5/23/03
These posts are all over the place. I know this. I don't spend a great deal of time trying to make coherent transitions from one paragraph to the next. I simply type the first thing that comes to mind. If you want clarity, clever segues and complete, well-formed ideas and opinions then create your own damn Web site (I can show you how to do it in 20 minutes).
Speaking of clothing, I'm wearing a nice linen shirt this evening. It just seems like such a waste to drape nice clothes over a body like mine. I really shouldn't knock my body. It has remained surprisingly healthy over the years despite the amount of fat and goo I've absorbed into it.
I hate to tempt the fates like that, but I really must give credit where it is due. My body has been good to me. That's all the more reason I should feel guilty about not treating it a little bit better. I read about Jon heading to gym at least three or four times a week and I think to myself, "I could at least put down this huge bottle of Sprecher Cream Soda and the accompanying slice of Debbie's banana bread (with butter) and grab a Crystal Light. That's the least I could do." So far I haven't made the connection but I think I still have some time. After 40, however, I'm clearly headed for trouble.
Sorry about the return of such a familiar theme but I am a simple creature and repetition provides comfort.
They're trying to build a new Wal-Mart Supercenter in my town. My fellow citizens have formed the "Uff-Da Wal-Mart Supercenter Committee" to combat the unstoppable Goliath that will surely chew up and spit out the charming character of our small town.
If you don't know what "Uff-Da" means some claim it's a Norwegian phrase that loosely translates into, "Oh no." The problem is nobody will go on record and say that this is indeed what "Uff-Da" means. People always precede the discussion of the derivation and definition of this saying with a disclaimer. They're never really sure if it's Norwegian and it may not mean anything at all, let alone, "Oh no."
What the hell? I suppose the mysterious nature of the phrase adds to it's cachet. The people that drop it into conversation every now and again feel special for saying it because they know you really don't know what it means. How could anybody, after all?
Anyway the slickery Wal-Mart representatives had a meeting in one of the school cafeterias last night. I was going to go, but Deb convinced me that I'd read all about it in the paper and that the local cable channel would be there taping the entire thing on their seventeen-year-old Beta camcorder. I still wanted to be there and see what kind of terror tactics the Uff-Da Wal-Mart Supercenter Committee had in store for the representatives of our nation's largest employer. I'm sure they flashed them some pretty stern looks accompanied by the appropriate harsh body language (those tightly crossed arms, narrow eyes and firm lipped mouths will buckle even the most experience corporate litigator).
I did read a little about what actually happened at the meeting. The only thing that I recall from the newspaper article is that the Wal-Mart people conceded how important a part of the community their building would become. They therefore would recommend that brick be used on portions of their location's exterior.
I'm sure the Uff-Da Wal-Mart Supercenter Committee was on the verge of disbanding after hearing a concession like that. I'm sure they were quite relieved to hear that big business really does care after all. Our town may have a Main Street full of empty shops, but who cares when there's a big brick Wal-Mart erupting out of some choice farmland on the edge of town.
So you can probably suss from all the sarcasm where I stand on the matter. My nightmare vision of urban sprawl has always included a Super Wal-Mart. There are also some Starbucks an AutoZone and a Home Depot thrown into the mix. I don't drink coffee (tastes like burnt water to me) but I'd rather stick with our little coffee shop located next to the bicycle store on Main Street. They have jazz night there. I've never been, but I like knowing that it's available to me if I ever need a little live jazz and a cappuccino habit in my life.
As for the AutoZone and Home Depot, we have little Bumper-to-Bumper that can get you anything your domestic vehicle requires (and if they can't, they can make "modifications" to parts they have in their inventory to make it fit). And the lumber company here in town may not have forty different choices for ceiling fans, but the two they do carry are tasteful and would fit with any decor.
Maybe Wal-Mart won't win after all. Maybe not this time. But they'll be back. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But soon and for the rest of my daughter's daughter's life.
I'm posting this as quickly as I can because we need to get on the road as soon as possible. Debbie is all business when it comes to road trips and the four+ hour drive time to Central Illinois always puts her in an all business mood. If I'm not packed and ready she's not happy. And if I have to spend four hours in the car right next to her, I want my wife to be happy.
Wish me luck.