This week’s topic for Seek the Lord Sunday is “How does being a Christian affect your parenting style?” This is another topic that is difficult for me to write about, because I have been a Christian for eleven years, much longer than I’ve been a Mom. I almost think it’s impossible for me to answer this question, because there has never been a time that I’ve been a Mom and not been a Christian. I can’t really know how I would parent my children if I were not a Christian, because the Holy Spirit had a chance to change and transform my thinking and attitude long before I had kids, and that makes it very hard to pinpoint how I am different. There are obvious differences in me between  now and before I knew Christ, but I was your typical, self-centered teenager then, so again, it’s hard to compare.

I have been considering two twists on this topic that I might find easier to write about. One, what areas do I continue to struggle with, as a Christian mom? In other words, how do I still fall short of what I think a Christian mom should be? (That one might just be too long for a blog post.) The other is, how has being a mom affected my Christian walk? Yeah, that one seems way more manageable.

I think I can identify three distinct areas where being a Mom has affected my Christian walk, and these are things that would also fit under the first question, how do I continue to fall short of what a Christian Mom should be? (I know, that question just sounds all full of judgment and high expectations, but bear with me, I still think it’s valid.) The first is in the area of laziness vs. self-discipline. I am, by nature, a lazy person. I have very little self-discipline AT ALL. It was a problem for me in college, when I never wanted to show up for a class before 10, and turned in several assignments late because I just couldn’t make myself do them when I’d much rather be doing anything else. It was a problem in high school trigonometry, when I encountered a subject that didn’t come naturally for me--I actually needed to work at it--and ended up getting a D because I wouldn’t work at it. And it was a problem when I first got married because I was not accustomed to keeping house; I seldom made the bed, wouldn’t unload the dishwasher even if I’d been home all day, etc. There are so many areas of life where this is an issue for me; having regular quiet times, working out, dieting, keeping house...the list goes on. But the first time I really started to make progress in this area was when I had Gabrielle. Scott and I were Babywise parents, meaning that we guided our babies into flexible schedules, which enabled them to sleep through the night around 7 weeks and have a little bit of predictability in their schedules. Maintaining a schedule like that requires some discipline in itself. But as I cared for Gabrielle, the discipline went beyond that, such as working out when she napped, whether I felt like it or not, because I knew the opportunity would not arise again. I started unloading the dishwasher in the morning, for Scott’s benefit and mine (it’s just a downer seeing all those dishes piled up), making my bed because someday I’d expect my kids to make theirs, and I better get in the habit now. I continue to struggle with this area, because I have a lifelong habit of laziness, and I’ve only been working on it for five years. But I’ve made significant strides, and God used my becoming a Mom to bring about that change in me. I sort of live in fear of the years when I am homeschooling my kids formally, because I’m afraid I will not rise to the challenge. But that is God’s call on me, and He will equip me for it, right?

Another area where He used motherhood to grow me is in a personal area of besetting sin. I’m not going to go into detail, because there are just some things I don’t need to share with the whole world. Suffice it to say I’ve struggled in this area for years, and have wanted to change all that time, because I know it is displeasing to God for me to sin against Him; it breaks His heart. But I am working harder than ever to give up that sin, because I recognize that I have a huge impact on my children, as their mother, as the one who cares for them all day, every day. This particular sin doesn’t have a direct influence on my kids, but it affects them because it is besetting SIN.

But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. 2 Tim 2:20-21

The third area is probably the most important: abiding in Christ. Naturally, my desire is to raise children who love and honor the Lord, and live their lives devoted to Him. I could talk about God a lot, but I think the most important thing in my life, for communicating about God to them, is to abide in Christ: through reading His Word regularly, praying, worshiping, not just on the weekend, but every day. As the cliche says, “more is caught than taught.” I believe that as I abide in Him, what I teach my kids about God will become a natural outflow of my personal, growing relationship with Him. As I consider the puzzle that some Christian families’ kids grow up to love Jesus and some grow up to reject Him, and while there are obvious differences from one family to the next, I tend to think that a big part of the difference is that some Christian parents live their lives abundantly, sold out for Christ, and some just talk about Him a lot, without having a living and vibrant faith to back up their words. I think this abiding in Christ is crucial for my kids to think there’s something worth pursuing in this Christian faith. After all, the thing that disillusions children the most is not when their Christian parents mess up, but when they are hypocritical--when they mess up and are false about it. Parents that make a mistake, then apologize, being transparent about their mistakes, are not judged by their children, they are admired. So my greatest aim is to abide in Christ and be transparent with my kids about my faith, so that they can see the awesome, transforming power of God’s grace.

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.” John 15:4

Every one of these issues was one I should have been facing already, just by benefit of being a disciple of Christ. Self-discipline is very important in the disciple’s life, besetting sin definitely needs to be dealt with and given over to God, so the Holy Spirit can help me to live in godliness, and abiding in Christ is what being a Christian is all about (He didn’t just save me from hell, He also saved me for an abundant life.) But it took the external accountability of having children who depend on me completely to motivate me to seek the fuller life in Christ.

Check out Call Her Blessed to read others’ thoughts on this subject.