I had a productive weekend.

At the start of it I was prepared to blog all about L.A.’s smog, and how it relates to my own fog that I seem to be in. I’ve been trying to figure out how best to proceed, how to find that needle in this big tinsel haystack.

I hear voices. Some are real/external and some come from the depths of my brain. (It can be quite difficult to discern the two so most of the time I don’t bother.) On Friday(ish) a voice said “You have to just get out there. Dive in.” Saturday it was joined by another clearer voice, “Don’t hold back. Don’t over-analyze every situation. Don’t be shy. You’re standing in a spot where lots of things (people, opportunities) are coming at you, from all sides. Take them. Decide later if they’re going to take you places that you want to go. You never know!”

Just then, the fog started lifting.

To one friend, I put it this way:  “The anxiety is diminishing, as I come to understand that my life is and will be considerably different than the previous 9-to-5 model. Right now I'm focusing on grabbing any/every opportunity that comes my way. Tonight, I was invited to go to the closing night of the Gay/Lesbian film festival (something with Tori Spelling in it) and closing party afterward. Opportunities.”

And to another friend,

My “Plan” is no longer concerned with the day-to-day as much as an overall methodology. My map is no longer about where I need to be at any given time, but how my direction is ruddered by an actual list of personal and professional values. With foot firmly on the gas pedal, I need only be concerned with course-correction, trusting implicitly that Point B is not only inevitable, but will be exactly what I’ve been looking for.

As the fog swirls out of the way, another decision emerges: What do I want to do? Do I seek a job working for someone, or be my own boss? Or some combination? In all the haze I didn’t really notice the fence I was still perched on. I think such a decision will be helped along by the value system mentioned above, but also reliant upon a deepening of my faith, faith that not only do I have the talent and the skills (I really believe the two are mutually exclusive), but also faith that the universe can/will provide me exactly what I need and want.

There’s my homework. Moving forward.