Are you in a book club?

Choose MOTO for your book group and receive:

1. •One (1) free, signed copy* (while supplies last)
   

2. •a Q&A session w/ Janna (via phone, skype, or in person)
   

3. •and a book club convo that might go something like this
   (if you’re lucky enough to have a group as witty as mine):
   

*All YOU need to do is:

1. •Send me an email about your group.
   

2. •Pick a date for your meeting (with or without me--your choice).
   

3. •Afterward send me a photo or audio/video clip of your club discussing my book so I can share it with the world.
   

In other news...

Scroll down or follow links to:

1. •discussion questions (uncut version)
   

2. •author Q & A (uncut version)
   

3. •book club activities
   

4. •photos
   

5. •recipes
   

For Discussion

(Note: Questions 1-7 are included in the book. Questions 8-12 are bonus!)

1.The book opens with the author thinking her husband is an asshole, but after they survive a small calamity together, she says she's never felt so in love. When have you experienced this sort of flip-flop of emotions about a loved one? Throughout the story, how does Janna reveal both the positive and negative aspects of marriage? Of her husband? Of herself?

2.When looking at the mint color of the walls in her foyer, Janna says, "those little color squares are cruel jokes; they trick you into thinking you know what you're getting when really you never can tell." Is this an apt metaphor for choosing a life partner? Why or why not? What can prepare us to make this monumental decision? How does one choose the One?

3.Throughout the book Janna demonstrates that she finds it difficult to be on time or do tasks in a timely manner—she is a "Pokey Person." Graeme, on the other hand, is "one of those super-efficient so-called humans who gets twice as much done in half as much time." What are the pluses and minuses of these approaches to time? What kind of person are you when it comes to time, and how does this affect your relationships?

4.The pink and blue division of labor challenges Janna’s sense of worth aboard Dragonfly and raises questions about her new role as wife. How do the pink and blue play out in your own life? Do these divisions impact your sense of worth as they did Janna’s, or do you instead identify with the attitudes of Janna’s cruising girlfriends? Explain.

5.At the outset of their trip, Janna wonders if marriage is about agreeing to drink only from the relationship’s cup and being satisfied with whatever sustenance it offers. By the end of the voyage, however, she argues for a couple’s need for otherness in order to thrive in their togetherness. Do you agree with this? Why or why not? How does a couple build otherness while staying close and committed?

6.What does Janna mean when she says, “It’s the space between, the getting from point A to point B, that terrifies and teaches us the most”? How is this sentiment borne out in both the actual and figurative crossings that Graeme and Janna experience on their journey? What do they learn about themselves and their relationship in these spaces between? Identify some of your own crossings from one stage of life to another and how you met the challenges of the space between—whether it be between a new and old self, or between you and a loved one.

7.Back at home in Seattle, Janna says that what matters is "not the what but the how"—that one can have an extraordinary existence no matter how ordinary one's life appears. How is this philosophy true or false? What is your own big, hairy, audacious goal? What have you done or might you do to pursue it?

Bonus questions:

8.On the crossing, when sea and sky are ever constant yet always changing, Janna observes that “there’s also a monotony in marriage that’s equally delightful and dangerous.” What does she mean by this phrase? What were some of the dangerous and delightful moments for Graeme and Janna while at sea? Were they able to make peace with this tension between extremes? Why or why not? How do you think this idea of staying attentive despite—or because of—monotony can help you to re-envision the moments in your own life?

9.Once in French Polynesia, Janna and Graeme "mark the passage" by getting tattoos together. How does this help them make sense of their ocean crossing and their first year as a married couple? Are anniversaries (birthdays, weddings, new years) important to you as a way to reflect on or celebrate the passage of time? Why or why not? What sorts of ceremonies or events help you mark your own passage through life?

10. Graeme and Janna’s reactions to their engagement, approaches to sailing, and experiences along the way reveal that they often hold completely different views of the exact same event. How do these diverging perspectives strain and/or enhance their relationship? When has your experience of an event totally diverged from someone else’s? How did you react when you realized you weren’t on the same wavelength? What did you take away from the interaction?

