Dear Mr. Jobs,

I’d like to share my iPhone experience with you thus far.  While I’d love to tell you how wonderful an experience it’s been, unfortunately I can’t.  The Apple side of it has actually been quite painless.  It’s your lovely choice of partners in this venture, AT&T, that has left the extremely sour taste in my mouth.  What follows is a simple day to day account of my iPhone extravaganza:

Day 1 - Friday, June 29th

I had only just toyed with the idea of purchasing an iPhone.  I hadn’t really committed to it.  However, my phone is indeed ancient in the time-warped world of mobile phones and my iPod is nearing its retirement.  And it just so happens I’d unexpectedly been working a few days that week (barely enough to subsidize the purchase) and on Friday got out at 5pm.  So I figured, “What the heck!  I don’t have plans until 7pm.  Let’s go see how long the lines are.”

5:10PM - I get to the AT&T store on 34th and 7th.  Very short line, but also a very small store.  It’s likely their iPhone stock is slim.  So I decide to keep going.

5:20PM - I get to the AT&T store on 39th and 5th.  Very long line.  Totally not worth it.

5:30PM - I get to the AT&T store on 46th and Madison.  Relatively short line.  Huge store.  I say, “What the hell!  Let’s go for it.”  The guy in front of me notifies me that I am 77th in line.

6:00PM (official launch time for iPhone) - They open the door and let the first five in.

6:20PM - First five people still in the store.  The rest of us are getting restless.  Nobody knows what the deal is.

6:40PM - First five people are STILL in the damn store!  The rest of us are getting down right pissed!  No one has come out to tell what’s going on!

6:50PM - The first person finally comes out!  He informs us that the POS (that’s Point Of Sale, though other translations are also appropriate) system crashed and took them 45 minutes to reset.  Brilliant!  By the way, at this point about 50 of the 70 people behind me have left.

7:00PM - Line hasn’t moved much.  Maybe six or seven people have come out of the store.  A sales rep comes out and stands next to the line just in front of me.  He announces that, “There is a chance that there may not be enough phones for everyone in line.  If that’s the case we have a fulfillment process that will have one at your doorstep in three days.”  This is not what we wanted to hear.  We insist he tells us exactly how many he has left.  He won’t.  He only keeps repeating his previous statement.  After MUCH escalation he finally discloses that everyone up to about where he’s standing should get one.  Remember now that I am standing a few people BEHIND where he is.

7:15PM - He comes back out and says basically the exact same thing as before, but this time stands in a different spot; right next to me!  Now this does me no good as I want an 8GB iPhone along with just about everyone else.  At this point there’s a slim chance that I’m even getting any iPhone, let alone an 8GB model.

7:20PM - One of the folks that left at 7PM comes back with an iPhone bag and two 8GB iPhones in it!  He has just come from the Apple Store on 59th and 5th.  The same store that had a 500 person line at 6PM!  They have apparently satisfied that line along with MANY more afterwards.  I decide EF-IT!  And I along with the two people in front of me grab a cab and go to the Apple Store.

7:30PM - We get to Apple Store and get into their very short and very fast moving line.

7:35PM - I’m at the register paying for my 8GB iPhone!  Hallelujah!  I LOVE APPLE!!

7:50PM - I meet some friends at a bar and we stay out and have some drinks.

11:30PM - I get home and begin the activation of my iPhone through iTunes.  After about five minutes of iTunes trying to complete my activation I finally get the following message; “You’re activation requires additional time to complete.  You will receive an email once your activation is complete.”  Booo!

Day 2 - Saturday, June 30th

2:00AM - No email.  iPhone still not activated, but AT&T had no trouble deactivating my old phone.  Am now without a working cell phone.  I finally decide to go to bed.

10:00AM - I wake up.  Still not activated.  Still no email.  Golly this is fun!

My iPhone is still the prettiest, most elegant, most expensive PAPER WEIGHT I’ve ever bought!

3:00PM - I finally get an email from AT&T!  Is it the one I’ve been waiting for?  Is my iPhone finally activated? ............ no.  This email tells me that they are currently processing my activation and that another email will follow with further instructions when activation is complete.  They do, however, give me an “order number” for my iPhone activation.

6:00PM - (see 12PM)

11:30PM - I decide to get creative.  I take the SIM card out of my iPhone and put it in my old phone.  IT WORKS!!!  How is this possible?  I immediately get on the phone to AT&T.  I check the status of my order number and an automated system tells me my iPhone has been activated and should be working!  So I take the SIM card out of my old phone and put it back into my iPhone..... and.... crickets.  Nothing.  SIM card goes back into old phone.  Back on the horn with AT&T.  I describe my situation.  After about two hours they finally determine that because of my extra texting plan and my Disney discount on the phone, there were “complications” activating it.  My situation must be escalated to the IT department who will handle it in 1-2 business days!  FFFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!  My apologies to those with sensitive ears.  I’m hoping you understand and feel my frustration by this point.  I cry myself to sleep.

Day 3 - Sunday, July 1st

This whole process has now carried over into July!  Ok, so that doesn’t really mean that much, but it does add some drama.

12:00PM - I decide to put the SIM card in my old phone as this is not a business day so nothing will happen with my iPhone as was expressed to me on the phone last night.  And this way I at least have A phone.  I go out to lunch, go to the park, basically have a New York day with some friends.  I see a girl at a bar showing off her fully activated iPhone and sink back into my iPhone depression.  That should be me damnit!

8:00PM - I get home and sulk.  I’m tired from a long day and decide to write this clever letter to Steve/journal entry to share my frustrations with the world.

8:30PM - I get an email from the iTunes Store, NOT AT&T.  “Congratulations!  You’re iPhone has been successfully activated.  Plug it in if it isn’t already hooked up to your computer.”  WHAT!?  This can’t be... can it?  It’s Sunday.  My iPhone isn’t supposed to be activated until at least Monday.  What the heck let’s try it!  I put it in the cradle... it turns on... iTunes recognizes it... and... PRAISE THE MOTHER IT WORKS!!  The iPhone lights up in a blaze of technological wonder!  It is blissful, beautiful, wonderful!  What is this watery substance leaking from my eyes?  I’m so happy!!  Why did I start this DAMN journal entry!?  Now I have to finish it before I can play with it!!  Screw you guys, I’ll be back in a few.....................................(10-15mins. later) Alright, I’m back and here’s a little video for you to share in my glory!!  Notice my laptop in the background with the composition of this journal entry displayed.  Enjoy!  And give me a call!!

“You and your twisted words.  Your help just hurts  You are not what I thought you were.”

                                                                                                                                               - Sara Bareilles, “Love Song”