I’ve said it before...
I’m just going to watch the Muppets for a few days. That way, I’ll remind myself that not everything in the world is a Big, Fat Crisis like it is in sleepy little Genoa City, Wisconsin. We Wine and Are-ers had a bit of a reprieve from the carnage, heartbreak, and Nikki’s Hospital Hair as it is American Thanksgiving (apparently), and the show was preempted for (no doubt) something truly in keeping with the spirit of that holiday: a football game or three.
We at the Wine and the Are don’t generally watch North American football, but our significant others do. My husband knows it’s not easy being green these days (even when the greens are in the final) and his theme song lately has been this signature song by Kermit the Frog, as something called the Saskatchewan Roughriders are (apparently) playing in something called The Grey Cup on Sunday. We jest, dear readers. We are vaguely aware of the game; we just don’t care. We’d rather sip wine and watch Victoria wake the hell up while everyone cheers, “it’s a Thanksgiving miracle!”
You know, if I looked as good waking up in the morning as she does after not waking up for weeks and weeks, her hair cleanly arrayed on her pink silk pillow, her lips plumply pink with nary a trace of drool, well... let’s just say things would be a lot easier around here at 8:00 am.
As it is, those of us in the Real World are sick to death of Victor browbeating Nikki over whether they should save the baby or Victoria, but mostly, he should get off her back becuse she has Very Bad Hair. Now. Having spent long long amounts of time in hospitals concerned for loved ones, this writer knows that one’s hair does indeed become bad after a while of sleeping on uncomfortable couches and using McDonald’s Special Sauce as hair styling products, BUT, this is Genoa City for heaven’s sake! Even the babies are coiffed!
Let us not even speak of the dreaded H.W.S. (Hollywood writers’ strike) looming over Clear Springs and Genoa City. Our confidential sources (Entertainment Weekly) tell us that we could have to wait WEEKS OR MONTHS before we find out whether the producers decide that the actor playing Victoria is making way too much money to lie there and look pretty and have her hair stroked by everyone in town, thus waking her the hell up so she can earn her pay like the rest of the poor slobs on that show.
What we wonder is this: of all the people to go into a coma, didn’t it make sense to put Amber in a coma? That way, we’d effectively be rid of her, and Nikki would have Good Hair again.
As to wine, we do tend to turn to our faves over and over, as here at the Wine and the Are, we know what works. We’ve pulled out the Vampire Pinot Grigio again as an old comfortable stand-by to cure what ails us. Occasionally we like to go with the familiar. Hence my trip to Overpriced Video Store Staffed by Twelve-Year-Olds to rent the episode of The Muppet Show with Pierce Brosnan dressed as a giant crustacean, introducing himself as “Prawn. James Prawn.” Later this same episode, a lounge lizard muppet sings “Pieeerce Brosnaaaan” to the tune of Goldfinger. That should take my mind off Thanksgiving at the Winters’.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
... and I’ll say it again: I hate this stoopid show.