11. Janna believes that their sailing honeymoon is a test of their boat, their seamanship, and their relationship. Do you think that Graeme would agree with this assessment? Why or why not? How else might Janna have viewed their honeymoon and the challenges they encountered along the way? If their journey is a test, how would you evaluate their success and/or failure?

12. Discuss the pros and cons of Janna’s notion of the One, Graeme’s anti-One thesis, and Frits’s Green Box Theory of Love. Whose idea of love is most in line with your view? Why? Do you have your own personal theory of love? If yes, what is it and how have you developed this theory?

A Conversation with Janna Cawrse Esarey

(Note: Questions 1-7 are included in the book. Questions 8-11 are bonus!)

1. You present your depression in a very straightforward manner in this memoir. Was that deliberate? Have you always struggled with depression and do you continue to struggle with it? What would you recommend to readers who see parallels in their experiences of depression?

I wanted to be frank about my experience with depression because when we keep things hush-hush, we endow them with more power than they already have. Dangerous. My depression has visited me since high school, dropping in now and then like an uninvited houseguest, but it doesn’t define me. My strategy is to talk about it to a friend or loved one, or—if it keeps banging on the door—a professional. And, yes, I still deal with it. In fact, one of the many factors in our decision to come home was a bout of pre-baby blues in Hong Kong, which made me worry I might later have post-partum depression (thankfully, I didn’t). I didn’t mention this in the epilogue because it felt like a can of worms. But, since you ask, there go the worms.

2. You explored the question of what can and cannot be fulfilled by one’s partner and determined that it’s best to diversify how one’s needs are met. Has your thinking about this changed the longer you’ve been married?

Core needs must be met within the partnership; otherwise it’s not a partnership. With the chaos of kids, though, connecting with Graeme can go by the wayside. But one of the best gifts I can give my girls is to stay deeply in love with their dad. Often this is accomplished by spending more time with him. Sometimes it’s friend-time or alone-time. Being my best mom self means taking regular time away from my children. Paradoxical but true.

3. What were the challenges you encountered as you strove to tell your story? What did you leave out that you wished you could have included in the memoir?

In terms of writing, the biggest challenge was the insane schedule—drafting a chapter a week—while piecing together childcare for a toddler. There’s a reason juggle rhymes with struggle. Also, I got the green-light to write this book literally the same week I conceived my second daughter, so I wrote my memoir while pregnant, which is a small miracle considering how a pregnant woman’s brain shrinks in inverse proportion to her belly growing (at least it feels that way). I delivered my book-baby just a few weeks before I delivered my real baby, and then I was typing edits in between—and sometimes even during—nursing sessions. In fact, my youngest is sitting on my lap, mauling a monkey rattle as I type this.

In terms of story, I found it very difficult to edit my life down to a single storyline. I mean, just think of the myriad things you do, think, feel, say, hear, and see on any given day. Your day is like a quilt square with a very busy pattern. And if you sew that together with another seven-hundred-some-odd crazy quilt squares, you’ve got the fabric from two years of life. So I had to extract a single, solitary thread, stretching diagonally from one corner of my quilt to the other, to have a story that was short and coherent enough for anyone besides my mom to read. Think of all that left-over fabric—days and months, ports and storms, best friends and entire countries—undulating out beyond that thread. It almost gives me a yucky-stomach feeling thinking of everything I had to leave out (e.g., Sorry, Central America, you didn’t make the cut). But I feel better when I remind myself that my book is a single thread from my life. It’s not my actual life.

4. You introduced us to a whole community of cruisers, particularly women. Do you still maintain contact with the women you met on your voyage? What can you tell us about these sailing women and their approach to living such a unique life?

