quotable quotes!
 
 
Appraisal and assessment You do not make a pig fatter by weighing it. Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted 
Einstein Washington DC Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. Thomas Jones (1892 - 1969) If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. Harry S Truman If you can't convince them, confuse them. Harry S Truman I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it's hell. Harry S Truman It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. Mark Twain The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Oscar Wilde A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston Churchill THE  SENILITY PRAYER Grant  me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good  fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the  difference. Appalling Vista A controversial judgment was that in the appeal of the Birmingham Six in 1979. Denning's view was that: If the six men win, it will mean that the police are guilty of perjury, that they are guilty of violence and threats, that the confessions were invented and improperly admitted in evidence and the convictions were erroneous... This is such an appalling vista that every sensible person in the land would say that it cannot be right that these actions should go any further. He also commented that "We shouldn't have all these campaigns to get the Birmingham Six released if they'd been hanged. They'd have been forgotten and the whole community would have been satisfied." The men's convictions were overturned in 1991, after it was shown that the police had indeed done all the things Denning described, and he admitted that the West Midlands Police force had "let us all down”. Cardiac Surgery "Any surgeon who wishes to preserve the respect of his colleagues would never attempt to suture the heart." From a speech by Christian Albert Theodor Billroth  at the Vienna Medical Society Meeting, 1880 "Surgery of the heart has probably reached the limits set by Nature to all surgery: no new method, and no new discovery, can overcome the natural difficulties that attend a wound of the heart." Stephen Paget, The Surgery of the Chest, 1896 Wealth A wealthy man is one who earns $100 a year more than his wife’s sister’s husband. H.L.Mencken Ambulances in the NHS Britain is the only place in the world that I can get a pizza to my door quicker than an ambulance. An interested observer of matters medical Three sides There are three sides to every story - yours, mine, and the truth. Robert Evans, actor and producer. I started out with nothing, and I have still got most of it left. Grouch Marx Advantages If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; you get accused of things you never did and praised for virtues you never had. IF Stone, American writer (1907 - 89) A prayer From inability to let well alone; From too much zeal for the new and contempt for what is old; From putting knowledge before wisdom, science before art, and cleverness before common sense; From treating patients as cases; and From making the cure of the disease more grievous than the endurance of the same; Good Lord, deliver us. Sir Robert Hutchison (1871 - 1960) BMJ 1953;1:671 A choice Medicine is my lawful wedded wife and literature my mistress. When one gets on my nerves, I spend the night with the other. Anton Chekhov After the cure Every patient is a doctor after his cure Irish proverb Lots of remedies When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it can’t be cured Anton Chekov, The Cherry Orchard Research
If we knew what it was we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it? Einstein Distress
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. Marcus Aurelius Antonius (AD 121-180) Old Age
Old Age isn't a battle; old age is a massacre. Philip Roth, Everyman. Optimistic lies
Optimistic lies have such immense therapeutic value that a doctor who cannot tell them convincingly has mistaken his profession. George Bernard Shaw. Preface to Misalliance 1914. The difference
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. Frank Lloyd Wright (1867-1959). 
Clever is the man who believes half of what he hears. Brilliant is the man who chooses the right half to believe.... If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise. Sports medicine expert and author, PZ Pearce. Perfection is unattainable - problem-free research is fraudulent. Prof David Stone, Professor of Paediatric Epidemiology, University of Glasgow. No health foods
Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get. Robert Orben Angry
Anyone can be angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - this is not easy. Aristotle, Nicomachean ethics Wives Behind every successful man is an astonished woman A man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success A selection of political insults from 'Scorn with extra bile' by Matthew Parris. The full text of Martin Luther King's 'I have a dream' speech. (click on quotation) The poetry of Donald Rumsfeld (click on Rumsfeld) The three stages of a man's life

He believes in Santa Claus
He doesn't believe in santa Claus
He IS Santa Claus
 Medical Case Reports 
A picture produces a thousand words

