Over the past year, I’ve had a few lunches after church for parents only, which has turned out to be a great thing. I’m finding out that raising a teenager is a tough thing, and although I certainly have no wisdom to share, I have been able to present some helpful resources and arrange for other insightful parenting veterans to share.

 

Yesterday at our last Parents Lunch we were talking about teenagers’ identity. At this stage they’re really trying to discover who they are. As adults, we mostly know what we’re about: our preferences, our worldview, how we react, our job, etc...But teenagers have no clue, and they’re going on the fly trying to figure it out. The identity they were trying on last week is totally different from the identity they’re experimenting with this week.

 

One comment in particular from one of our parents stuck out in my mind. He said something to the effect that, “At some point, we need to be the adults in the relationship; we are older, but we aren’t really adults. But even though we have a lot of stress we’re trying to deal with, so is the teen, and we need to act like an adult and care for them.”

 

I’m 24. I like to think I’m adult, but in reality, I feel like in some of the exact same places I was when I was in Jr. High or high school. And if someone twice my age is feeling the same way, I guess it’s never going to change. We’re all just boys and girls. We just get older, slower, grayer, and wrinkly. But we’re still boys and girls on the inside.

 

A very interesting transition I’ve been coming to understand over the past couple years, is that my mom and dad are regular people too. Realizing that all the same struggles and uncertainty I deal with have been challenges for them over the years as well. We are now adults together. Weird.

 

But now I see that they are just a boy and a girl too.

 

And maybe that’s how it should be. Sometimes I feel guilty for acting silly; like I should “grow up” and act like an adult. The problem is that I don’t know if I ever will! I’m always going to have doubts about myself, uncertainty about what I believe, or lacking wisdom for certain situations, no matter how old I am.

 

So, I guess I’ll never really grow up. Only fake it more and more. But hopefully not too much. And that’s OK.

 

So act like you’re 16 today if you feel like it. How are you any different from that kid besides being older and wiser? You’re still the same kid.