my little secret

my little secret

I have a problem.

I don’t believe there is a 12-step program for it, nor has any major pharmaceutical company developed a helpful drug. I’m fairly certain that my ailment does not have a proper name, either.

So I’ll name it: I have If-I-Knit-Only-One-Thing-At-A-Time-No-Matter-How-Interesting-The-Pattern-I-Will-Attempt-To-Remove-My-Eyeballs-With-Coffee-Spoons-itis.

Please do not confuse this with ADD. Attention Deficit Disorder is a condition fabricated by overworked soccer moms whose children are acting (oh, the horror!) child-like.

Under normal circumstances, those afflicted with IIKOOTAATNMHITPIWATRMEWCS-itis (catchy, no?) simply have more than one project on the needles at a time. This is a good thing!

Unfortunately, I promised my husband a sweater. Soon.
Here’s the progress on the Jarrett so far:

I dutifully cast on, knit 24 rows of 1x1 ribbing over 123 stitches, started the stockinette... and found myself in the corner, beating my head against the wall muttering “needles are pointy, needles are pointy” over and over and over.

I am simply incapable of working one project at a time. I am dying to finish this sweater for my husband (the first thing I’ve ever knit for him), but unless I have a secret little project going on the side, I’m afraid I might fling the sweater into the alley behind my house, stomp on it a few times, let out a resounding evil laugh (of the mwa-ha-ha variety) and never knit again.

So I cast on this:

It’s the Branching Out scarf from Knitty. I’ve been eyeing this pattern for quite a while, and I decided that it’s finally time to take it to dinner (I’ll let you know when I finally get it back to my place - I bet it’s fantastic in the sack). I’m using GGH Soft Kid, for which I harbor a mildly worrisome fantasy that involves rolling around in it naked. It’s a gorgeous pattern, and I love it so far. I can’t wait to block the hell out of it.

And at the very least, it has saved my poor Jarrett from a life among rats, floating soggily through the sewers of Chicago.

I have always loved haikus. They are little poems of three lines. The first has five syllables, the second seven, and the third five again. Typically they make some mention of nature. I hate nature. So I leave that part out. Here are some of mine.
Feel free to submit your own.

Wherever Death is -
If you can’t take it with you
I don’t want to go.

You can’t hide a dumb
Man behind a power suit.
Really - I’ve tried it.

I poked my husband
With my needles. Was more scared
About blood on yarn.

Only the good die
Young. Or so they say. I am
Still here. Is that bad?

the knit mongrel

Tuesday, September 12, 2006