Our Blog

Boogers on the lightswitch...

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 21:11:32 -0500

Boogers on the lightswitch, that’s where our lives are right now.

I (this is Steven) have been saying to myself for weeks that we need to post a new entry on our blog, but I kept thinking I needed time to write a huge entry to update you on every detail of our lives since our last posting. But that amount of time will never come and you have all been so patient that I decided to go ahead and post something, even if it is brief, to let you know how we are doing.

The most important thing I need to do is add some new photos to our album so you can see how much the boys have changed in the last 6 weeks! If you will visit our Home 2008 Albums, you can see some of the most recent photos of the family.

If we have not answered your call or e-mail, we may have been busy collecting one of the 36 stool samples required to rid the boys of parasites. Or we could have been at one of the many medical or dental appointments needed to benchmark the boys’ conditions and plan a course of correction if needed. Or preparing for or recovering from the doctors’ visits. On the medical side the boys are checking out great, but the dental side is another story. Monday starts the process with Vlad having his first of several visits to the dental chair for work to correct years of neglect. Dyma is scheduled for outpatient surgery at the hospital to correct his issues, termed “full mouth rehabilitation” by our dentist’s office manager. Later this week, Leslie starts the screenings for vision and hearing and we finish the boys’ immunizations for school.

There are so many things to tell you about the boys that I could spend hours writing, but the bottom line is they are doing great. Leslie has done a wonderful job teaching them what it means to be a responsible member of a family as well as being a good brother. You should hear the boys (in their Russian accent) ask “may I be excused”, or say “yes please, more to eat”, “I have to go number one” or “look at me.” Leslie caught Sasha using that last one on Dyma when Sasha was trying to tell him something serious (it’s what we ask of the boys to verify that they are indeed listening to us).

Like the boogers on the lightswitch, or Dyma’s booger collection next to his chair at the dinner table, life has not been always been a bed of roses. We have our rough days where we take a few steps backwards. We have already noticed ebbs and flows between the boys when it comes to cooperation and a willingness to please their parents and get along with their siblings. But when you look at the boys today and then consider where they were when they arrived seven weeks ago, there is no comparison. They are filling out as they eat a steady, healthy diet (3 squares and 2 snacks) and they are all sleeping well at night. Their countenances are so different from the initial apprehension as they laugh and play and start to feel comfortable sharing our home. (The same goes for us!)

We continue to stay close to home and maintain a quiet lifestyle for now. When they first arrived home, we were anxious to enroll the boys in vacation Bible school and summer day camps as soon as possible. Based on the wise counsel of others, we agreed to stay put for at least two months and learn what it means to be a family. It has been time well spent and we continue to learn every day. We are slowly starting to venture out and at the same time, open our home to visitors on a very limited basis. The boys are still learning who “Mother” and “Daddy” are and what our roles are in their lives. The boys still call me Mother and Mama, before realizing I only answer to Daddy. We continue to use sign language daily and have added some new signs for favorite foods from our book and incorporated new phrases from our signing video. Unfortunately American Sign Language does not have a sign for all the phrases we use in our home, so we have had to make up our own for “mind on your business”(for the commode), “push & pull”, “hold tight”, “eye of the tiger” (war eagle!) and “reload” (Mom hates to hear this one from the dinner table). We have also made sure to instruct the boys on what to say when they meet a pirate on the street.... “shiver me timbers.” After a Desitin application Sasha will proudly tell you “my tiny hiney is shiny”!Lately, unfortunately, he has also added “whiny” to his litany, as have his brothers.

I cannot close without telling everyone how much we appreciate all the help and support sent our way, no matter how large or small, every gesture goes a long way in helping these boys grow into our family. We are new at this, and we admit we don’t know what we are doing most of the time, so we are grateful for the suggestions and words of encouragement. The days are getting easier and the boys have decided we are worth keeping as parents, so that makes things a little easier. Sasha only tries to climb the fence every few days or so...

Thanks for staying with us on the blog and we hope to make these entries more frequent in the future. Enjoy the pictures!

Adjusting bit by bit

Fri, 9 May 2008 22:56:00 -0500

We are doing great! In the photo you can see us with our thumbs up, which started with Sasha and has progressed to our family symbol. Vlad’s on the left, with Dyma in the middle and Sasha on the right. Each boy gives us a thumbs up when he’s happy and wants to make a connection with us - they lean toward us so their thumbs touch ours. This happens pretty frequently when eating!

