Reliquary, Reliquary
Is it just me, or is everyone tired beyond belief of The Reliquary Plot? I know I am. I want the Reliquary plot and its attendant complications, murders, and gold bullion to go far, far away.
When I was a Stage Manager, one of the tried and true methods employed by the acting teachers of my acquaintance was to instruct the would-be movie stars in our performance program to say “Rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb!” when they found themselves in a crowd scene with no written lines. This would ensure that their lips were moving in a convincing way while simultaneously ensuring that they were not coming up with anything original or convincing to say that actually might have something to do with the scene taking place downstage of their position.
So much for Method Acting.
We at The Wine and the Are must now admit that we tend to mumble “Reliquary, reliquary, reliquary” when any mention of said Reliquary is made either in Genoa City or in the Czech Republic. We’re also guilty of fast-forwarding through these tedious scenes while mumbling “ Reliquary, reliquary, reliquary” along with the zinging-ahead of the VCR. We think that this clear rip-off of The Da Vinci Code has worn out its welcome, and we’d like someone to please turn the lights back on so we can see the bad wardrobes we’re here to write about.
I tried to read The Da Vinci Code. I got to page fifty, on which the taillights of the truck in the alley below were “twinkling mockingly” up at Sophie and I fired the book against the living room wall. The only reason I did not throw it into my garden (where books I hate have occasionally landed) was that it was a library book. I did not sign up for Da Vinci-type plots on my beloved Wine and Are and I’d like it to end immediately, if not sooner.
Somehow, though, Jana has not let her stress about being a murderer associated with the Reliquary (reliquary, reliquary, reliquary) stop her from continuing to daily dye that one piece of hair flaming red/purple/whatever-colour-not-found-in-nature she chooses that day. If I had killed Carmen Mesta and was planning to kill Colleen and Kevin as well, would I take the time to dye my hair? I think not. But I am not Jana.
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We must admit to a departure in our wine habits and we hope it will not disillusion our readers too much. Our habits are going to take a slight detour as we figure out what a Vesper tastes like. This drink is James Bond’s drink of choice in Casino Royale and we want to sample its delights. All we need is three measures of Gordon’s Gin, one measure of Vodka, and a half measure of Kina Lillet. We pour it over ice, shake it well so it’s ice-cold and add a large slice of lemon peel. Sounds great, but what the hell is Kina Lillet? I ask you.
My task next week is to stop at the specialty boozeries in my vicinity to see if anyone carries this particular liqueur, or if it only exists in the Montenegro of the 1950s. All will be revealed and I shall report our findings. If this drink is good enough for Daniel Craig, we know it will be good enough for us. The minute Casino Royale is released on DVD, Crazed BondBuddy Annette and I are hosting a viewing party, and our Vespers can be nothing less than fabulous and perfect.
Stop saying, “Reliquary” or I’ll shoot your kneecaps off.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Reliquary, reliquary, reliquary...
