Thursday, April 24, 2008
Reader questions answered - again.
I just wanna start by saying that I have the best readers/friends ever! Seriously. You guys have been so supportive - I had no idea!!
So in the last post I answered the first set of questions and here comes the next set:
Nicki asks -
So who makes the choice about family involved? Is it mutual?
Both parties get to make the choice. When matching indy, it’s up to both parties to decide whether or not they “fit”. Generally it will start by one party answering an ad and then emails will be exchanged to really decide if they’re a fit. But, if you’re working with an agency, it works kindda like a referral. The agency reads both profiles and will decide if the 2 parties have matching ideas about all the important stuff. Then they start talking and decide if they match. Either party can pull out during the “get to know you” phase.
Do the IPs really scrutinize you and other surrogates? Or do you really scrutinize the IPs to find a family that you think would be a good fit?
If you’re going with an agency, generally either the agency, or the IVF clinic, will require a psychological review of the surrogate and possibly their partner. Sadly, and I don’t really think this is right, but generally there is not the same type of scrutiny on the Intended Parents. It’s more up to the surrogate to scrutinize the Parents themselves.
And this is totally off topic of YOU being a GS but what do you think about the whole surrogacy in India thing?
I honestly don’t know much about it...but I’ll have to check it out now that you say something.
Megan asks -
What will this do to your impending adoption... I know you had mentioned putting it on hold until October but will you wait until this is complete?
We will be waiting. There was one point where I was really anxious to get things going, but things have calmed down a little now. And the goals Matt and I set up to achieve before starting the process, aren’t even close to being done. We still want to get things going sometime in 2009, and still have our hearts set on Ghana.
Chandra asks -
Does the contact address what would happen if (heaven forbid) the baby was stillborn or you suffered a miscarriage?
Yes! The contract provides for all those possibilities. There are lawyers that specialize in reproductive law that have these things hammered out to a “T”.
What would happen if the IPs freaked out 6 months into the pregnancy and decided they didn't want a child after all?
Usually these couple have been trying to have children for years before they turn to surrogacy. But, the contract does provide provisions for things like divorce and death.
How do you think your children will feel about it? Do you think they will understand or be confused.
My children will understand. We’ve had lots of conversations in our house about how children come to families in lots of different ways. We will be sure to let them know from the very beginning that this baby does not belong to us. I hope that they will get to know our Intended Parents well enough that they will be happy for them and feel like they have an important role in making sure this baby is healthy and happy.
Teri follows that last question with this -
Any chance that they might think you could give *them* away?
Actually, Diesel does occasionally express a worry that we will adopt him out. I don’t know why. But, in this case, I hope, with some good communication, we can avoid the POV that we’re “giving away” a baby. Giving something away can only happen when it belongs to you in the first place.
LawMommy says -
The cases that seem to get sticky are the ones where the gestational surrogate is using her own egg and the donor sperm...
From my understanding that is what Traditional Surrogacy is and I could never do that. Just a personal preference.
Emily says -
i wonder what sort of connection you will feel to the child. or if you will find yourself wanting (or even being able) to be apart of his/her life.
I’m sure I will feel a connection, but not in a “motherly” way. And I already know that I want to be apart of their life. That’s why I would like to find the “perfect” IPs that I really connect with. I want a couple who is open to being friends long after the pregnancy.
also, how did i miss you were getting so close to another adoption. vietnam? or are you waiting to see if it stays open?
Silly! We’re going to Ghana, Africa. We have an agency lined up, we’re just waiting for the right time. Vietnam is too hostile for our taste. And, we knew we wanted to do an African adoption sooner or later.
How’s that? Clear as mud? hehe
As you can probably tell, I’m working with a new font style. That other one was SO big and non-attractive. Let me know how you guys like this one.
More questions? Ask a way.