A hideous demon
Three shapes a doctor wears. At first we hail
The angel; then the god, if he prevail,
Last, when, the cure complete, he asks his fee,
A hideous demon he appears to be Doctor and patient (translated by WFH King in Classical Quotations) Reality
People would rather be deceived than have the truth cause them anxiety. Caleb Carr, derived from the Latin, "mundus vult decipi" which means "the world wishes to be deceived" 
[Has this accidently crossed my desk during the second Gulf War?] Surgical Training
The life so short, the craft so long to learn. Hippocrates Paper thin
The division between art and deviousness and crime is sometimes as thin as a cigarette paper. Robertson Davies (1913-95), What's bred in the bone. The art of surgery
Surgery is derived from the Latin chirugery meaning "hard work." The surgeon does more than just working with his or her hands, however, as alluded to by St Francis of Assisi:

He who works with his hands is a labourer.
He who works with his hands and his head is a craftsman.
He who works with his hands and his head and his heart is an artist. Kamran Baig, research scholar, Department of Surgery, Duke University Mediacl Center, NC, USA Age and wisdom
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956), American editor and critic. Learning from each other
The young man who has not wept is a savage, and the old man who will not laugh is a fool George Santayana (1863-1952), Spanish born American educator, philosopher, and poet, in Dialogues in Limbo, 1925 The noble profession
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its existence. James Bryce (1838-1922), English diplomat and author; ambassador to the United states, 1907-13 Good Lord, deliver us
I think there should be a new petition in the litany to be read in hospital chapels or wherever doctors and nurses do, or ought to, congregate. It might be as follows:

