Caution!

The information contained in this broadsheet can cause extreme changes in perception and behavior.  Side effects include a permanent alteration in attitudes toward foodstuffs, compulsive examination of raw vegetables and occasional outbursts of uncontrollable chortling.

Experimentation with the procedures described hereupon have been known to causes otherwise normal people to spend hours in front of vegetable bins examining the produce minutely; evaluating items for density, straightness, and other non-culinary qualities. 

Unsympathetic friends, family members and grocery clerks may deem this obsessive behavior suspect, eccentric or even objectionable.  Be strong.

Additional Warning!

Excessive indulgence in experimentation may lead to the wasting of food!  Take care to not produce more than you can consume.  Preserve your instruments only as long as they are delectable.  Used instruments are best served cooked.  Eat your mistakes!