Amphetamine Work Ethic

A recent conversation about psychoactive pharmaceuticals touched on how the prescribed use of anti-depressant medications (with all their pros and cons) can teach you to think differently, arguably more objectively, about your brain and your feelings. This got me thinking back to my own youthful experiments with better living through chemistry. I was a Speed freak in my senior year of high school. In hindsight (with the benefit of 2+ decades exposure to pop psychology), I realize I’d been self-medicating since junior high school. Like many teens, I started with the popular (and thus readily available) recreational drugs of my day. But pot and Quaaludes just made me more dull witted than I already was. I toyed with alcoholism; but got hooked on true love instead. And I periodically experimented with less fashionable black market molecular compounds. And thus it was, via trial and error, at age seventeen, that I stumbled upon a more apt drug regime for my lethargic brain chemistry: stimulants. One of the things I really liked about Speed was how enthused and motivated I was to get things done, and the considerable productivity that resulted (without any clever time management techniques). On speed, I felt confident that I could accomplish things, and was overcome with the desire to do them -- immediately. And so I got off my ass and achieved my goals, simply because I believed I could -- and couldn't wait to get started. Of course, I knew these feelings were a direct psychoactive effect of the Black Beauty I'd dry swallowed an hour ago. And that's what was ultimately revelatory. Because I knew the only difference was in my mind. Clearly, I was physically and intellectually capable of doing all these things. All I had to do was, well, do them. So, I concluded I could accomplish just as much by pursuing my passions, and substituting a little will power and a more dogged work ethic for those little black capsules. (Later I learned to substitute clever time management techniques for this dogged determination.) This is what Speed taught me. The other thing I realized, by firsthand testing and comparison, was that moderate to heavy caffeine consumption can deliver nearly as good a stimulant buzz as light to moderate amphetamine use, but with comparatively modest and mostly harmless side effects (when administered properly). And caffeine is not only perfectly legal, for all ages, it is readily (and affordably) available just about everywhere people go. Furthermore, it’s subject to government regulation and comparatively above board quality control, unlike black market drugs of mysterious origin.

For me, Coca Cola was the gateway delivery medium for caffeine. Later, I ratcheted up to Jolt Cola, then Café Au Lait, drip coffee with cream, and ultimately to Café Latté and Cappuccino. I've never been enough of a junkie for straight espresso. For me, the bliss of coffee -- aside from the buzz -- is all about the yin and yang of bitter dark coffee swirling around soothing rich cream or warm milk. My short lived relationship with Amy Phetamine set the pattern for all my subsequent pharmaceutical partnerships: I use the drug for a time, then cast it aside, lest I become too dependent -- or as it provides less of a kick over time (because of my growing tolerance to the active ingredient). Thus comes a period of abstinence: clean living and healthy eating, sans caffeine. (And, I might add, never a decaffeinated beverage. I'm an all-natural or nothing kinda guy.)

Then, one day, in a moment of weakness, need or self-indulgence, I let that light brown beauty, Ms. Java Latte, back into my life. Maybe it's a late night writing binge, or 500 mile drive down a Blue Highway; or maybe it's on account of a chocolate croissant, which just tastes so much better with a good cup o' café. Whatever -- I'm weak, and she can be irresistible; I hold the door open as she swaggers back into my life. And we fall into it again. For a while. Until the relationship becomes toxic.

And so goes the cycle of my chemical dependencies.

Amphetamine
Work
Ethic