A Christmas Miracle!
We suppose there is some chance that we’re the only people on the planet who have never watched any soap but The Wine and the Are. We don’t think it’s a huge chance, but it’s the only explanation for the woman above to arrive on the scene without us having a hot clue who she is. Lauren Fenmore seems to know who she is. Apparently, she is an Entertainer of some sort from Some Other Soap. At this point, we remain unconvinced. We are entirely convinced, however, that her outfit yesterday was designed with The Wine and the Are in mind. We think someone over at CBS is reading us, and we thank them for brightening our day so thoroughly.
This woman (I’m not even aware of her character’s name; I’ll have to ask my cohorts) arrived for her shift at Lauren’s boutique yesterday wearing one of the most amazing outfits we have ever seen. Where to begin? I believe one should start with the diamond-encrusted, multi-layered necklace which spelled REBEL in huge diamond studs. This wondrous thing was paired with earrings made from the chandelier-style glass crystals that hung from the light bulbs in my grandmother’s 1973 table lamps from The Brick Warehouse. These pieces of ... we’re not sure what ... were draped over a green velour track suit with poofy silk sleeves. “Is it a Grade 9 Grad Track Suit?” we asked ourselves. There is no explanation for the sleeves. They were so distracting that we had no idea what her conversation with Lily was about (not that we notice what Lily says half the time anyway). All we could concentrate on was the REBEL necklace and the spectacular way the silk sleeves were attached to the avacado-green velour of the top.
In the cliché-riddled words of Phyllis Newman, “it’s a Christmas miracle!”
Whatev.
We were very disappointed when the scene was over, but we were rewarded handsomely for our patience when Dru came home! Ah Dru. We can always count on you to wear something vaguely silly, but yesterday was success beyond measure. Our wine mugs runneth over! Dru thought it would be a great idea to wear the transparent tissue that wraps up gift baskets at this time of year, held together with a solid diamond/brass cowboy hat pin the size of a dinner plate across her exposed sternum. Well, it is Christmas! Whatever blows your hair back, Dru. We don’t think anything could blow your hair back though, as it appears to have been back-combed into Madison County.
Ah... just when you think the stars are learning how to wear clothing, they renew one’s faith in the inevitability of bad product/clothing label placement.
The wine to be cracked later today at the home of a Wine and Are compatriot is this marvelous thing:
We here at The Wine and the Are have our favourites, but as always, we welcome quirky labels - the quirkier the better - and occasionally delight in buying wines solely on the basis of the label’s appeal. This one rocked our socks clean off. If the wine is half as funky as the label, it’s going to be a funky Wine and Are indeed. We are hopeful that we don’t run into the This Wine Tastes Like Its Name disappointment we experienced with Old Fart some weeks back, as the last thing we feel like drinking today is eau de Funky Llama, whatever that might be.
~~~
While I wait literally weeks before Casino Royale opens at the second run, I thought: why not reread some old Ian Fleming? I’d forgotten how terrific (and terribly dated) some of those novels are. I’ve recently thoroughly enjoyed Dr. No, You Only live Twice, and The Man with the Golden Gun. Somehow, when I was younger, Fleming’s characters’ racism and sexism didn’t make as big an impression as they do now. One must, I feel, take context into account when reading these novels. It’s a lot like reading Kerouac (another of my favourite writers), I find. If I allow the author to exist in his own time, without attempting to drag him into our more enlightened one, I can enjoy the work on its own merits and am able to (nearly) overlook the flaws.
We have no idea who the hell this woman is. We only know she dresses badly, and we’re grateful.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Bad Fashion Jackpot!!
