Feeling Better
I feel better. Not terrifically fantastically wonderful – but surely less bleak and despairing than yesterday (who IS that woman who pulls on the shroud of misery? Why won’t she stay away?). Anyway, perhaps today’s sunshine helped me.
Plus I got through that staff meeting without screwing up – I did have a sweaty hot-flash near the start – which is just god’s way of funning, I suppose. But other than that I think I did OK and the group seemed pleased. I will say that I hate seeing myself projected onto a screen fifteen feet tall. I have no neck and a pumpkin head. It’s sort of disturbing. I think somewhere deep in my heart I think I might be all right looking, in a chubby way, but then you blow me up to three times human size and it’s just wrong…so wrong.
I have 123 days before I leave for Venice - and focusing on that trip really does help me out of these slumps. I know that I need to get through the house stuff and clarify the money situation with Dave and Sherri for the folks going forward. I know I have to come to terms with my job – or find a new one. I know I have to eat right and exercise more and be kind to my friends and generous with myself when it comes to my failings. I know that the world gives me gifts and they should not be ignored.
My gift today is knowing that my short depression lifted quickly and leaves me unmarked. And that’s so much better than trudging through even a day more of the wallowing blues. So, onward we go. But, please, not blown up to movie-screen size!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