"From inability to let well alone; 
from too much zeal for the new and contempt for what is old; 
from putting knowledge before wisdom, 
science before art, and 
cleverness before common sense, 
from treating patients as cases, and 
from making the cure of the disease more grievous than the endurance of the same, 
Good Lord, deliver us." Robert Hutchinson (BMJ 1953;i:671) Unreasonableness pays off
The reasonable man adapts himself to suit the world, 
while the unreasonable man seeks to adjust the world to suit him.
Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." George Bernard Shaw, in Man and superman Theory and practice
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice; in practice there is. Kevin Barraclough quotes Yogi Bear Being an Australian in Europe I am the frequent recipient of pieces pointing out the superiority of Aussie Culture. A selection can be viewed on the "Culture" page. A selection of medical slang courtesy of Hospital Doctor A selection of psychological jokes (Internet, new window) A selection of social worker jokes (Internet, new window) Commit adultery only with those who have as much to lose as you do. Advice to John Major! 
Lace my boots?… He’s not good enough to lace my drinks George Best on Paul Gascoigne 
Four things a woman wants from a man: 1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, cooks and cleans, and helps care for the kids & and who makes money. 2. It is important to find a man who loves to spend money on you and show you a good time 3. It is important to find a man who is good in bed and loves to have sex with you 4. It is important that these three men never meet. War hath no fury like a non-combatant. CE Montaigne 
The virtue of surgery
Surgery is the best of the medical sciences; less liable than any other to the fallacy of conjectural or inferential practice; pure in itself; perpetual in its applicability; the worthy produce of heaven and the certain source of fame. Dhanwantaree c 600 BC 
The world's trouble
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt. Bertrand Russell (1872 -1970) 
Three eternal rules of health systems 1. All health services are currently undergoing reform 2. The last reform was a disaster 3. Somebody somewhere is saying that the current reforms will be bad for patients (and a fourth? Health Ministers must have been bad people in previous lives in order to be reincarnated as Health Ministers) Uwe Reinhardt, Professor of Economics and Public Affairs, Princeton 
Never apologise (Coincidentally quoted in the BMJ in the week Roy Keane refused to apologise to Mick McCarthy.....)
It is a good rule in life never to apologise. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. PG Wodehouse 1881 – 1975 Walking
The only exercise I take is walking behind the coffins of friends who took exercise. Peter O’Toole 
The Perils of Publishing
When you publish something, it is very much as if you pulled your pants down in public. If what you have written is good, nobody can hurt you; if what you have written is bad, nobody can help you. Edna St Vincent Millay, American poet (1892-1950) 
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen 
Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make a complete use of the other five. W Somerset Maughan Sipping Vodka Democracy "Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses". H.L.Mencken American editor, author, and critic, 1880-1951 "If you're in a bad situation, don't worry, it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry, it'll change." John A Simone Sr Things I have learnt from my children The difference "God and Doctor we like adore, But only when in danger, not before; The danger o'er, both are alike requited, God is forgotten, and the Doctor slighted." Robert Owen, British social reformer (1771-1838) A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and leave you looking forward to the trip. Training anaesthetists Marshall Joffre, commander of the French armies in the first world war, noted that, "It takes 10 000 to 15 000 lives to train a major general." It doesn't take as many as that to train an anaesthetist, but it does take a certain number. After all, the anaesthetist takes them one at a time. W Stanley Sykes, in Essays on the first hundred years of anaesthesia, Edinburgh: Churchill Livingstone, 1960. A healthy state of ignorance "No one can in five, or even fifty, years learn all that one could wish about disease and its prevention and treatment. You have to go on learning all your lives, and, a healty state of ignorance is a saving grace." A Dr Andrews a hundred years ago when welcoming new medical students. "If I'd known I was gonna live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." Eubie Blake, Jazz musician (1883-1983) Writing "Writing is like prostitution, first you do it for the love of it, then you do it for a few friends, and finally you do it for the money." Moliere Letter to Bill Gates from a Japanese windows user! "Without education, we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously." GK Chesterton "In one pocket keep a message reminding you that you are dust and ashes. In the other pocket keep a message telling you that the world was created just for you." Advice from an American Comedian "There are no shortcuts to anywhere that's worth going to." Beverly Sills, Opera Star "It has been my experience that people who have no vices have very few virtues." Abraham Lincoln "Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." Dave Berry "You've reached middle age when all you exercise is caution." Unknown "Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do." Terry Marchal "You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something." H. Jackson Brown, Jr. "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." Woody Allen "A banker: the person who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it rains." Mark Twain "There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there." Indira Ghandi "There are two kinds of people, those who divide people into two kinds, and those who don't." Unknown "A stumble may prevent a fall." English proverb "All of us could take a lesson from the weather, it pays no attention to criticism." North DeKalb Kiwanis Club Beacon "I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it." Stephen Leacock "If you want truly to understand something, try to change it." Kurt Lewin Necessity is the mother of taking chances Mark Twain Praise does wonders for the sense of hearing Bits and Pieces "Facts are stubborn things." Aain Rene Lesage "Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness." Cullen Hightower "A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel like it." Alistair Cooke "If at first you do succeed - try to hide your astonishment." Los Angeles Times Syndicate Recipes for happiness Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy Benjamin Franklin Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.   George Burns   Copyright on the net The piracy of intellectual property should be regarded as a form of promotion not theft, The Economist Patenting knowledge To patent the polio vaccine would be "like patenting the sun." Jonas Salk Fads in medicine One is instantly reminded of the malign influence of fashion on medicine, more than any other science. Even nowadays it is subject to fads, although no science is actually more profitable. Pliny the Elder, AD 23-79 Hypothesis and Fact The great tragedy of Science – the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact Thomas Henry Huxley, Collected Essays (1893-4), "Biogenesis and Abiogenesis". Understanding of the world Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein Wise Advice Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness. Edward Stanley, 1826-93, at an addres at Liverpool College, 20 December 1873 A Texan prayer Lord, help me in my constant search for truth but spare me the company of people who have found it.   Relativity If one puts ones hand on a hotplate for a minute, it seems like an hour; if a pretty girl sits on your knee for an hour, it seems like a minute. That’s relativity. Albert Einstein Survival of the Fittest It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, it is the one most adaptable to change. Charles Darwin Amusing the patient The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while Nature cures the disease. Voltaire An elected general The personal requirements for an elected general: "ingenious, energetic,careful, full of stamina and presence of mind ... loving and tough, straightforward and crafty, ready to gamble everything and wishing to have everything, generous and greedy, trusting and suspicious" Greek historian Xenophon, writing about the situation in 504BC when the Greek city states were faced with threats of invasion from Persia  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birmingham_Sixhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Midlands_PolicePolitical.htmlMLK.htmlRumsfeld.html../Culture/Culture.htmlhttp://www.workjoke.com/projoke30.htmhttp://www.workjoke.com/projoke32.htmshapeimage_2_link_0shapeimage_2_link_1shapeimage_2_link_2shapeimage_2_link_3shapeimage_2_link_4shapeimage_2_link_5shapeimage_2_link_6shapeimage_2_link_7
Nothing to do with Thoracic Surgery; extensively and unashamably plagiarised from the BMJ "Endpieces" and other sources…
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