The boys make progress every day in adjusting to our household. And Steven and I make progress every day in adjusting to our household! It’s zero to a million miles an hour; sometimes it’s all I can do to hold on! Maybe because I grew up with one sister, but boy, boys are LOUD! All 3 are curious, smart, willing to please, stubborn, sweet, active, and adore giggling, yelling, pushing, belching, kissing Mother (not necessarily in that order). Today’s watchphrase was “Chicka chicka boom boom,” as we are reading this English alphabet learning tool daily since it was received. The rhythmic tones attract the boys, and they look for the letters that start their names.

The medical news is that Sasha was diagnosed with a bacterial infection and I was diagnosed with a sinus and a staff infection this week, but life goes on when you’ve got 3 young boys!

MUCH household and child-watching help from Steven’s mom (babushka), dad (dyadushka), and aunts(tiotya) Elise and Vi, along with cousin Cristin and neighbor Becky.

Friends and family have helped with delicious meals, and it’s about all we can do to spoon it up, so THANK YOU! Our friend Liliana who emigrated from Ukraine several years ago brought over a traditional favorite Ukrainian children’s dish for the boys - seasoned pork patties. The boys are really good eaters; they love meat, potatoes, dairy products and fruit. Keeping sugar to a minimum seems smart (the peaks and valleys are pronounced enough as is!). We are working on the vegetables; Steven has implemented a method whereby we all say together “A,B,C” then take a bite. Dyma even ate his carrots tonight when he ran out of other more palatable foods. We worked our way through the alphabet at least 3 times!

Please know that we love the books, DVDs, flashcards, toys, games and gift cards you have sent; thank you so much! All of it is useful and so handy when we need to pull something out of our toolbox FAST.

Some “firsts” for the boys:

Seeing ice in a glass (lots of touching of the glass and sneaking fingers in to touch it)

Driving through Guthries for fried chicken fingers (lots of “OOOoooooo”)

Realizing that they were actually IN the house shown in the scrapbook photos we took for them to look at in Ukraine (big smiles, pointing to each room in the photo and then each room in real life)

Wrestlng all 3 at once with Dyadushka in the grass (bless his heart, it must’ve hurt!)

Chasing butterflies

Going down a tunnel slide (versus a regular open slide; Vlad usually goes first in these situations...)

Walking with Eli (he must lead so they can keep an eye on him)

We continue to appreciate your prayers love and support. It helps us help the boys! Blessings on mothers everywhere!

Experiencing home anew

Sat, 3 May 2008 13:21:05 -0500

I am sneaking a few minutes on the internet while the boys have “teehee chas” - quiet time. While there are many carryovers from the orphanages that make integration into family life difficult, I can honestly say that there are many positive aspects of adopting a child from a highly structured environment. How many 3, 5 and 6 year olds do you know who wait in their seats patiently while you dish up their dinner? Who stack their cups on their plates and carry them to the counter when they’re through? Who take off their outside shoes and put on clean inside shoes every time they enter the house? Who fold (or try to fold) their pajamas after taking them off in the morning? These boys try to please us and want our love and approval, and it’s so easy to give.

There have been many moments this first week of joy, frustration, and exhaustion. The language barrier continues to put pressure on our interactions. We simply cannot understand one another much of the time. And things that would amuse an English-speaking child do not hold the attention of a Russian-speaking child. We have been blessed with help in this area, too, though. An angel disguised as an Auburn University professor originally from Ukraine has aided our new family by being available by phone for translation. Liliana also has come over to the house and helped us explain our home, our boundaries and so forth to the boys, translating in Russian. We also used this opportunity to ask them about their favorite foods and games. You may laugh to know their favorite foods included eggs!

On to the joys . . . . In the middle of his first night in America (his daytime in Ukraine), Sasha called to me to get up and take him to the toilet. As he sat there and I stood next to him in a daze after 32 hours without sleep, I glanced down and saw him looking up at me, smiling broadly, giving me his “thumbs up” signal for when he’s happy. He likes for me to give him the signal back and touch thumbs, a special way of symbolizing our growing connection.

