As I promised [and lamely am just now getting around to delivering] from my 14 March post, there are a few things that are essential to survival in the Netherlands.  

1. 1. Dutch Bank Account:  Banking here is much different from the States.   First, there are no checks.  In order to pay someone, you either give them cash, pay with your credit or Chipknip card (see below), or wire money directly into their account.  When you get a bill, the sender includes their bank name, account number, and IBAN code (like our ABA routing), and you initiate a funds wire into their numbered account either by phone, or over the internet.   NOTHING happens without a Dutch bank account.  You can’t get paid, you can’t sign up for utilities, you can’t get insurance, and lots of other stuff.  With a Dutch bank account you can withdraw cash from any ATM in the EU free of charge, but it’s darned expensive to do so with a US ATM.  
   

2. 2. Chipknip Card- a funky little twist on the ATM/Debit card, also known as the Europas card.  Works the same as an ATM/Debit, except for one end of the

   

   card has a chip embedded that you can use to pay for small stuff like a soda, parking or snacks from a vending machine.   There’s no PIN needed in Chipknip transactions, so it essentially works like a prepaid gift card you would get from a retailer.   You have to physically load funds onto your Chipknip at a special machine next to most ATMs.   Of course, all the menus are in Dutch, so the first couple of tries takes some coaching.
   

3. 3.A Dutch Friend-   Holy smokes,.. this one is important, because without one,  the first two won’t do you any good.   Everyone tells you “oh, everyone in the Netherlands speaks English,” which is true.   But what nobody tells you is that all your bills and statements are in Dutch.    A good Dutch friend, or a Dutch person who will act like your friend, is good to have around in these times.
   

4. 4. IKEA- Living in the States, I never understood the draw to IKEA:,....  crappy modular furniture that I have to build myself?   And what’s up with the colors and small sizes?   Yeah, I get it now.   Everything is small here (except for the people,... really tall):  homes are small so stairways are small, streets are small so cars are small, restaurants are small so plates are small, refrigerators are small so package sizes are small.   Ok, got the point now.   While all these things are small, you still need stuff to sit on, sleep on, stand on, cook on, rest on, hang your clothes on, rest your books on, store your medicines on, and so on.   How do you get all that stuff home in small cars on small streets, into small houses with small kitchens and small hallways, with small stairs?    If you guessed “IKEA,” you guessed right.   Europe missed out on the whole SUV revolution that swept America (and boy aren’t we paying for it now!   I’m still trying to unload an ’02 Toyota Sequoya if anyone’s crazy enough to buy one).   The Smart4Two car has been here for 10 years.    At IKEA, you pick what you want, locate it flat-packed in the warehouse, load it into your small car, and drive it on small roads to your small house to build it yourself.   Oh yeah, and they’re also at least 50% less expensive for the same [looking] stuff at other stores.  Typical 3-seat sofa:  2,700 EUR.   Typical 3-seat sofa at IKEA: 500 EUR.  As of last week, one US Dollar buys you exactly 0.65, so IKEA just saved you $3,388USD.   Woo Hoo and three cheers for IKEA!
   

5. 5.Bike- Ideally, the good ‘ol Dutch bike.   The kind of bike that will get your kid beat up if he rode it to school.  Here’s a picture of mine.   The essentials are a) fenders to keep the water off your

   

   pants, b) “moustache” handlebars to keep you comfortable, c) a fully covered chain to keep the grease off your pants, d) a headlamp and tail lamp- it’s the law, e) a lock worth at least 50% of the bike’s price, f) a bell.   Optional items are gears, a rear rack, bags, and other pimpature.  If it’s too nice it will just get stolen.   I bought mine used for 125 EUR.  It sounds like a lot for what doesn’t look like much, but remember, this my main form of transportation.   These babies haven’t changed a bit since WW2, but the ride is actually quite comfortable.
   

6. 6.Raincoat- it goes everywhere with you.   Case in point: when we left for church this morning it was sunny and quite pleasant.  When we got out of church it was raining, then it started snowing.   I think it rains every day.   
   

7. 7.Scarf- Maybe it’s not essential, but if you look around you would think it’s essential.   Dutchies wear scarves the way Americans wear jeans- it’s just what you do.  Worn properly, it never comes off.   Hang the jacket if you must, but the scarf stays on.   I think Dutch men only remove them when they go to bed, and even then it’s only in the dark.

   

   
   

8. 8.Navigation- Drive in Holland without GPS Navigation and you’re dead.   No question.   It’s a life saver.   Hertz nEverlost is the worst.   Mercedes is by far the best.   Portable ones like the Tom Tom let you know where the traffic cameras are (Note:  there are no traffic cops to pull you over here.   If you’re going 5kph over the limit, hidden cameras snap your picture, and they mail you a fine.   
   

9. 9.Parking Indicator-  Outside of Amsterdam there’s a lot of free parking, but it’s only for

   

   30 minutes or 2 hours depending on the zone.   You turn the dial to indicate the time when you park the car, and if you exceed the limit you’re busted.   It works on the honor system, and it seems to work well
   
   
   

   

   
   

10. 10.Parking Sensors-   This one’s a gem.   Parallel parking is most common, and without parking sensors on your car it’s hard to park without doing the bump and grind.  The indicator lights and audio tones indicate how close you are to hitting something.
    

11. 11.Residency Card-  Agggggrrrrrhhhh!  In the states we call this the “Green Card.”  Here, you can’t do much without it.   You can’t buy a car, you can’t register your property, you can’t get mobile service, you can’t buy insurance.    Best of all, it takes forever.   
    

12. 12.Internet - Double Agggrrrrrhhhhh!  We still have 3 weeks to go before we’re connected to our own internet service.   Our neighbors were kind enough to let us have their WiFi passcode for now so that we’re not completely disconnected.    I actually got a letter thanking me for signing up with KPN Broadband, and informing me  I can check my order progress at www.kpn.nl/orderstatus.   Um,.. how exactly am I supposed to do that?????
    

13. 13.Spare Change-  There are some things a Chipknip can’t buy.   One of them is your shopping cart (or trolley, as they are called here).  Shopping carts are locked together with a daisy chain system.  To release your cart you have to insert a 50 EU cent coin.   You get your coin back when you return your cart.   No coin, no cart.
    

14. 14.Shopping Bags- If stuff isn’t expensive enough here, most stores charge you for plastic bags.  They’re usually 15 cents each.    So, you buy a couple of heavy duty bags and “bring your own” to the market.
    

15. 15. Holiday Plans- As you know, Europeans are famous for their liberal vacation policies, and yours truly benefits in kind.  But, fail to plan your holiday (yes, we go on “holiday” here) months out and you’ll be the only ones staying home for Easter.   We’re trying to book a holiday in mid June when school lets out, and a lot of the best destinations are already booked up.   We are hoping to do a week in either Mallorca, Spain, or on the Tuscany coast.
    

Next up:  the peculiarities of life in Holland.