Lessons from Breaking Open
 
 
I work daily with people in crisis: married women awakening to their love for women, couples who have loved deeply and now wonder if that is enough to maintain a successful relationship, people of all kinds facing losses...the list goes on. For my clients, for myself, I seek teachings that deepen our understanding of the mysteries of the human spirit to rise above our adversities. If you feel you are falling apart, cast adrift on the waters of pain and confusion, you are facing one of life’s transformational moments. You are “broken open,” as the title of Elizabeth Lesser’s book of essays suggests. And in that openness comes an opportunity for new awakenings that can change your life in wondrous and dramatic ways. I recently read this most extraordinary book, that addresses Lesser’s life changes and the ways that she found courage and a rekindling of the joys of life. With her permission, I’d like to share some of her thoughts about the “Phoenix Process,” her name for the journey of descent to the bottom of a loss to the discovery of the true self and inner peace. “You and I are the Phoenix Process. We too can reproduce ourselves from the shattered pieces of difficult time. Our lives ask us to die and to be reborn every time we confront change--change within ourselves and change in our world. When we descend all the way down to the bottom of a loss, and dwell patiently, with an open heart, in the darkness and pain, we can bring back up with us the sweetness of life and the exhilaration of inner growth. When there is nothing left to lose, we find the true self--the self that is whole, the self that is enough, the self that no longer looks to others for definition, or completion, or anything but companionship on the journey. This is the way to live a meaningful and hopeful life--a life of real happiness and inner peace. This is the Phoenix Process. To start a fire you need a spark--an ember, or a match, or the steady and stressful rubbing of one object over another. Once the fire is ignited, you need a different sort of heat to turn the flames of adversity into the wisdom of a Phoenix Process. We all experience change and loss throughout our lives--through big and dramatic life-quakes and in smaller, more habitual ways. It takes work to use crisis and stress as vehicles for transformation... The Phoenix Process is a journey that is different for everyone, and therefore it is a trek into uncharted territory. It is erroneous, and even unhelpful, to compare one person’s journey with another’s--all are different, and one is not more profound or important than another. The most momentous situation--the loss of a child, a serious illness, a national tragedy--has the power to transform one’s life, but so do less traumatic events. It’s all in the way we approach the changing nature of life; it’s all in the courage to say yes to whatever comes our way; it’s in the way we listen for the messages in the flames and dig for the treasure in the ashes. Each one of us, regardless of our situation, is looking for the same treasure in the ashes. We are in search of our most authentic, vital, generous, and wise self. What stands between that self and us is what burns in the fire. Our illusions, our rigidity, our fear, our blame, our lack of faith, and our sense of separation: All of these--in varying strengths and combinations--are what must die in order for a more true self to arise. If we want to turn a painful event into a Phoenix Process, we must name what needs to burn within us...Some people realize what must burn in the fire is their fear--fear of their own power, fear of change, fear of loss, fear of others. Some people name an inability to feel, a crippling cynicism, a sense of shame, a stance of anger.” Lesser writes in Broken Open stories about herself and other women and men she has known who survived unbelievable challenges, taking from their experiences a sense of strength and openness. I know the importance of bearing witness to other people’s journeys. This was one way that I gathered courage for myself in my process of coming out in marriage. Later in life, when faced with a painful relationship break-up and again with a serious illness in a loved one, I deepened my belief that there is always a nugget of gold to be found hidden somewhere in the midst of the chaos. In this, my faith constantly grows stronger. Be well. In peace, Joanne Joanne @lavendervisions.com Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow by Elizabeth Lesser Villard Books, NY 2005 joanne's_previous_newslettersjoanne%27s_previous_newsletters.htmlshapeimage_1_link_0
Current Offerings:
 
In Philadelphia:
 
Individual and Couples Therapy
 
Support Groups for Married Women Who Love Women
Tuesday PM Group
Wednesday PM Group
(both groups meet every other week)
 
Phone Consultations
Available for married women or men who are coming out in marriage and their partners
For couples
For individuals who are facing any life transition
 
Contact
Joanne Fleisher
215 248-0844
Joanne@lavendervisions.
com
 
Is this catastrophe or revolution of the soul?