We keep in touch with cruising friends mostly via email. Some are still cruising. Most are not. That’s the thing about big adventures; they don’t have to last forever, and when you return to your old life it’s with renewed vigor. My best girlfriend from cruising (who doesn’t even appear in the book) is the perfect example. She was a high-powered, burning-out businesswoman. One night, while watching Dawson’s Creek reruns, she saw that episode where Pacey and Joey sail into the sunset. My friend thought, Hey! if they can do it, so can I. The next day she googled “sailboat crew” and signed on for a voyage across the Pacific. She ended up having a wonderful romance with the captain of the sailboat she was on. When my girlfriend returned, she easily found another job, which totally disproves the idea that stepping off the treadmill for a year or two means you won’t be able to get back on. In fact, I think she’d say that sabbaticalism makes for happier, more productive people. Makes me wonder what her next adventure will be…

5. In your role as a writer, you seem to have zeroed in on the complexities of women’s lives as they strive to balance love, family, work, friends, and self. What continue to be the prevailing concerns for the women you encounter and the unique strategies they employ to stay grounded in their lives?

Now isn’t this the question? I mean, who doesn’t struggle with balance when we have so many competing priorities? And just when I think I have a semblance of balance, life goes and changes on me!

One of my girlfriends says the problem is we women think we can have it all—since that’s what we’ve been told—when really we can’t. So women try to be the perfect worker, wife, mother, daughter, sibling, neighbor, housekeeper, cook, hostess, friend, and lover—all while looking fabulous. In trying to do everything, and to perfection, we drive ourselves nuts and/or end up feeling like we’re doing nothing well enough. Men, in contrast, (according to my friend) cherry-pick a few roles and don’t throw their backs/psyches out trying to do them perfectly. I’d be curious to know what others think about this theory.

As for me, I’m loathe to admit I can’t have it all. But I have come to realize that I can’t have it all at the same time. So I suppose my strategy—and that of my girlfriends—is to prioritize what matters most to each of us right now, and then let a whole mess of stuff slide. For me this means: I don’t shower much; our oh-shit drawer is now an oh-shit room; I don’t read my mail as often as I should; and our neighbors are usually the ones to wheel in our recycling bins, for which I hereby publicly thank them.

What keeps the women in my life grounded? That’s easy. Each other.

6. What advice would you offer those inspired by The Motion of the Ocean to tackle their own big, hairy, audacious goals?

Take good notes! And share your B-HAG on my website. If you’re blogging about it—which by all means you should—leave a link so others can follow you on your journey.

7. What is on deck for you and your family’s next B-HAG?

My personal B-HAG is to finish that novel I’m so scared to write. Our family B-HAG is to cruise again—with kids this time. And Graeme’s and my B-HAG is to make love last. Forever.

Bonus questions:

8. You pay close attention to how our own particular lenses give us a biased view of the world. How do you think this memoir would have been different had Graeme written it? What do you think would have been some of his central questions or concerns?

If Graeme had written this book, it would have been about the weather and the sea and anchoring and sailing tactics and the ninety-nine uses of 5200 (his favorite marine epoxy). He would have included insightful anecdotes about the places we visited—he’s a very good writer—and maybe a charming tale or two about love. But nothing about our relationship’s doldrums. Nada about sex. That said, Graeme did have veto power, so this is a certified, Graeme-approved book, even if it is nothing like the one he would have written.

9. You discovered your purpose as a writer on this honeymoon voyage. How do you think your life would have been different had you not discovered your love for writing? Do you think your finding a purpose in life is in any way related to your notion of finding the One in love? Why or why not?

Several years before our trip, I told one of my oldest friends that I thought I might want to be a writer. I was really embarrassed telling her this because I thought it was such a ridiculous, impossible dream. My friend rolled her eyes and said, “Sheesh, Janna, you’ve always wanted to be a writer. Don’t you see that?” Of course, I had no idea. So I guess I feel like I was bound to discover and rediscover and ultimately pursue my love for writing eventually. It just took the right timing—sort of like Graeme and me. Thank goodness I rediscovered writing on the boat, though, because otherwise I think I would have struggled even more with my role afloat.

