Forgotten newspaper found in Kentucky

    A local newspaper was found operating in a bomb shelter connected to caves and tunnels, apparently completely isolated from the outside world for decades, except for some part-time staff,who were never very talkative anyway. And the vending machine people came by on Thursdays, all business, only discussing complaints about lost change. And there was a summer intern program for high school students to earn college credit, but it’s not clear if much happened, with that.


   The surviving staff told police and social-workers various and conflicting stories about themselves, involving cannibalism, water-engines, Y2K, time-travel, pod-people, having slept for forty years, and so on. Officials speculate that they were scared into hiding by a radio broadcast of War of the Worlds, and are embarrassed to admit it.


    For whatever reasons, they believed they were the last true strand of humanity, thought they should breed, propagate the species, save the world, but none of them liked each other like that.


  Can this scrappy little hometown newspaper make a comeback? Can a confused, disoriented staff, out of touch with the modern world, arise like a Phoenix, and rebuild a vanished media empire in the information age? Industry experts say...     see “No.”   pg 37

 A Louisville newspaper long believed to be extinct has been discovered underground by a pair of off-duty archaeologists. 

Sparrow couriers in the 1930s. Investigators believe the newspaper got scared.

Archaeologist Finds Dinosaur Bones


A Kentucky archaeologist was frustrated to find dinosaur bones in what he thought was a collapsed tunnel of an underground newspaper network.


  "It looked promising, like a collapsed passageway. I thought it might be the key to a lot we don't know about the site, and started digging it out. I guess I got a little over-eager, and now this happened. It's a disaster."


  The bones are believed to be among the most important finds in the North American record. "Yeah, yahoo. I've been trying to explain to people since I was an undergrad that archaeologists aren't interested in dinosaur bones. That's paleontology. But anytime anyone asks what I do, they start in again about the dinosaur bones. Now I'll never hear the end of it. My Mom called me this morning--finally honey, you found some bones."  I explain it over and over but it's like putting a wrinkled dollar in a vending machine--seems to take it, but spits it back out again. "


  He paused, looking off into the distance thoughtfully, and added "%#@#*&!"


"I'm trying to think, what mummy did I disturb to deserve this?"

Thus far in our ongoing investigation we've confirmed that Frederic S. Miller of Louisville, Ky, is the editor and publisher of The Herald Sparrow.


Hi!


Regrettably, very little is known about me.



 

Employee of the Month: Bobbie Lynne

     “Reporters pretended to be detectives looking for clues, but they behaved like entertainers looking for droll misfortunes.” 

                                    Michael Lesy, “Real Life, Louisville in the Twenties“