Kaiser is supposed to be awesome
I’ve decided to go back to my old awesome plan of: don’t go to the doctor no matter what, it’ll get better on its own.
Last month, I got all those awesome tests done, where we were trying to replicate what happens when my heartrate shoots up by making me walk on a treadmill because yeah, that’ll make my heartrate high. Oh wait, no, no tests designed for overweight diabetics won’t really work so well.
So, Thursday, I was supposed to get this 24 hour heartrate monitor and my doctor told me to exercise really hard with it. So, obviously it made sense then when the nurse hooked me up and told me not to change clothes or get the sensors wet and “exercise” left her with a puzzled look, though in all fairness that may have just been an unfamiliar word. I was pissed off enough to send my doctor an angry email, since he hadn’t responded to my non-angry email from Monday.
Which led to me stuffing the hand-sized monitor in my running shorts and trying get myself to pass out on the China Camp trail. I came really close, but I kinda a little peed my in pants instead. Fantastic.
The other reason I emailed my doctor is because after all the really bad stomach pains I was having the last month, it turns out that no I don’t have gallstones, no I don’t have acid reflux, and no I’m not pregnant. (There were actually like 10 more tests, but I didn’t understand the results so well, except that the numbers were all in the normal range, so yeah.) Now? Well, it turns out all the nutritionists only really work with obese diabetics, because apparently that’s what the whole healthcare industry is for. Fantastic.
About a week ago I got a weird, medium-sized, oddly shaped bump on the side of my head. At first I figured it was some kind of strange bug bite or Lyme Disease, but it didn’t go away for a week and a half and stayed the exact same. Since I’m kinda, sorta white, I’ve always been told to be really careful and to go to the dermotologist right away if I ever got any weird spots or marks or bumps. My doctor said to call the dermotologist and schedule an appointment. No problem, right? HAH.
The dermotologist’s office said they were scheduling appointments for August. I was like ‘oh, no, I just need someone to look at this bump’ because what if it’s melanoma, right? They said they were scheduling appointments for July. I was like ‘seriously, what if I come in in 2 months and you’re like ‘if only we had caught this a month ago’.’ They said they were scheduling appointments for July. Fantastic.
Then my left eye started to burn. It hurt really bad a week ago and got kind of swollen, but I figured I had gotten something in my eye. It went away after a couple days, but then came back Thursday.
Obviously, this is all fantastic. Yes, I did schedule a doctor’s appointment for this week, but I think I may just go back to locking myself in my room.
Tomorrow is Alcatraz. I’m hoping I don’t hurt myself too badly.
Saturday, June 13, 2009