But your question implies something more significant, more fascinating, too—namely, is there some One calling out there for each of us? I don’t know. I’d like to think that everyone has something, many things actually, that makes them feel alive and useful and challenged and fulfilled. Writing does this for me in an intense, daily way, but other things ignite me too (teaching, making my daughters laugh, annual road trips with my mom). When it comes down to it, I think Graeme is right. We have to make our life the One we want every day, whether by pursuing a capital-P Purpose or by cultivating a certain attitude toward the little-p purposes that pepper our days. What’s that wonderful Annie Dillard saying?—“How we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives.”

10. One of the most dramatic moments in the story is when you and Graeme choose to continue with the wedding and the honeymoon in spite of his mother’s cancer. Did you continue to struggle with this choice on the trip? What did it mean to you and Graeme for his mother to give you her blessing? What would you like your readers to understand about that choice?

First of all, my mother-in-law’s support meant the world to us—literally, because we got to go explore it. But she’ll probably laugh at the idea that she provided drama in our tale; she is the most undramatic, down-to-earth person I know. At the same time, she’s a huge dreamer and doer (like moving to Taiwan to teach English after her kids had flown the coop). For her—and, therefore, for us—abandoning big dreams was not an option. For one, she would have felt horribly if we’d changed our plans. And for two, she was looking forward to visiting us in Mexico just as much as we were looking forward to sailing there. Vickie’s cancer was a palpable reminder to live our dreams relentlessly.

11. You have a pretty active life online as a blogger on “Happily Even After” for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer (http://blog.seattlepi.com/happilyevenafter). What have you gained from writing in such an environment where feedback is often immediate and potentially strident? What have been some of its challenges and benefits?

It’s no fun when people tell me how stupid and lame I am. That happens, and it stinks. Blogging is a also challenge for me because it’s supposed to be quick and short and off-the-cuff. I’m slow and long-winded and perfectionistic. And so blogging is good for me. It pushes me and my writing, and it definitely helped hone my voice for this book. But my favorite thing about blogging is how an authentic conversation can develop. I have readers who leave comments that are way more articulate—sometimes even longer—than the posts they’re responding to. These people have become virtual buddies, online think-mates, a web of people striving for balance and connection. I love and appreciate that.

Book Club Activities

1.Janna discusses her excitement in teaching “Meditation 17” by John Donne because of its message about the connectedness of humanity. Read “Meditation 17” below and discuss the questions after. It’s helpful to know that 1) church bells were rung as a call to worship and also when someone died, and 2) the essay opens with Donne on his sickbed, realizing he’s so ill that the bell he hears could actually be for himself. http://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/donne/meditation17.php

a.Beyond its theme about the connectedness of humanity, what other major themes do you see in this essay?

b.Janna reimagines humans as islands because of the changeable nature of our connections with each other. Do you agree with her reformed opinion that we may in fact be more like islands than pieces of a continent?

c.What resonates with you as you read this passage?

d.The phrase, “if by this consideration of another's danger, I take mine own into contemplation, and so secure myself,” suggests that we may gain insight into our own personal stories as we consider others’. What do you think you will take away from your reading of The Motion of the Ocean? What has it revealed to you about your life, the goals you have achieved, and those you still wish to accomplish?

2.Listen to Janna and Graeme’s love song (“The Rock Song”) with your book club.

a.How does hearing the song differ from reading about it in the book? Now that you know Graeme and Janna’s entire love story, what meanings can you unearth from specific lines and images?

b.What does the song underscore about the nature of Graeme and Janna’s relationship?

c.Members challenge: Everyone has a love story, so why not a love song? Write your own verse or two to describe an important relationship in your life. Share the verse and, of course, your own love story with each other.

3.Cooking for your group? Here are some easy recipes (besides Top Ramen) that Janna and Graeme enjoyed aboard Dragonfly.