Pruning
Our new house has a bunch of rose bushes along the house that have provided us with beautiful flowers on our table every day. My wife was told that she needed to prune back the branches in order for the plant to reach it’s full potential. So, she went to work cutting back the branches that seemed to long.
While on retreat, another seminar was presented that spoke to exactly where I’ve been recently. It was all about pruning. Not horticulture, but in our spiritual lives.
There is a great model developed by Janet Hagberg and Robert Guelich in “The Critical Journey.” It describes our spiritual lives as a tree. In the 1st stage, when the seed has been planted and the first shoots emerge from the soil, it is like when we first discover God. As the plant develops into a sapling in 2nd stage, we are learning of God and giving up things that take us away from Him. When the tree has reached maturity in 3rd stage, it represents our faith as working for God by serving and ministering.
Many times Christians are led to believe this is the extent of the Christian life; that there is no following progress or change. That we stay in this stage for the rest of our lives. And I think a lot of people do.
The 4th stage described, is the pruning stage. During this time, we may have doubts, uncertainties, and feel like we’re in a spiritual wilderness. Nothing makes sense; our beliefs are turned upside down, and we’re unsure if God even exists. Christians throughout the centuries have described this as the “dark night of the soul.”
Recently, I believe, without realizing it (until this retreat seminar), I have been in a pruning stage. I have had doubts about my faith and God.
The problem (and excruciating) part about this for me is, that as a pastor, I get paid for “Stage 3” success. That is what I do: serve and minister. So accordingly, being in stage 4 (pruning) would most likely be viewed as a failure for someone getting paid for their spiritual leadership. It’s hard enough to deal with doubts, pretty unbearable when you’re getting paid not to have them!
Yet, as we move from the “dark night of the soul” in the stage 4 pruning process, we move to stage 5 when the new fruit is emerging and we are surrendering to God in total inward submission. And joyfully, we emerge into the 6th stage of the cycle which finds us abiding deeply in God.
This pruning process is not one that I’ve heard very often growing up. If I had known it is common, it may not have effected me as roughly. But, you live and learn.
As a result of this whole process, anyone who had been reading my blog since I started, has noticed a fall-off in my entries. Granted, there were other factors playing into this, as I moved, was gone, was sick, had to do taxes for the first time, etc, etc...However, I just hadn’t felt I had anything to write, and that’d I’d be faking anything other than what I was feeling. So I just didn’t write anything. Maybe I should have.
I was just talking to one of my kids yesterday who told me she was thinking about baptism, but sometimes has doubts about God and if He’s really there. I told her she was normal and that even pastors have doubts at times. And I’ve been thinking about how I wished more people would have talked about their own “dark night of the soul” to me when I was growing up. It’s something we don’t really talk about because lack of faith is just....I don’t know...abominable, heretical, worthy of condemnation? I don’t know. If we do have doubts, we keep them to ourselves out of fear, which just furthers the feelings.
So, I guess I hope that maybe there are others who have wrestled with their own doubts and lack of faith, and that they know that it’s OK. Everyone does. That’s it.
“Faith is based on questions, not answers. Questions and doubts do not reflect one’s loss of faith; instead, they demonstrate his ongoing spiritual commitment.” Moshe the Beadle - From “Night” by Elie Wiesel.
Thursday, May 15, 2008