday weekend. This was the first year in ages that my birthday happened to fall on the weekend (ironically, when it didn’t really matter), so I experienced the pros and cons of that. Obviously, more people have the potential to make the celebration since most people have off on the weekend. What I didn’t think about was all the weddings, vacations, festivals, and other events that would steal friends and family away from celebrating ME! It worked out though, and I had a wonderful time with everyone that could make it. My guy sent me beautiful flowers and a new digital camera- plus multiple calls from Italy that really made my day complete. I’m a very lucky 24 year old :)

Now it’s back to ordinary time. (Being raised Catholic, I always thought it was funny that every day that wasn’t near Christmas or Easter was called “Second Sunday in Ordinary Time” or something like that.) So ordinary time in my life means getting up, working out, and really starting to push the issues of writing and learning Italian. I really enjoy being able to plan my day, be flexible, do exactly what I want, or nothing at all if I choose. I just need to feel like I’m getting more done. It’s hard when I feel like I have to be around the house to talk to my boyfriend online or be home to make something for dinner. I really need to get out of the house to do work. Find a public “office” of sorts. Maybe the library, maybe a coffee shop? Whatever it is, I still am really grateful to have the freedom to sit here, eat cherries and think about it.

The World I Know

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:10:12 -0400

I don’t care who you are, how old you are, what you believe in, or where you come from. There are some things in life that can take your breath away. Sure, there are always the unexpected experiences of how you feel when walking up next to the Colosseum in Rome, seeing a newborn for the first time, or meeting a celebrity by happenstance. The things that have really taken me by surprise lately are the things that many of us pass on a daily basis, taking for granted the amazing things that surround us, as small as they may seem.

The sunshine has become my new goddess. Every time Buffalo is blessed with a cloudless day, I can’t get over the way I feel just taking a moment to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin and face. Then, I all of a sudden take notice of the breeze, how it moves the trees and the flowers. It’s crazy that there are so many little miracles everywhere, and what’s even crazier is how most of the time, we take them for granted.

I don’t mean to sound like a tree-hugger or anything, but I am grateful that I can go from a mediocre-bordering-not-so-happy-day to a day where everything stands out to me and I’m so happy to have the opportunity to take it all in. I’m kind of in a place right now where I’m obsessed with just being, and taking each moment in- breathing it, feeling it, smelling it, tasting it- and being grateful that I’m in the right here, right now.

Go ahead- try it. Just for 5 minutes of your busy day. Just Breathe.

The Luck of the Draw

Mon, 7 Jul 2008 10:31:05 -0400

Have you ever found yourself in a situation that seemed too good to be true? Well, I was always taught to believe, “if something seems too good to be true, it usually is”. Thank you Mom. So what is someone to do when a perfectly sweet situation rolls around, and there are no flaws and no small print? Personally, I have a hard time embracing it.

Over the past 2.5 months of my life, changes have come pretty swiftly. Some changes I knew were for the best, still some of them still left me feeling pretty insecure about the future. I remember what was just about a week or so before I got laid off, I was commiserating with a friend of mine about being so unhappy at my job. We were brainstorming ways to get through it while possibly paving a new road for myself; the road to fulfillment. It seemed so impossible, but she encouraged me to think about what I would do if somehow, someway, I could leave my job and be able to focus on the things I really loved doing. I felt a small surge of possibility, and just a little while later, I was out of that unhappy job situation and given the time I needed to recharge, and really figure things out.

Being unemployed can be a scary thing, I’m not going to lie. I think I let the fear overcome me- for all those days I’d wished so badly to just have an extra hour of time to do things I felt were worthwhile, all of a sudden, I had it and it was overwhelming. I had a lot of trouble making the most of that time because I was scared, and at the same time, felt guilty that my wish (in a way,) had come true!

Last night something was revealed to me that made me feel like this is really what I’m supposed to be doing at this point in time. It was a little sign from the Universe saying, “It’s okay, you are safe, now go do what you love, and enjoy every minute of it”. The fear went away, and I’m now just feeling extremely hopeful, lucky, and blessed. :) It’s really nice to have one of these assuring moments, now and then.

Let’s Not Raise a Glass to Independence

Fri, 4 Jul 2008 12:14:17 -0400

Somehow the best summer holiday for me has become the 3rd of July. It started last year, when I stumbled upon a town celebration (beer tent). Much to my surprise (horror), everywhere I turned stood someone from my high school (that I didn’t ever intend to see again). I felt a weird sense of awkwardness and discomfort being around these people- many who seemed to be stuck in the very same place they were the year we graduated; no where. I, by no means that far along in the road of life, felt like Oprah or something, having seen other continents, graduated from college and acquired jobs in my supposed field. It made me embarrassed for this little town, for the people that stayed the same and would always be at this beer tent, every 3rd of July, with the same people, talking about the same things. I just about ran out of there before the best cover band in Buffalo could finish their rendition of “Free Bird”.

I braced myself going into the 3rd of July this year with a new plan: the giant plastic beer pitcher. Arriving pre-buzzed from dinner and drinks with a friend, I jumped right into the festivities and refreshments and found myself feeling rather joyous. Everywhere I turned there was someone waiting to be hugged, half kissed on the cheek or waved to. I rather enjoyed it. Nothing beats throwing an arm around someone you never really spoke to in high school while screaming “WHOAAAAAAA! LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER!” Everyone’s your friend during a Bon Jovi song, because let’s face it, we’re all in this crazy ass world together. No matter where we are in our lives or where we’re not, on the 3rd of July, we are all the same.

Thanks to the 3rd of July, I will be unable to raise a glass to Independence Day, because I had way, way, way too much to drink last night. Happy 3rd of July everyone.