Scott and I went to a banquet where a scholarship endowment was given in our names.  I was so happy we were able to go.  Scott was in a good mood, mainly because he was trusted to go into public.  And he did very well; although, we didn’t stay long.  We also went to church Wednesday night, a prayer service.  It was a group of people that knew us from having prayed for us after the accident.  It was a pleasant surprise.  And Scott really enjoyed it.  Again, we didn’t stay for the whole thing though.  But it is a baby step.

 

So...now we come to the title of my post, “What is Recovery?”  Well...I know that Scott will be different than before.  I don’t know if that will be good or bad.  I imagine that it will be both.  I hope I can see the good and accept the bad.  

 

But what do I want?  I want him to be happy, loved, and feel like he is leading a productive and fulfilled life.  I want that for myself too.  

 

And what does that mean?  I am not sure.  I guess it means having people to love, having something to do that you enjoy and makes you feel useful,  and having someplace where you feel is home.  

 

Scott is depleted in all of those areas right now.  We both are.  We have each other, but really cannot “connect” due to the injury.  It is more like a mother/child relationship at this point.  I hope that it will grow to be more equal and I think it will.   Also, we need others.   But it is so hard right now...we are making that step slowly.  But Scott’s social skills are very inconsistent and he is very easily made anxious (his teeth literally chatter).   His brain just cannot process enough information quickly enough and then it just “short circuits” and it is NOT PRETTY!  

 

And Scott has always been a very busy man.  He can’t stand it to sit still.  But the things he wants to do, he can’t.  And most of the time they don’t even make sense.  But he does like to do chores.  It makes him feel like he is doing his part.  And he does them well, which the doctor told us means that he is recovering.  And I am trying to get him a hobby.  He likes to draw.  And I teach art, so we have a perfect combination.  It also helps his brain too.  But now I’ve got to get him doing it on his own.  Hopefully, as Scott’s abilities improve his range of hobbies and work will expand.  

 

And do I feel productive?  Not really.   I don’t participate in any of my old hobbies and I am barely teaching now.  

 

And then there is a place to call “home”.   You would think this wouldn’t be a problem.  We have a home, right?  We built it!!  But the problem is that it is not practical to be there most of the time.  So, we have this 500 square foot apartment with some noisy neighbor that blares the base on his stereo all the time.  

 

So...we are in limbo.  I would like to start rebuilding a life for us, but I want Scott to be part of the process.  But we just have to “hang in there” as they keep telling us!