June, 08 Reflections
 
 
I'm challenged by the dark side of my work. My clients who discovered their attractions to women after marriage carry such sadness as they face the potential break-up of their families. As a trained family therapist used to working to save marriages, I must witness women's pain over breaking their marriage vows and hurting their spouses, children, parents and family. Their lives are both isolated and tumultuous, as they face the prospect of leaving and hurting other people. Coming out as bisexual or lesbian raises ethical questions that are more complex than those of a single woman. For the married woman, coming out is a family affair. Other people's lives are directly affected by their pursuit of happiness and peaceful fulfillment. I ask myself, along with most women in this situation, how do you work your way out of the darkness to transcend this suffering? There has to be a strong reason why good, caring people would pursue this path. The answers, I've discovered, are not all rational or pragmatic. There is something energetic about this course of discovery and transcendence. We need to look toward higher, often intuitive, ways of knowing ourselves that are quite separate from problem solving. We are challenged to listen to different aspects of ourselves than we have before. Workshops for married women sometimes magnify the ingredients that lead to transformation. The power of connection with other women with similar struggles becomes an emergent point for change. Gradually there is an opening, people begin to feel the power of the collective human spirit to know itself. Even in the midst of the pain, people begin to understand that when this difficult course is right for the individual, healing is allowed to happen. In the workshops and other places women network, a sense of excitement develops when women feel authentic connections with other women. This experience of the present offers a glimpse of what is possible for the future. When I periodically ask myself why am I doing this line of work, I often receive a sign--an email, a grateful comment from a client, or an observation of someone who’s changed. Looking back at my own process, when the darkness lifted, I made a promise that I would work to open myself to experience ALL of the emotions of life. I spent too many years cut off and constrained. Life is a gift and I determined to live it to the fullest. Joanne Fleisher www.lavendervisions.com Philadelphia, PA 215 248-0844 joanne's_previous_newsletters http://www.lavendervisions.comjoanne%27s_previous_newsletters.htmlshapeimage_1_link_0shapeimage_1_link_1
This newsletter will be the last for this summer.  I will be taking a break for the next two months.  
 
I welcome your emails always- your questions and feedback are important to me.
 
I will be available as always for telephone consultations and therapy in my Philadelphia office.
 
The Philadelphia married women’s support group is ongoing and will accept new members as space opens in the group.
 
Visit my web site, www.lavendervisions.com for  resources and new programs
 
Have a wonderful summer!
Reflections On My Work  
With Married Women Coming Out In Marriage