Shirley Phelps-Roper is the daughter of Fred Phelps -- who founded Westboro Baptist Church. Today she's active in the group's worldwide picketing, and also serves as Westboro Baptist Church's spokesperson.

And, I've learned, she's got a wicked sense of humor.

When Shirley first responded to me in order to return my donation to their church, she very civilly included three pages of biblical scripture to explain their refusal to accept donations. Any donations. From anyone. No hypocrisy there.
I wrote back to express my disappointment, and to question something I'd learned about the church from internet research.
I received another response from Shirley, peppered with smiley face emoticons, answering my questions and, to my complete surprise, also asking me for advice on which busy intersection would be best for them to stage an upcoming picket of the Pope's visit to NYC.

Shirley also joked about some coverage they'd just received in China, and agreed with me that the American news media is pretty damn pitiful.

I'd seen several of Shirley's appearances on talk shows, news shows, and documentaries. What surprised me the most was that, without fail, every interviewer thought that they could either:

A. Trick her about scripture.
B. Get Shirley to renounce her own actions.

Both tacts are not just silly, they're not good journalism.

One look at the Westboro Church website will show you that the Phelps clan have the Bible memorized backwards and forwards. Far more than any stuffed shirt pundit on Fox News.

The Phelps literally believe every word of the Bible. And whenever there's any interpretation required, they've got the smarts to interpret it in a way that fits their beliefs. Five of Fred Phelps' children are licensed attorneys. Some people might think they're whackos, but they're educated whackos.

They know biblical history, the history of world religions, the origins of various theologies...simply put, they know their stuff, and they believe their stuff.

Anyone who believes that the bible is the literal Word of God is going to have a tough time debating the Phelps about their message of hate. Trust me. People far more learned than Tyra Banks (on whose talk show Shirley appeared) have tried.
I don't believe in a literal interpretation of the bible. I'm an Episcopalian -- a gay Episcopalian. Which, Shirley joked after I informed her of this: "is redundant." (Punctuated, of course, by a smiley face.)

Once I accepted that Shirley Phelps and her family passionately believe in something that I don't, I realized that other than the whole "God Hates Fags" gospel, she and I have a lot in common.

We continued to exchange emails, discovering that our husbands share the same first name. We joked that they are saints for putting up with everything Shirley and I put them through. I learned that her sister, also a hatemonger, ironically collects smiley faces. Since I believe that the Phelps should be seen and heard as often as possible to help the overall GLBT cause, I invited Shirley and her family to stay at my farm in upstate New York should she ever need to picket in Albany. She told me that her daughter would love to visit a farm and has been lobbying to get chickens for their yard. I suggested a breed, and Shirley forwarded the link to her daughter.

If anyone read our email exchanges they would walk away shaking their head in confusion. The world's most virulent homophobe chatting with a columnist for America's largest gay publication.

But that's how the world works. A "doomed" world, Shirley would no doubt add.

Shirley believes that God Hates Me, and that's Fine By Me. She isn't gonna hurt me, trick me into thinking she's "tolerant," or...and this is important...make me believe in the same thing she does. She's just telling me what she believes to be the truth, and making jokes about cooking chickens who've become pets.

I believe that Americans hate hate. And the more Shirley and her gospel of homophobic hate are exposed, the more friends GLBT Americans make. I want Shirley's message out there, and so does she. For different reasons. But it just might be the strangest win-win situation I've ever been a part of.

I do not like that the Phelps picket funerals. I feel tremendous pity and pain for their victims. But I cannot stop the Phelps. No one can. It is a price we pay for religious freedom and the First Amendment. If I could say anything to the grieving victims of the Phelps' pickets, I would promise them that most everyone in the world believes that the Phelps' message of hate is pure evil. Any belief is only as strong as the feelings behind it -- and there are millions more people who believe in love.
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