Dyma shows a sensitivity beyond his age, and exhibits open compassion when someone else is hurt. I was holding Sasha in my lap while we ate a meal at a restaurant the last few days in Kyiv; Sasha jerked up suddenly and bashed his head (which is apparently unbreakable) into my mouth. I tried to conceal the pain, but mustn’t have done a good job because there was Dyma, stroking my arm and head and looking into my eyes to make sure I was alright. Since we’ve come home, Dyma especially likes to be tucked into bed at night. When I tuck the covers all around his body, he literally quivers with the joy of it.

Vlad also likes bedtime, and the rituals we are developing around it. He has asked almost every night (in miming, our common language) if I would lie down next to him, but I’ve explained that Mother and Daddy sleep in the next room. So he settles in contentedly and puts his arms out for me to gently stroke while I talk to him about how much we love him and his brothers and our family. When I bless him (as I do all the boys at night) and make the sign of the cross on his forehead, he makes the sign in the air and looks to me for approval.

Steven and I both are taking lots of time to build these rituals that the boys can count on as a way to bring closure to each day we are building this family. We go to each boy’s bed and talk to them quietly each night. This often takes a lot of time but seems so important. I wish you could see them listen so seriously when we tell them that we love them and ask “da?” (yes), they nod and say “da.”

Our days are following the same rhythm as we provide a structure of safety for the boys. Breakfast, then making beds and getting dressed, then inside play, outside play, snack, outside play, lunch, quiet time, snack, outside play, dinner, outside walk, baths, and sleep (well, they are trying!). The boys are already embracing the circles of our days - with each step we explain what’s going to happen next to ease the little transitions (again, miming, broken Russian, some English). Me (in Russian): “Boys! Now, dinner. Next, walking outside. [miming walking with my fingers] Next, bathtime [miming playing in the water and washing] - taking turns. Understand?” Boys: “DA!” Me: “In the bath, Sasha first, Dyma next, Vlad next. Understand?” Boys: “DA!”

We have been blessed with countless angels during this time of transition. You know who you are! All I know is that at every turn when we’ve been in immediate need of an item it has mysteriously been found in nasha doma (our home) despite the lack of anything of its nature in the house when I left 2 months ago. For example - for the boys we’ve needed:

underwear and clothing (found, in the right sizes, in multiples, washed and sorted),;

beds and bed linens (color-coordinated, and including special baby blankets);

bathroom supplies (soaps, shampoos, ointments, toothbrushes, stepstools, etcetera);

for the kitchen plastic bowls and utensils, an adorable toddler chair, groceries, and meals;

in the family room books, games, toys, stuffed animals, and CDs. (It tells you how far we’ve come that Steven was overjoyed to find a RAFFI cd to put into the car stereo when he took the boys for a drive to give me a break today; those of you who know him well know that his musical tastes are varied but until now have NOT extended this far. He said that he put it in and after the refrain to “Santa Claus is coming to town” played several times he heard Dyma’s little voice join in from the backseat, then all the boys started singing - IN ENGLISH! YAY!)

Outside, the sandbox, sandbox toys, swings, soccer goal, balls, flowers, herb bed, tilled and planted garden, 3 blue bows on our mailbox, 3 american flags lining our driveway.

Far away in Texas, our financial advisor taken on the mundane but time-consuming and essential tasks of paying bills and managing our finances - a kindness that has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders during this challenging time.

(If I’ve neglected to mention something you brought, please know it’s probably just because in my sleep-deprived state I have not realized it’s here yet!)

Most of their toys and books are put away in the closet; we have two small bins by the boys’ play area for books and puzzles. To avoid overstimulation in these early days we have a bin of duplos and a bin of blocks that we take out of the closet for them to play with at certain, separate times. We also keep a small box of matchbox cars in the closet and when we take it out they get to choose three at a time to enjoy. Given the paucity of such entertainment in their prior life, this is good and plenty! Please don’t imagine that any of your gifts have or will go to waste though! Steven and I are thankful for provision for future entertainment and learning needs as they will most certainly expand as the boys become Americanized.

