I joined David Pogue’s Take Back the Beep army of frustrated cell phone customers trying to stop the wireless companies from stealing money through their useless instructions for using voice mail. Here’s the lame-ass response:

“Thank you for writing. The voice mail instructions are there to assist the many callers who may be unfamiliar with the correct prompts, including advanced options such as review or re-record message or mark urgent. However, there are steps you can take to control the length of your greeting and to speed callers through the voice mail greeting.
 
In a customized greeting, you can inform callers up front to skip the rest of the instructions by pressing *. (For example: “This is John. To skip the rest of this greeting and leave a message please press *).
 
· You can remove the last line of the instructions (“to leave a callback number, press 5” ) , by using Administrative Options in your voice mail menu.
· You can customize your greeting so it is shorter for callers.
· You can also use our automated language, inserting your name only to shorten your message.
· You can remove your voice mail feature by calling customer service.
 
Verizon Wireless is committed to satisfying our customers. We listen to our customers and appreciate any feedback on our services. Please visit verizonwireless.com http://support.vzw.com/how_to_use/basic_voice_mail.html to learn more about using our voice mail system and other Verizon Wireless features. Thank you for using Verizon Wireless.
 
I hope the information I have provided regarding voice mail message inquiry is helpful.
 
We appreciate your business and thank you for using Verizon Wireless products and services. Should you have additional questions or concerns, please reply to this e-mail.”

Let’s see:

• Who on earth needs instructions on how to leave a message? How many people really need to know how to re-record or mark a message urgent? For the few who do, MAKE THE MESSAGE OPTIONAL. I can turn it off if I don’t care to use it.
• I can remove the last line of the instructions. FAIL. I want to remove them all!
• I don’t want to use your automated language to shorten my message. I want to have MY message say what I want. I pay for it. I don’t pay for your message.
• I can remove my voice mail feature? WTF?!!?!! What kind of solution is that? I guess it will save callers since they won’t use airtime to leave a message. What an incredibly stupid, self-centered, customer-hostile solution! MAJOR FAIL.

Wake up and serve your customers, Verizon. You’ve just seriously embarrassed yourself.

Tags: Verizon Wireless, Take Back the Beep, Verizon, cell phone, fail