News! News! Update for Gay After Marriage Weekend Workshop: Because of the unprecedented demand for the March, 2008 workshop for married women, I have scheduled another workshop for the weekend of June 7 & 8, 2008. The details are the same as those in the brochure for the March workshop, except for dates.  If you are able to plan ahead, I want to give early notice of the workshop so that all interested women will be able to attend.   We capped the March workshop at 30 women, adding a few who were on a waiting list.  I know that many women apparently waited to register for this workshop because there seemed to be plenty of time. I had no idea that it would fill up a full month in advance.  So, I hope I will able to include everyone who wants to participate at this next workshop in June.  On the bright side...you will be coming to Philadelphia when the weather should be beautiful.   Please email me for the June brochure and registration form: Joanne@lavendervisions.com Some thoughts about LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS On the Ask Joanne message board someone wrote in about a recent show with singer, K.D. Lang. A comment made by K.D. referenced her relationship with a woman that ended after 7 years. She commented that this isn’t bad, given the track record of life long lesbian relationships. My Response: I love KD Lang!! And I'm really sorry she's feeding into the fears and mythology about the instability of lesbian relationships. I think that there are many reasons women who are LLLs (life long lesbians) may struggle even more than we "heterosexuals" who come out later. They often experienced themselves as outsiders at some of the most difficult early and adolescent stages of childhood development. This experience can effect one's self esteem and trust regarding intimate relationships. Even those of us who may have suspected a difference at a younger age, still lived our lives as if we were the same, with all the heterosexual privileges. Gays and lesbians often take a bit longer to settle into permanent couplehood because we have to go through a coming out period- changing our internal and external identities. Once we get through these transitions, we must then begin to go through the stages of adolescence of gay life- experimenting with new relationships and new sexual experiences. If you manage to complete those rocky passages, we ultimately have the same kinds of problems that occur in any long term relationship. When we evaluate the longevity of heterosexual relationships, we don’t generally include the many dating/courtship relationships- we just look at marriages. When we examine lesbian relationships, we tend to include all relationships because we don’t have a clear separation between courtship and “marriage” (we don’t have legalized marriage in most places). In both gay and straight relationships, there comes a time when serious work is required to handle the inherent deeper issues. In my own life, perhaps because I am in a long term relationship, I have friends whose relationships are all beyond 10 years, and mostly closer to 20 years and more. Every one of us has encountered times when our relationships felt shaky and required some serious work. In my therapy practice I see many lesbian couples, and I have witnessed that if BOTH partners are willing to do the work when those times arise, the relationship will be long lasting and deeper than most, whether gay or straight. Joanne Joanne Fleisher, LCSW www.lavendervisions.com Visit all previous newsletters: http://web.mac.com/joannefleisher1/iWeb/newsletters/joanne%27s_previous_newsletters.htmlmailto:Joanne@lavendervisions.comhttp://www.lavendervisions.comhttp://web.mac.com/joannefleisher1/iWeb/newsletters/joanne%27s_previous_newsletters.htmlshapeimage_2_link_0shapeimage_2_link_1shapeimage_2_link_2