The boys are exploring our environment vigorously (they are so FAST and can punch buttons so QUICKLY!!!). As they do so, we constantly hear loud pronouncements of “etta myu.” (It is mine!). [Chorus from other boys: “NYET! ETTA MYU! (NO! IT IS MIIIINE!] From light switches to toilet seats to the wine cooler to door handles to matchbox cars, we are constantly adjusting their expectations to those of a productive family member. Thus the phrases “etta nasha” (It is ours) and “etta nee ee-grushka” (It is not a toy) roll off our tongues. [Chorus from boys: “Etta EE-grushka” (It IS a toy!)]

While this sounds and can be mildly amusing at moments, it is painful to see a child who has had nothing to call their own suddenly surrounded by abundance and, seeking to learn the rules of this new place, staking their ownership rights. You can only imagine the pulled fists and our sprints to separate them during some of the more spirited exchanges!

To help the boys, Steven and I put together a small “treasure chest” for each boy to call their own. Each boy now has a small flexible apple-green plastic tote loaded with 3 items: one small metal truck, a stuffed puppy dog they’ve had since they got out of the orphanage, and a book that plays music when you touch the buttons. Each item and the tote are marked with their first initial. They look for these things that are really truly theirs and keep them close - taking them to bed, to the table to park by their chairs during meals, and so forth. When Steven presented the treasure chests to the boys, their eyes lit up with pleasure. Well, until they each wanted each others’ musical books...

Returning home

Thu, 1 May 2008 13:46:10 -0500

Susie, Vlad, Dyma, Sasha and I arrived at the Atlanta airport at 7.30 Monday night, after what was the longest day of my life! While I can’t speak for Susie, I’d imagine she feels the same... While the details may perhaps be funny at some point in the distant future, you can get an idea of the flight when I tell you that the first son to close his eyes and sleep did so 8 1/2 hours into the 10-hour flight from Kyiv to New York. We had meltdowns, screaming, crying, many, many rushed trips to the toilet, refusals to wear seatbelts, refusals to walk or move, kicks of disabled man’s wheelchair in the gate area in New York, hurdling over other passengers’ luggage, thousands of button-pushes for flight attendant assistance (both at the seats and in the restroom), and three very, very tired and overstimulated boys. None of the three were frightened of the airplane, but there was so much new to see and touch and smell and hear that they could not relax and rest.

The beautiful part of this story is that God sent his angels to literally fly before, beside, and behind us. We received help from other passengers that went above and beyond human kindness. The man on our left across the aisle put his book down and chatted and distracted Sasha and Dyma. The babushka in front of us spent an hour attempting to soothe Sasha to sleep (unsuccessfully, despite her grandmotherly girth). A sweet young woman seated back by the toilet (the perfect place to meet any of the boys) held Sasha and entertained him for at least 3 hours. Another man we had seen at the US Embassy who is in the process of adopting came up for about half the flight to sit by and distract and comfort Vlad. One of the flight attendants was Russian speaking and did her best to explain things to the boys. It felt literally like minute-to-minute survival and the assistance from the other passengers - strangers- was incredibly helpful. I am probably leaving out other nice folks, like the ones who each and every time we needed to get to the bathroom FAST stepped aside to let us go first, or who simply smiled patiently and said they understood as the boys repeatedly kicked the backs of their seats.

The time at JFK airport was uncomfortable at best, but made much easier with the help procured by Susie’s brother Pete - in the form of two officials who personally guided us and cleared the way through all the required steps - claiming our luggage (and carrying it), clearing customs, passing immigration scrutiny of each boy’s paperwork, going again through security (losing one boy’s passport briefly and, yes, children do have to remove their shoes), and reaching our departure gate. The heat in the customs area was unbearable, with nowhere to toilet the boys. (Thank God for the flight attendant who had told us to have the boys use the airplane toilet before we disembarked.) The papers we presented to the immigration officials were deficient in some respect but with my pleading we got through. Vlad took charge of Susie’s roll-on bag, would not give up wildly steering it backwards, and in the process ran over many toes and scuffed a few shoes. Dyma was too tired to walk and let me tell you, that 40-pounder gets heavy pretty fast! Once we reached our departure gate, we saw the Russian-speaking flight attendant who was on our flight from Kyiv, now on our flight to Atlanta, who talked to the boys for us. This is the part where the two older boys ran circles around the entire gate area, falling on luggage, screaming and laughing and annoying just about everybody. The good news was that Susie got her phone going and learned that her son Brian had just been awarded the American Legion award at Winter Park High School, and that Katie and Mark were more than ready for her to be home. Steven said the same...

