‘I cut to feel relief, to know that I am still alive, it makes all my thoughts disappear for a while and I feel good.’
It is hard for people to comprehend self-harm. It is a desperate attempt for the person to gain some control and manage their emotions.
It is important to remember that if the person had another way to do this they probably wouldn’t be self harming.
‘Self injury isn't something I’m proud of; I’m ashamed of myself every day because I’ve cut. I wish I could stop but it’s not easy… If I could cope another way I would have stopped self harming many years ago…’
Self harm is a coping mechanism – a way to manage difficult emotions and situations. Although it is not a 'healthy' coping mechanism, it is a coping mechanism all the same. Research shows people who self-harm have not learned to 'self-sooth,' (make themselves feel better). For example, in early development comforting experiences from care givers may have been absent. This means as a child/young adult the person did not acquire the internal ability to comfort themselves when distressed. Therefore as an adult the person has limited advanced methods of coping, and self harm is used as a way to cope with life and emotions. Self harm changes the person’s ‘emotional state.’ For example, from an emotional state of anger and frustration, to peace and calmness after the act of self harm.
Self harm is a way to express emotions. People who self harm often have difficulties expressing themselves and making their needs know in a sophisticated way. For example, the person is unable to tell someone they are unhappy and ask for help, so they self harm as a way to communicate this distress. This is often a subconscious decision – especially in the early stages of self harm. It should not be confused with a person ‘attention seeking.’ Often people self harm in secret and people around them are unaware of their actions. The person may be unable to cry or talk to someone about their problems. Emotions then build up inside and the person turns to self harm to get rid of some of these negative feelings and pain.
For some people self harm is a survival tactic. It is a way to avoid suicide, a way to keep them alive. They self harm as an alternative to suicide, as a way to get themselves through painful experiences and overwhelming emotions.
There can be numerous triggers to someone self harming. A trigger is something that makes the person want to self harm. Triggers are often personal to the individual. Some examples include:
• Getting a bad mark on an exam/essay
• Relationship problems
• Divorce
• Bereavement
• Simply having a bad day
• Conflict/arguments
• Criticism
• Physical ill health
• Actual or perceived rejection
‘Everything in life is a trigger. Any little thing you have to ever deal with could be a potential trigger.’
‘No matter what went wrong, any minimal amount of negative energy and I would cut. Anytime I thought something was my fault... or if I felt someone else was blaming me for something I would cut.’
Why Do People Self Harm?
