Steve wanted to write a guest post the other day, but he’s been so busy. So. Consider this ‘As told to’ Kelly Dunleavy by Steve O’Mara. I should practice my ghost-writing skills.

 

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Last week, we ran out of soap, but Kelly is lazy and didn’t get any. I was going to drive home from my bike ride in Sausalito, shower, change and then go to the store. But I realized that I probably wanted soap to shower, so I stopped at Whole Foods in my bike clothes. That way I could get the Whole Foods crack peanut butter and honey that comes from the dispenser too.

 

I got my peanut butter and was waiting for the honey to come out. It was dripping really slowly into the container. Really, really slowly. And it didn’t speed up or change pace in the two minutes I stood there.

 

Now, I expected the soap at Whole Foods to be weird and I was prepared to end up buying some all natural, organic ingredients, non-perfumed soap, and I figured that would be fine.

 

So the honey was dripping really, really slow and I walked to the other end of the aisle to get soap. But it was like the feeling the normal Americans must get just walking into Whole Foods and wondering where their beef jerky is. All I could see what natural hemp oil cleansers and soap made from rocks. I stared and stared and couldn’t figure out what to buy. I was so confused.

 

By the time I walked back to the honey a group of nine people had gathered around the honey and were staring at it as it poured out over the container and all over the floor. They hadn’t figured out how to turn the switch off either. One worker even walked by, looked at the mess and just kept walking.

 

I almost threw out the thing of honey because it was covered with honey. But I figured that would be wasteful. I used up all the napkins in the store trying to wipe off the bottle.

 

Then I went to the front of the store to get some of the napkins wet from the water dispenser (all while still in my bike clothes). I got the napkins wet to finish wiping off the bottle, but I forgot to turn off the water dispenser after getting the napkins wet and the water spilled all over the floor.

 

Basically, I’m never allowed to go back to Whole Foods.