For those of you who were at the Beaver Dam party on Saturday night, you will relate to the following analogy:

"Propositions" by David Blankenhorn:

"But now comes a wonderful study on adult male elephants, recently reported in Nature magazine. Between 1992 and 1997, 17 young, orphaned male elephants, whose parents had been killed in herd cullings, were relocated to a park in Pilanesberg, South Africa. They promptly started acting, well, wild. In particular, they went into musth - a hormonally induced state of heightened sexual and aggressive activity - earlier than is normal, and for longer periods of time than is normal. As a result, the young males stormed around the park, quite out of control, killing about 40 white rhinoceros in the process.

Then, in 1998, the people who run the park relocated six older bull elephants from Kruger Park to Pilanesburg. The deviant behavior of the young males, the researchers report, was quickly rectified. No more rampaging, no more dead rhinoceros. What happened? Specifically, there occurred a significant reduction in musth in the young males. Put colloquially, their hormones calmed down. And why did this occur? More research is needed, but it seems clear that old bulls keep young bulls in line, and that exactly how this happens involves both social and physiological factors. "

The young bull at Beaver Dam was indeed a bully. The popular word is that he provokes hostility at any social opportunity. The Hawk Road was witness to the events of Saturday night, and has declared that date a time of reverence, a time to recognize that Good has overcome the pressures of Unnecessary Meanness. To say that the young bull "got served" may be biased, but surely a clear line was drawn in the sand. The young bull challenged the old bull and, as the old man used to say, "the wiser bull will always stand tall". With a quick outburst, the young bull lunged, but was quickly tossed over the balcony and pounced on by the old bull. When given the opportunity during a half-mount, the old bull chose not to physically punish the young bull, and declared that by showing mercy the young bull was shamed, hormonal problem or not. The young bull tried to reconcile, taking the older bull aside to apologize...but there were other older bulls, and they protested that to deny the young bull's appeal was to make an important point to the 80 by-standers: Young hormonal elephants who decide to bring tension to the pasture will be dealt with swiftly and ruthlessly, in the name of Happiness and Drunken Bliss.

The Hawk Road has received a large amount of mail in a short amount of time regarding this subject, and the popular opinion is that the young bull was a large bull who was never confronted by the smaller members of his age group, and consequently grew a tumour-like ego over the years. The Hawk Road must declare that the young punk got punked, and that for once a harmless but important lesson prevailed outside of Hollywood.

In a separate feel-good occurance, Sunday's "Survivor" brought the Spring-time to the forefront, showing that compassion can still reveal itself through a television. We'll have to wait until the Fall to see if prime-time TV can carry on its current streak of moral-inducing network screenplays, but the events of Beaver Dam give us hope that, even in the real world, those who give us grief can be taught the important value of respect.

At the cost of a scratched neck and a few bite-marks, the old bull defended his pride, and the hierarchy of the pasture stood tall. In the coming months, we should all assure our fellow drinking buddies that if our Chi is messed with, if the natural balance of our Peace is interrupted, we will not stand for it. We will calmly set down our drink, look our oppressor in the eye, and tell them that this is the Summer of 2004; a time that will not tolerate assholes; a time that promotes love, not war; a time to hug and swim naked...

...and here's The Hawk Road Ramble (again, punishment for the lack of feedback from you, the reader):

Celebrating the 5000th hit on The Hawk Road, its creators felt it was necessary to point out the obvious situation we have all placed ourselves in. We have achieved an underground means of expressing ourselves, and the implications of this are more far-reaching than we know. It is more than local humour, and certainly more than an update of our humble town. The Hawk Road is a gift to those who have something to say...it is a convenient medium in which you can express your grievances or praises for your community and the people in it with the knowledge that your spoken word will be posted anonymously.

An opportunity has arrived- a chance to declare through a website that there is room to improve in the community that we alone are responsible for. Rob and Amber, in fairy-tale fashion, both became winners. So can you, Cheeseball...speak up!