Our flight from Kyiv landed in Atlanta through dense fog and rain, and Susie and I were resigned to spending the night in Atlanta. However, the best news was that our next flight left on time (after a certain stubborn passenger decided he would put on his seatbelt). Sasha was so tired that his eyes were closed while he chewed on yet another cookie. Vlad and Dyma did their best to sleep although the positioning in the seats looked terribly uncomfortable. Susie and I discussed our strategy upon landing but nothing was decided. We were so exhausted and nothing seemed clear.

Then we landed. We could not wake up any of the three boys. Everybody else left the plane. One kind couple from the front of the plane recognized our situation and came back and took what carry-on luggage they could for us out to the gate area. The following statement tells you worlds about how humbled and tired I was from the entire two-month process: I gratefully accepted the offer of perfect strangers take my purse containing my and our three sons’ hard-won passports and all my identification, credit cards and money! All I can say is that I could see God’s light shining in their eyes.

We agreed that Susie would leave the plane to ferry our carry-on luggage off while I stayed with the boys. One of the pilots then headed back through our otherwise-empty section. I told him that we had just had the children out of the orphanage 6 days and were trying to bring them home but had no way to get them and our carry-on luggage off the plane to meet my husband and their father, and one set of their grandparents waiting in the gate area. I must have looked pretty desperate, because he picked up Vlad and said “wait here.” The next thing I knew Steven was coming down the aisle with a huge smile on his face and gorgeous flowers in his hand. Steven picked up Dyma and a sweet flight attendant picked up Sasha. We left the plane, with “Mother,” grandmother, flight attendants and a few fellow passengers in tears of joy.

Countdown to home

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 11:05:16 -0500

As I enter my 8th and hopefully final week in Ukraine, I have spent many hours with each of the boys. Now Susie has joined me, and has made her own observations and suggestions. (You can see above little Bogdan, a groupa-mate of Sasha’s who took a fancy to Susie, and vice-versa). As we prepare to take the boys out of the orphanage, let me try to paint a picture about these special brothers.

Vlad (oldest), Dyma (middle) and Sasha (youngest) go by their Ukrainian names at this point, although their “new” names are James Vladislav, Ellis Dmytro and Jacob Oleksandr. These boys are only allowed to play with a toy or toys if their caregiver takes the toys out of the cabinet and gives it to them. They are content to play with one small toy at a time. For example, Vlad played for over 30 minutes today with one matchbox car that was missing 2 wheels. On the playground, there are a few broken McDonald’s toys and a small 4 - 5 inch ball for soccer - for the entire groupa. Toys and games are scarce, and they are thrilled with very litt

We honestly don’t know if our boys have ever even opened a present. They certainly have never in the orphanage had anything to call their own - they share all clothing, even their shoes are communal. The boys will leave the orphanage with nothing except the clothing that we have provided. We want to be so careful with how to connect their world with our world, and to start to build the bonds that will be the bedrock of our family life. Too much of anything when we get home would be overwhelming for these sweet boys.

We accept ALL your generous offers of clothing, books, toys, games. With all that has been involved in bringing our sons home, we can certainly use all of your help! As a new mother, however, it would be difficult to see the boys being overwhelmed with too many toys and games and clothes all at once. Steven and I are still feeling our way (and it’s only the beginning). Our hearts tell us we have to be careful with toys and other possessions.

With that in mind, any hand-me-down or new clothes, books, toys and games, would be best received in plain boxes or bags, out of sight from the boys. Mail is fine, or simply driving up and dropping off things in the left front under our carport. For the boys’ sake, we ask you to forgo what would be ordinary when children receive gifts, that is, sitting down with them and opening beautifully-wrapped gifts, or even delivering them in the usual way. Steven and I can open things when the boys are otherwise occupied, and introduce your gift when the time is right (boy, I hope our attic is going to be crowded!). Susie also suggests that gift cards would be helpful to our family (Sam’s and Target are easily accessible to us).

Please understand we need all your support and want every one of you to meet and love on the boys at the right time. All this may seem like a complex undercover operation, but our gut instincts, along with the good advice of the international adoption clinic, and Susie’s shock as the mother of American children, makes it a very good idea for our three sons.