“If I hear that one more time,” he growled. “That cracks me up. All the time...I hear that all the time. From complete strangers...I’ve had complete strangers walk up to me and tell me how inspiring it is to see me out. What does that mean? What am I supposed to do, sit in the house crying?” He shook his head. “It cracks me up. It cracks me up when somebody comes up to me saying you inspire me. A person in a wheelchair inspires you. How does that work?”

He continued, “What inspires me is somebody I look up to and think, I want to be like them. That’s inspiring. But no, it’s the truth, you know. I’ve had drunk people tell me it. I’ve had sober people tell me it.”

CJ nodded his head toward the parking lot outside the window where we sat. “I’m going to run that guy over in my wheelchair and make him handicapped for sure.”

I looked as an able bodied man, perhaps in his 30s, stepped out of his shiny Mercedes. He was parked in the handicap zone in spite of the fact there were open spaces in the rows just behind him.

CJ chuckled, “He walks slow. I guess that’s his handicap.”

I asked if there were other things that annoyed him. “Acne,” and we both laughed at that. “Looking for a curb cutout. Assholes who park in the handicapped spots!” He roared and other customers looked up from their espressos.

“Oh, that annoys me! That’s one thing that annoys me probably the most. Let’s see, what else? Dirty hands, because you’re rolling in crap all the time. People who dump their coffee out on the pavement. People who spit.”

He rattled on, “No, I’l tell you what annoys me. People that think they know what you’re going through. If I have one more person come up to me and say, ‘Oh man, I know what you’re going through. I broke my leg and had crutches.’ Yeah, you almost know what I’m going through. Pretty close, jeeze! People that think they know what I’m going through because they have pain in their low back. You retard! Who cares if your back hurts? Shut up! Try sticking a tube up your dick six times a day!”

Handicapped Parking